Saturday, February 28, 2004
Happy now with color?
Friday, February 27, 2004
Avert your gaze!
My sincere apologies to all who were pained by having to look at my grotesque blog. I had hoped it was the color of rot, but as Carla pointed out, it is more like puke. Pink it shall be, whenever I have an hour to change it. Give me contrast ideas – I tried purple and green, and didn’t like either. Orange? Blue? And what’s up with that Hugo guy who wrote in and didn’t even comment on color? Focus, Hugo, focus!
My question today is about the First Commandment. Thou shalt have no other gods before me. If this was really about polytheism, it would say “Thou shalt have no gods other than me.” Can I have a god who is after Jehovah? I’m considering Oprah. I know gratitude is mentioned in Scripture, but Jesus never mentioned gratitude journals. If I can’t have her as a god, I’ll settle for veneration.
Last September, one person said to me, “Well, there’s nothing I can say to bring your babies back, so there’s really nothing to say. Time will heal it.” And she’s hardly spoken to me since! I don’t think time is much of a healer. As time passes, depression deepens, secrets intensify, inner voices get louder, and memories hound. For me, three things have been healing: receiving love, giving love, and gratitude. Part of the reason I share my feelings and my journey is because I want to get some love, which is always an occasion to share some back, and then I want to look back at the love fest with gratitude. Articulating bad feelings dissipates them, but speaking gratitude makes gratitude blossom. The love I receive is solidarity, friendship, food, touch, prayer, attention, words, and the like. I intend to give the same, and I hope I sometimes do. If anyone has the gift of resurrecting the dead, please e-mail me at jparis@bethel.edu. In the absence of resurrection, though, love is no door prize. It is everything, and may we all have lots of it today.
…..
I feel like I’ve written enough for one blog, and I’m changing tone quickly, but I want to share some feedback on Reimagining Spiritual Formation. It is from a classic voice of modernity, my mom.
·Why would I want to read about these peoples’ lives? I hope they used pseudonyms, because this is way too personal for a book.
·The book sounds like Doug speaks – all that “rhythm” and “ways” and “life”
·Who has authority? Who tells people what is right to think? That’s the thing that really seems missing from your church.
·I stopped reading the journals, because I don’t want to read other peoples’ journals.
·Is the Carla in the book the woman with the thin, serious pastor for a husband? He sure likes that prayer book he carries around.
·I guess it’s a good place for the artsy, creative people who need to do things differently than everyone else.
·I’ve never seen people at a church love each other they way they love you and James. You’re blessed to be there.
My sincere apologies to all who were pained by having to look at my grotesque blog. I had hoped it was the color of rot, but as Carla pointed out, it is more like puke. Pink it shall be, whenever I have an hour to change it. Give me contrast ideas – I tried purple and green, and didn’t like either. Orange? Blue? And what’s up with that Hugo guy who wrote in and didn’t even comment on color? Focus, Hugo, focus!
My question today is about the First Commandment. Thou shalt have no other gods before me. If this was really about polytheism, it would say “Thou shalt have no gods other than me.” Can I have a god who is after Jehovah? I’m considering Oprah. I know gratitude is mentioned in Scripture, but Jesus never mentioned gratitude journals. If I can’t have her as a god, I’ll settle for veneration.
Last September, one person said to me, “Well, there’s nothing I can say to bring your babies back, so there’s really nothing to say. Time will heal it.” And she’s hardly spoken to me since! I don’t think time is much of a healer. As time passes, depression deepens, secrets intensify, inner voices get louder, and memories hound. For me, three things have been healing: receiving love, giving love, and gratitude. Part of the reason I share my feelings and my journey is because I want to get some love, which is always an occasion to share some back, and then I want to look back at the love fest with gratitude. Articulating bad feelings dissipates them, but speaking gratitude makes gratitude blossom. The love I receive is solidarity, friendship, food, touch, prayer, attention, words, and the like. I intend to give the same, and I hope I sometimes do. If anyone has the gift of resurrecting the dead, please e-mail me at jparis@bethel.edu. In the absence of resurrection, though, love is no door prize. It is everything, and may we all have lots of it today.
…..
I feel like I’ve written enough for one blog, and I’m changing tone quickly, but I want to share some feedback on Reimagining Spiritual Formation. It is from a classic voice of modernity, my mom.
·Why would I want to read about these peoples’ lives? I hope they used pseudonyms, because this is way too personal for a book.
·The book sounds like Doug speaks – all that “rhythm” and “ways” and “life”
·Who has authority? Who tells people what is right to think? That’s the thing that really seems missing from your church.
·I stopped reading the journals, because I don’t want to read other peoples’ journals.
·Is the Carla in the book the woman with the thin, serious pastor for a husband? He sure likes that prayer book he carries around.
·I guess it’s a good place for the artsy, creative people who need to do things differently than everyone else.
·I’ve never seen people at a church love each other they way they love you and James. You’re blessed to be there.
Thursday, February 26, 2004
What the Day After Ash Wednesday Means To Me, 2004
I thought Jesus suffered so I'd never have to, and Christians would be a light to the heathen by their cheerfulness and simple happiness. Then why were we all so crazy sad yesterday? I only meant to sign up for the happy parts of Christianity - I'm going to go check the contract.
James is coming home tomorrow, which is very good for me. He's been rehabbing a house in Seattle. For a few days, I enjoyed having no one disturb the areas of the house I had cleaned. Then I just started missing him. I didn't mention it earlier in case any of my readers are stalkers. If you are, then ready, set, go! You have 30 hours to find me.
I know I wrote a sad blog yesterday, but still, why didn't anyone comment on my new color scheme? You could have said, "Hey, I know it's sad that so much death has come to you, but look on the bright side - you have nice colors on your blog!" Or you could have said, "Jesus doesn't want you to be sad. Stop it. Keep distracting yourself with cyber-decorating." These Christian encouragements could have eased my burden, but no one offered them.
A blessed Lent to everyone. The resurrection has begun in each of us as we live in new ways - less food, different food, less TV, more prayer, more writing, quieter inner damning voices... May Easter come soon. (And may it be on a warm, non-raining morning, seeing as my church in one of the coldest states likes to stand outside on Easter morning).
Oh, for cute!
I couldn't get Ruby to come in yesterday, so I left a dish of food out for her so she wouldn't feel abandoned. Then she did come in, but I left the food out anyway. Someone came and ate it during the day. I am considering leaving more food out today so the new cat won't feel abandoned.
I thought Jesus suffered so I'd never have to, and Christians would be a light to the heathen by their cheerfulness and simple happiness. Then why were we all so crazy sad yesterday? I only meant to sign up for the happy parts of Christianity - I'm going to go check the contract.
James is coming home tomorrow, which is very good for me. He's been rehabbing a house in Seattle. For a few days, I enjoyed having no one disturb the areas of the house I had cleaned. Then I just started missing him. I didn't mention it earlier in case any of my readers are stalkers. If you are, then ready, set, go! You have 30 hours to find me.
I know I wrote a sad blog yesterday, but still, why didn't anyone comment on my new color scheme? You could have said, "Hey, I know it's sad that so much death has come to you, but look on the bright side - you have nice colors on your blog!" Or you could have said, "Jesus doesn't want you to be sad. Stop it. Keep distracting yourself with cyber-decorating." These Christian encouragements could have eased my burden, but no one offered them.
A blessed Lent to everyone. The resurrection has begun in each of us as we live in new ways - less food, different food, less TV, more prayer, more writing, quieter inner damning voices... May Easter come soon. (And may it be on a warm, non-raining morning, seeing as my church in one of the coldest states likes to stand outside on Easter morning).
Oh, for cute!
I couldn't get Ruby to come in yesterday, so I left a dish of food out for her so she wouldn't feel abandoned. Then she did come in, but I left the food out anyway. Someone came and ate it during the day. I am considering leaving more food out today so the new cat won't feel abandoned.
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
What Ash Wednesday Means To Me, 2004
My boys’ bodies were reduced to ashes, and their urns rest on a shelf in my house. Their death, my trauma, and our loss are set before my eyes each day. Today I receive the mark of ashes. When I receive it – the remnants of palm leaves burned and destroyed - I will remember that our world is unspeakably broken.
Some people live for many hours, while others, like my babies, live only for an hour or two. From ashes we came, and to ashes we return. Today I receive the mark of ashes. Today I am alive, and I hope to live well. Someday I will die, and I hope to die well.
Our Lord Jesus lived a brief life of love. People didn’t receive his love, and so had no love to give, and then unspeakable harm occurred. Today I receive the mark of ashes. During Lent, may my life be emptied of sin and filled with love.
My boys’ bodies were reduced to ashes, and their urns rest on a shelf in my house. Their death, my trauma, and our loss are set before my eyes each day. Today I receive the mark of ashes. When I receive it – the remnants of palm leaves burned and destroyed - I will remember that our world is unspeakably broken.
Some people live for many hours, while others, like my babies, live only for an hour or two. From ashes we came, and to ashes we return. Today I receive the mark of ashes. Today I am alive, and I hope to live well. Someday I will die, and I hope to die well.
Our Lord Jesus lived a brief life of love. People didn’t receive his love, and so had no love to give, and then unspeakable harm occurred. Today I receive the mark of ashes. During Lent, may my life be emptied of sin and filled with love.
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
Nellie, Nellie, the big fat Jellie
Happy Fat Tuesday!
I cooked myself some bacon this morning, looked at the fat at the end of one piece, and contemplated this question: What's good about fat?
1. Sometimes it tastes like bacon.
2. Sometimes it tastes like chocolate.
3. It's good for your brain.
4. It attracts men, in most cultures throughout human history (those unaffected by the West).
5. It's more comfortable to sit on than bones.
6. It's soft, and soft is nice.
7. It gives your man a little something to hang on to.
8. ...see comments section for more...
Feast today, for tomorrow we fast!
Happy Fat Tuesday!
I cooked myself some bacon this morning, looked at the fat at the end of one piece, and contemplated this question: What's good about fat?
1. Sometimes it tastes like bacon.
2. Sometimes it tastes like chocolate.
3. It's good for your brain.
4. It attracts men, in most cultures throughout human history (those unaffected by the West).
5. It's more comfortable to sit on than bones.
6. It's soft, and soft is nice.
7. It gives your man a little something to hang on to.
8. ...see comments section for more...
Feast today, for tomorrow we fast!
Monday, February 23, 2004
I am not obligated to give you sex
Someone said they expected to read more about sex on my blog. Sorry, but I have a headache, and I'm just not in the mood.
Someone else said they found my cat stories to be less than fascinating. That someone was my pastor, who I would expect to be always affirming and encouraging of my gifts. In addition to perceiving other peoples' sins, I also have the gift of writing about animals in a "Today's Christian Reader" style. In addition to Doug, Marlene also seemed not very impressed with my pets, and my own husband said he is embarrassed for me because I don't have more discretion about telling people stupid stories about Opal.
But then Laura Towle said her heart was "strangely warmed" by my accounts of Opal, and she opened her life to me and shared a story about how her cat scratches at the bedroom door. I thought this was the beginning of a deeper relationship, and if friendship evangelism goes as planned, I'll be sharing the gospel with her soon.
I promised to confront Naomi about her sins in her comments section, but I'm having second thoughts. In addition to not sinning myself, perceiving other peoples' sins, and writing about animals in a kitchy voice, I am blessed with the gift of discerning other peoples' maturity levels. I just don't think Naomi is ready to face her shadow self yet. I don't want to throw my pearls before swine, so I'm just going to hold on to my insights until I think she's ready to really appreciate them. (And Naomi, I'm sorry about the comparison between you and a pig, but Jesus said it, not me).
Speaking of wasting money, does anyone want to buy my ebay crap? It's all out of my aunt's attic, and it's lovely. Macrame yarn, old Christian books, a bottle cutter from the 70s... The crazy thing is that I sell almost everything I put on there. When crap is in a box at a garage sale, it looks like crap. When crap is on a digital picture on the computer, it looks like treasure.
Peace to you all today. May God grant us all the grace to know crap from treasure.
Someone said they expected to read more about sex on my blog. Sorry, but I have a headache, and I'm just not in the mood.
Someone else said they found my cat stories to be less than fascinating. That someone was my pastor, who I would expect to be always affirming and encouraging of my gifts. In addition to perceiving other peoples' sins, I also have the gift of writing about animals in a "Today's Christian Reader" style. In addition to Doug, Marlene also seemed not very impressed with my pets, and my own husband said he is embarrassed for me because I don't have more discretion about telling people stupid stories about Opal.
But then Laura Towle said her heart was "strangely warmed" by my accounts of Opal, and she opened her life to me and shared a story about how her cat scratches at the bedroom door. I thought this was the beginning of a deeper relationship, and if friendship evangelism goes as planned, I'll be sharing the gospel with her soon.
I promised to confront Naomi about her sins in her comments section, but I'm having second thoughts. In addition to not sinning myself, perceiving other peoples' sins, and writing about animals in a kitchy voice, I am blessed with the gift of discerning other peoples' maturity levels. I just don't think Naomi is ready to face her shadow self yet. I don't want to throw my pearls before swine, so I'm just going to hold on to my insights until I think she's ready to really appreciate them. (And Naomi, I'm sorry about the comparison between you and a pig, but Jesus said it, not me).
Speaking of wasting money, does anyone want to buy my ebay crap? It's all out of my aunt's attic, and it's lovely. Macrame yarn, old Christian books, a bottle cutter from the 70s... The crazy thing is that I sell almost everything I put on there. When crap is in a box at a garage sale, it looks like crap. When crap is on a digital picture on the computer, it looks like treasure.
Peace to you all today. May God grant us all the grace to know crap from treasure.
Saturday, February 21, 2004
Will you marry me?
My house is so messy I think it might actually smell bad. I am An Intellectual, and it's hard to leave the fascinating world of my own mind to deal with these messy material things. If I just had a wife, then my house would be clean.
I need to waterproof my boots, get my tires rotated, pay taxes, and make something for a potluck tonight. And, obviously, I need to clean my house.
Be on the lookout, everyone, for a comments section in Naomi's blog. I've been saving up some personal confrontations and grudges, and plan to let loose in her comments section asap (another creative twist on Mt. 18).
My house is so messy I think it might actually smell bad. I am An Intellectual, and it's hard to leave the fascinating world of my own mind to deal with these messy material things. If I just had a wife, then my house would be clean.
I need to waterproof my boots, get my tires rotated, pay taxes, and make something for a potluck tonight. And, obviously, I need to clean my house.
Be on the lookout, everyone, for a comments section in Naomi's blog. I've been saving up some personal confrontations and grudges, and plan to let loose in her comments section asap (another creative twist on Mt. 18).
Friday, February 20, 2004
Colleen, There is a Fat Separator in Gilead
Mary Ellen Ashcroft spoke at Bethel chapel yesterday on temptation and sin (she wrote Temptations Women Face). She said that when you experience envy, you should not run from it, but rather look more closely at it. Ask yourself whether the thing you want is worth going after, or whether you should release the desire and move on. She invited us to meditate on our envy, and the thing that came to my mind was that I envy people who have fat separators. I decided to focus on getting this thing. It has to be the Truedau fat separator (the best according to Cook’s Illustrated)– I found it on-line, but shipping adds 50% to the price (it’s 9.99). I need to find it at a store.
The Lord spoke to me last night and answered my question about bodies and death. (Remember, if a monologue begins with ‘The Lord spoke to me’, then you can’t disagree with it.) I think death is a separation from one’s own body, and people will get their bodies back at the final reconciliation. I think it’s really important what we do with dead bodies, and how we care for them, because the body is a real part of the person we loved. It is a real and substantive link to our beloved dead, not just a meaningless shell. Jim Hurd, a fellow anthropologist, says that in most cultures, “the dead are near; they are not far.” Most cultures have ways of keeping the beloved dead close, or of communicating with them in various ways. I am sad that my Baptist tradition has nearly discarded the notion of the communion of the saints – that our beloved dead brethren continue on with us in God’s kingdom, in some mysterious way. I think the dead no longer suffer from their earthly trials, but that they, along with us, long to be made complete – they’re still building the kingdom with us – we’re just in two different eras of life eternal. The other profs with whom I discussed this yesterday said this is a classical/typical theological question, but I had never thought about it before. They mentioned what Jimmy said – that for Hebrews, the human is an ensouled body. For Greeks, the human is an embodied soul.
If you think I’m really wrong, as in heretically wrong, then let me know. If it’s within the bounds of orthodoxy, and if none of you have objections, I’d like to picture things working this way because it makes me feel better. I won’t get dogmatic about it.
Is it a sin to hide candy?
This morning's sermon on KKMS (Glen Loury, I think) was about how we need to stop sinning (an innovative topic for the fundamentalists). He said to take a half-day to write about your sins before the Lord. Write about the things you do that facilitate sin, "like hiding alcohol, hiding bad video games, or hiding candy." I hide candy all the time - if I don't, someone else might take it. Sometimes I hide it so well I forget where I put it, and it's a pleasant surprise to find it. Apparently I am so self-deceived I didn't even realize this was a sin. I'm going to go read Leviticus - I think there's something in there about the abomination that is hidden chocolate.
College Students Say the Darndest Things
“OK, Dr. Paris, no more tears. I won’t cry about the project for your class anymore.”
Mary Ellen Ashcroft spoke at Bethel chapel yesterday on temptation and sin (she wrote Temptations Women Face). She said that when you experience envy, you should not run from it, but rather look more closely at it. Ask yourself whether the thing you want is worth going after, or whether you should release the desire and move on. She invited us to meditate on our envy, and the thing that came to my mind was that I envy people who have fat separators. I decided to focus on getting this thing. It has to be the Truedau fat separator (the best according to Cook’s Illustrated)– I found it on-line, but shipping adds 50% to the price (it’s 9.99). I need to find it at a store.
The Lord spoke to me last night and answered my question about bodies and death. (Remember, if a monologue begins with ‘The Lord spoke to me’, then you can’t disagree with it.) I think death is a separation from one’s own body, and people will get their bodies back at the final reconciliation. I think it’s really important what we do with dead bodies, and how we care for them, because the body is a real part of the person we loved. It is a real and substantive link to our beloved dead, not just a meaningless shell. Jim Hurd, a fellow anthropologist, says that in most cultures, “the dead are near; they are not far.” Most cultures have ways of keeping the beloved dead close, or of communicating with them in various ways. I am sad that my Baptist tradition has nearly discarded the notion of the communion of the saints – that our beloved dead brethren continue on with us in God’s kingdom, in some mysterious way. I think the dead no longer suffer from their earthly trials, but that they, along with us, long to be made complete – they’re still building the kingdom with us – we’re just in two different eras of life eternal. The other profs with whom I discussed this yesterday said this is a classical/typical theological question, but I had never thought about it before. They mentioned what Jimmy said – that for Hebrews, the human is an ensouled body. For Greeks, the human is an embodied soul.
If you think I’m really wrong, as in heretically wrong, then let me know. If it’s within the bounds of orthodoxy, and if none of you have objections, I’d like to picture things working this way because it makes me feel better. I won’t get dogmatic about it.
Is it a sin to hide candy?
This morning's sermon on KKMS (Glen Loury, I think) was about how we need to stop sinning (an innovative topic for the fundamentalists). He said to take a half-day to write about your sins before the Lord. Write about the things you do that facilitate sin, "like hiding alcohol, hiding bad video games, or hiding candy." I hide candy all the time - if I don't, someone else might take it. Sometimes I hide it so well I forget where I put it, and it's a pleasant surprise to find it. Apparently I am so self-deceived I didn't even realize this was a sin. I'm going to go read Leviticus - I think there's something in there about the abomination that is hidden chocolate.
College Students Say the Darndest Things
“OK, Dr. Paris, no more tears. I won’t cry about the project for your class anymore.”
Thursday, February 19, 2004
God doesn't give a rip about your knees
Yesterday I listened to a Chuck Swindoll sermon, and today I heard another radio sermon about knees. I'm a little embarrassed to write about it, but you might as well know: conventional evangelicalism is my crack - I can't stay away from the stuff. The man today said to strengthen your weak knees so you can run to the finish line, which is heaven (from Hebrews 12). "God doesn't give a rip about your knees! This is a spiritual point. He'd rather have your legs cut off in heaven than to be a two-legged person in hell!" Chuck Swindoll said that the body and spirit are like hand and glove - the body is just a shell, a glove, and the soul is what is really real.
This is more Greek than Gospel - Plato made a distinction between the spiritual (which is real and good) and the physical (which is bad and illusion). Western Christians have chopping up the wholeness of God's creation ever since, splitting it all into spiritual and physical. I also think the glove analogy is too strongly reminiscent of OJ.
This new emerging wholistic Christianty says the body does really matter - it's more than just a glove, and God does give a rip about it. What are the implications of a holistic view of the person for our theology of dead people? I'm thinking about this in two ways.
First, what is a dead body? Perhaps it is more than just a shell - maybe it is a real part of the person, and we have one more chance to express care and love for their personhood in the way we care for their dead body. Maybe care for the body is a real part of our relationship with them.
Second, are the dead really complete and perfect? Or do they long to be reconciled with their bodies? Hebrews 11 gives a long list of people who carried God's promise through this world - Abraham, Rahab, Moses, etc. In v. 39 it says, "though they were commended for their faith, they did not receive what was promised, since God had provided something better so that they would not, apart from us, be made perfect." Maybe we all - living and dead - are waiting for the final reconciliation of all things when we all will be together, and we all will be whole (body, mind, soul, and spirit). Christians like to say that the dead are perfectly happy, dancing in the golden streets and singing their favorite Porch songs. Maybe they are in God's presence (in a different way than the living are), but still are longing for wholeness.
What do you think? I"m going to think about these things today and write more tomorrow. The questions came to me this morning as I was in a right-wing-sermon-induced haze.
Final question: Is it vulgar to say "give a rip"? I'm thinking of calling into the station and offering some judgmental criticism of preachers using worldly language.
Yesterday I listened to a Chuck Swindoll sermon, and today I heard another radio sermon about knees. I'm a little embarrassed to write about it, but you might as well know: conventional evangelicalism is my crack - I can't stay away from the stuff. The man today said to strengthen your weak knees so you can run to the finish line, which is heaven (from Hebrews 12). "God doesn't give a rip about your knees! This is a spiritual point. He'd rather have your legs cut off in heaven than to be a two-legged person in hell!" Chuck Swindoll said that the body and spirit are like hand and glove - the body is just a shell, a glove, and the soul is what is really real.
This is more Greek than Gospel - Plato made a distinction between the spiritual (which is real and good) and the physical (which is bad and illusion). Western Christians have chopping up the wholeness of God's creation ever since, splitting it all into spiritual and physical. I also think the glove analogy is too strongly reminiscent of OJ.
This new emerging wholistic Christianty says the body does really matter - it's more than just a glove, and God does give a rip about it. What are the implications of a holistic view of the person for our theology of dead people? I'm thinking about this in two ways.
First, what is a dead body? Perhaps it is more than just a shell - maybe it is a real part of the person, and we have one more chance to express care and love for their personhood in the way we care for their dead body. Maybe care for the body is a real part of our relationship with them.
Second, are the dead really complete and perfect? Or do they long to be reconciled with their bodies? Hebrews 11 gives a long list of people who carried God's promise through this world - Abraham, Rahab, Moses, etc. In v. 39 it says, "though they were commended for their faith, they did not receive what was promised, since God had provided something better so that they would not, apart from us, be made perfect." Maybe we all - living and dead - are waiting for the final reconciliation of all things when we all will be together, and we all will be whole (body, mind, soul, and spirit). Christians like to say that the dead are perfectly happy, dancing in the golden streets and singing their favorite Porch songs. Maybe they are in God's presence (in a different way than the living are), but still are longing for wholeness.
What do you think? I"m going to think about these things today and write more tomorrow. The questions came to me this morning as I was in a right-wing-sermon-induced haze.
Final question: Is it vulgar to say "give a rip"? I'm thinking of calling into the station and offering some judgmental criticism of preachers using worldly language.
Wednesday, February 18, 2004
Does Anybody Really Know What Time it is?
I, too, have been thinking about the Holy No. I tried to help many people in my years of urban ministry. Some people were easy to help because they took the help, improved themselves, and moved on with life. Others took advantage of help, and, as Rachel mentioned, needed boundaries and eventual 'tough love' (stop doling out the help and let people bear the consequences of their own choices). I think you need to know someone really well to know whether or not that's what is going on. Still others were the saddest kind of urban poor - those unable to take an opportunity, those unable to help themselves. These folks, mostly substance addicts, and a few social service addicts, were, in my eyes, the poorest of the American poor. In the words of the beatitudes, their spirits had been crushed and they were no longer happy or blessed. For these folks, our ministry (in D.C.) truly became like Mother Theresa's - hospice. Part of our love is carrying the mortally wounded through this life and comforting them until the end, all the while holding out hope and offering prayers for change and restoration. Of course, I see all these facets of humanity in each of my college classes as well, even down to students who, on an essay, really want help, or just want me to do it for them.
As both KP and Rachel said, it's exhausting to help in the wrong ways, or to help too much. (And it's no coincidence that it is women who are having most of this conversation, as many of us were socialized to be care-taking co-dependents!). As the church, we aren't only a community that helps, we must also be a community that helps each other figure out what it is to help.
What I really wanted to point out, tho, is how blogging creates knowledge in a way consistent with our postmodern time. PM evangelical theologians (back to Nancey Murphey here!) say knowledge is not built in a linear, neat fashion - like a building constructed on foundations. Rather, it's like a web, without beginning or end. God (and True Truth, or Reality), in my view, exists both in and beyond, before and after, our web of life and knowledge. We, from our divergent points of view and histories, are piecing together knowledge about our world as best we can.
That's the philosophy lesson of the day, and I'm no philosopher, so woe to you who take it as Truth!
Tell me why
Why, in your opinion, does Laura Towle read this blog but never say hello in the comment section?
P.S.
I'm searching for links until the shower is available, which it now is. Maybe I should edit my blog instead of linking.
The sun is coming up again today. We will have light, and maybe some other good things will happen, too!
I, too, have been thinking about the Holy No. I tried to help many people in my years of urban ministry. Some people were easy to help because they took the help, improved themselves, and moved on with life. Others took advantage of help, and, as Rachel mentioned, needed boundaries and eventual 'tough love' (stop doling out the help and let people bear the consequences of their own choices). I think you need to know someone really well to know whether or not that's what is going on. Still others were the saddest kind of urban poor - those unable to take an opportunity, those unable to help themselves. These folks, mostly substance addicts, and a few social service addicts, were, in my eyes, the poorest of the American poor. In the words of the beatitudes, their spirits had been crushed and they were no longer happy or blessed. For these folks, our ministry (in D.C.) truly became like Mother Theresa's - hospice. Part of our love is carrying the mortally wounded through this life and comforting them until the end, all the while holding out hope and offering prayers for change and restoration. Of course, I see all these facets of humanity in each of my college classes as well, even down to students who, on an essay, really want help, or just want me to do it for them.
As both KP and Rachel said, it's exhausting to help in the wrong ways, or to help too much. (And it's no coincidence that it is women who are having most of this conversation, as many of us were socialized to be care-taking co-dependents!). As the church, we aren't only a community that helps, we must also be a community that helps each other figure out what it is to help.
What I really wanted to point out, tho, is how blogging creates knowledge in a way consistent with our postmodern time. PM evangelical theologians (back to Nancey Murphey here!) say knowledge is not built in a linear, neat fashion - like a building constructed on foundations. Rather, it's like a web, without beginning or end. God (and True Truth, or Reality), in my view, exists both in and beyond, before and after, our web of life and knowledge. We, from our divergent points of view and histories, are piecing together knowledge about our world as best we can.
That's the philosophy lesson of the day, and I'm no philosopher, so woe to you who take it as Truth!
Tell me why
Why, in your opinion, does Laura Towle read this blog but never say hello in the comment section?
P.S.
I'm searching for links until the shower is available, which it now is. Maybe I should edit my blog instead of linking.
The sun is coming up again today. We will have light, and maybe some other good things will happen, too!
Tuesday, February 17, 2004
First Things First
If you truly have nothing to do at work, watch this lady comb her cat (click on "Combing Cat").
Where is your Self?
I've found that work is a place of freedom, and church a place of constraint. At work, it's safe to be myself, express my gifts, and let others know my personality. At church, it's better to check your brains and gifts at the door. Your behaviors will be evaluated, your speech judged, your family inspected, and your gifts siphoned off for someone else's agenda. The people in power freak out when threatened, so best to just leave them alone.
I enjoy work because, thankfully, I have a job that makes use of my gifts. I am encouraged to be smart, expressive, creative, and appropriately competitive. I have a creative playspace in the world of ideas, and I'm allowed to roam more-or-less free (Internet blocking excepted). I feel much more comfortable and liked at work than anywhere else in my life.
When I started coming to Solomon's Porch without my husband most of the time, I was afraid people would judge me. Instead, they said, "Attend church without your husband? That's nothing! Listen to these problems we've got..." A second moment of insecurity was when I preached. I felt more exposed than usual because I was really expressing my gifts - thinking, reading, writing and speaking is what I love to do, and I was afraid people would be displeased, hurt, intimidated, or just not like me. It has been a blessing to feel that people received my gifts as, in fact, gifts. It has also been a blessing to be part of SP for the most difficult three years of my life, and have the freedom to not be as giving, productive, and energetic as I would normally be. I'm wary of believing that church can be a place of space, creativity, and rest. It seems like there must be a closet somewhere that, when opened, will pour forth judging, moralizing, and eternal damning.
Yesterday I was sad, and I was grateful for the amusement of blogs, and the knowledge that some of you were thinking of me and of each other and taking the time to write to each other. Hmmm, perhaps I was just burdened with the weight of Jimmy's sin (there's that spiritual gift of mine again!)
Note to self: When sadness comes, embrace lots of it, and some of our fellow humans who carry it. And be grateful. You are loved, and you have love to give. This is a blessing.
College Students Say the Darndest Things
"I don't know...it's kind of hard to be around Christians when you're going through something hard. First, they make you feel like an alien. Then, they find reasons to blame you for whatever you're going through. In my hardest times, I wish I had gone to a secular school where I could have found more support."
If you truly have nothing to do at work, watch this lady comb her cat (click on "Combing Cat").
Where is your Self?
I've found that work is a place of freedom, and church a place of constraint. At work, it's safe to be myself, express my gifts, and let others know my personality. At church, it's better to check your brains and gifts at the door. Your behaviors will be evaluated, your speech judged, your family inspected, and your gifts siphoned off for someone else's agenda. The people in power freak out when threatened, so best to just leave them alone.
I enjoy work because, thankfully, I have a job that makes use of my gifts. I am encouraged to be smart, expressive, creative, and appropriately competitive. I have a creative playspace in the world of ideas, and I'm allowed to roam more-or-less free (Internet blocking excepted). I feel much more comfortable and liked at work than anywhere else in my life.
When I started coming to Solomon's Porch without my husband most of the time, I was afraid people would judge me. Instead, they said, "Attend church without your husband? That's nothing! Listen to these problems we've got..." A second moment of insecurity was when I preached. I felt more exposed than usual because I was really expressing my gifts - thinking, reading, writing and speaking is what I love to do, and I was afraid people would be displeased, hurt, intimidated, or just not like me. It has been a blessing to feel that people received my gifts as, in fact, gifts. It has also been a blessing to be part of SP for the most difficult three years of my life, and have the freedom to not be as giving, productive, and energetic as I would normally be. I'm wary of believing that church can be a place of space, creativity, and rest. It seems like there must be a closet somewhere that, when opened, will pour forth judging, moralizing, and eternal damning.
Yesterday I was sad, and I was grateful for the amusement of blogs, and the knowledge that some of you were thinking of me and of each other and taking the time to write to each other. Hmmm, perhaps I was just burdened with the weight of Jimmy's sin (there's that spiritual gift of mine again!)
Note to self: When sadness comes, embrace lots of it, and some of our fellow humans who carry it. And be grateful. You are loved, and you have love to give. This is a blessing.
College Students Say the Darndest Things
"I don't know...it's kind of hard to be around Christians when you're going through something hard. First, they make you feel like an alien. Then, they find reasons to blame you for whatever you're going through. In my hardest times, I wish I had gone to a secular school where I could have found more support."
Monday, February 16, 2004
The Total Depravity of Jimmy
One of the things I like about Solomon's Porch is that I have opportunities to exercise my spiritual gifts. One of my greatest spiritual gifts (and I have many) is the ability to perceive other peoples' sins. A related gift is that I don't sin very much, which is a great complement to the first one. I'd like to use this blog to call out peoples' sins, even before talking with them personally. I know, I know, you're thinking, "Hey, Jenell, what about Matthew 18?" My approach, however, isn't so much a violation of Matthew 18 as a creative twist.
I was at a birthday party for a woman, let's call her "Carla", given by her husband who we'll call "Jimmy." Let's even say that "Carla" wrote a "children's book" recently. Now, also by way of introduction, I must mention that Jimmy has many wonderful qualities. Just a brief list of three: wanting others to like liturgy, talking about the liturgy at his last church, and reading out loud from a Jean Vanier book. He's a great guy! Well, at this party, he started ranting about Carla's book. He claims that he wrote much of the book but didn't get credit for it. People were sort of embarrassed for him, because if he had written it, obviously his name would be on the cover (which it isn't). He brought the book over to me and a few other people and said (again), "I wrote some of this!" "Like this page, for example," and he flipped through the book. "Well, I can't find any of my stuff right now," he concluded. "But we wrote some little rhymes together like, um, um, um, Jesus is the cheese-uzz..." There was an awkward silence and then he said, "well, that's not a very good one."
"Jesus is the cheese-uzz?" Jimmy, that doesn't even mean anything! It was obvious to everyone that not only did Jimmy not write the book, but he also can't rhyme, and he is COVETOUS. I thought maybe it was avarice, but really, it's covetousness, wanting something that isn't his.
The book is for children. With Carla, it's all for the kids. Jimmy, why not just help the children, and let your tall tales go?
P.S. Let me know if this "calling out the sins of the brethren" works well. Maybe we could try it at church sometimes. The important thing is to do it without forewarning, so the person can really be convicted of their sins without a chance to repent ahead of time.
Peace and love to everyone today. I'm working at home, and then teaching about racism and white privilege tonight - always an uplifting topic.
P.S.S. Please please please don't write me a comment that makes me explain the genre of this post!
One of the things I like about Solomon's Porch is that I have opportunities to exercise my spiritual gifts. One of my greatest spiritual gifts (and I have many) is the ability to perceive other peoples' sins. A related gift is that I don't sin very much, which is a great complement to the first one. I'd like to use this blog to call out peoples' sins, even before talking with them personally. I know, I know, you're thinking, "Hey, Jenell, what about Matthew 18?" My approach, however, isn't so much a violation of Matthew 18 as a creative twist.
I was at a birthday party for a woman, let's call her "Carla", given by her husband who we'll call "Jimmy." Let's even say that "Carla" wrote a "children's book" recently. Now, also by way of introduction, I must mention that Jimmy has many wonderful qualities. Just a brief list of three: wanting others to like liturgy, talking about the liturgy at his last church, and reading out loud from a Jean Vanier book. He's a great guy! Well, at this party, he started ranting about Carla's book. He claims that he wrote much of the book but didn't get credit for it. People were sort of embarrassed for him, because if he had written it, obviously his name would be on the cover (which it isn't). He brought the book over to me and a few other people and said (again), "I wrote some of this!" "Like this page, for example," and he flipped through the book. "Well, I can't find any of my stuff right now," he concluded. "But we wrote some little rhymes together like, um, um, um, Jesus is the cheese-uzz..." There was an awkward silence and then he said, "well, that's not a very good one."
"Jesus is the cheese-uzz?" Jimmy, that doesn't even mean anything! It was obvious to everyone that not only did Jimmy not write the book, but he also can't rhyme, and he is COVETOUS. I thought maybe it was avarice, but really, it's covetousness, wanting something that isn't his.
The book is for children. With Carla, it's all for the kids. Jimmy, why not just help the children, and let your tall tales go?
P.S. Let me know if this "calling out the sins of the brethren" works well. Maybe we could try it at church sometimes. The important thing is to do it without forewarning, so the person can really be convicted of their sins without a chance to repent ahead of time.
Peace and love to everyone today. I'm working at home, and then teaching about racism and white privilege tonight - always an uplifting topic.
P.S.S. Please please please don't write me a comment that makes me explain the genre of this post!
Saturday, February 14, 2004
The Dr. Is Not In
The Christianity Today articles on blogs focus on them as alternative media - news and idea-producing venues. CT's first article, A Theoblogical Revolution, lists good Christian blogs. My favorite is Rudy Carrasco's - I refer my students there to find urban ministry and racial reconciliation articles. Rudy's on top of the issues, and writes thoughtful and well-researched pieces himself. (Student readers, consider yourselves referred).
What CT doesn't discuss, however, is the fun of blogging. And let's not develop a whole theology of having fun (except for this paragraph here). Fun is fun, and it's good. Why would I create another venue in which I have to act like a professor? I have dozens of students and dozens of hours in which to explore Serious Ideas like the Christian worldview, social injustice, and vocation. KP's blog was a salve to my grieving heart because it made me laugh, and it linked me to other people who also make me laugh. It's an intellectual playground, and that's enough. Blogging doesn't need to recreate the church or redeem the culture, though if people use a blog as their platform for that, that's wonderful (Jimmy - a platform for you?). But if the rest of us just want to have fun, then that's a bit of redemption right in our midst. Death, pain, depression, and seriousness don't always win the day - sometimes we laugh in the face of brokeness, spurred on by The Cat Blog or Richard the Cat. If you want Dr. Paris, go to my website at Bethel and bore yourself to sleep reading my vitae. If you want to play with me and my friends, stay here. Caveat: if you're Dave Jiang, then I'm always Dr. Paris!
Teaser for next blog: Jimmy says, "Don't blog about me!" Isn't that just a cry for blogattention?
Oh, for cute!
I noticed that Tipper and Big Al both have cotton candy pink noses. Opal's nose is darker pink, and Ruby's is black. What color is your cat's nose?
The Christianity Today articles on blogs focus on them as alternative media - news and idea-producing venues. CT's first article, A Theoblogical Revolution, lists good Christian blogs. My favorite is Rudy Carrasco's - I refer my students there to find urban ministry and racial reconciliation articles. Rudy's on top of the issues, and writes thoughtful and well-researched pieces himself. (Student readers, consider yourselves referred).
What CT doesn't discuss, however, is the fun of blogging. And let's not develop a whole theology of having fun (except for this paragraph here). Fun is fun, and it's good. Why would I create another venue in which I have to act like a professor? I have dozens of students and dozens of hours in which to explore Serious Ideas like the Christian worldview, social injustice, and vocation. KP's blog was a salve to my grieving heart because it made me laugh, and it linked me to other people who also make me laugh. It's an intellectual playground, and that's enough. Blogging doesn't need to recreate the church or redeem the culture, though if people use a blog as their platform for that, that's wonderful (Jimmy - a platform for you?). But if the rest of us just want to have fun, then that's a bit of redemption right in our midst. Death, pain, depression, and seriousness don't always win the day - sometimes we laugh in the face of brokeness, spurred on by The Cat Blog or Richard the Cat. If you want Dr. Paris, go to my website at Bethel and bore yourself to sleep reading my vitae. If you want to play with me and my friends, stay here. Caveat: if you're Dave Jiang, then I'm always Dr. Paris!
Teaser for next blog: Jimmy says, "Don't blog about me!" Isn't that just a cry for blogattention?
Oh, for cute!
I noticed that Tipper and Big Al both have cotton candy pink noses. Opal's nose is darker pink, and Ruby's is black. What color is your cat's nose?
Friday, February 13, 2004
Newsflash: Christianity Today Attacks Opal!
How would you feel if you were persistently constipated? You'd feel sad and troubled, that's how you'd feel. How would you feel if you were persistently constipated _and_ your digestion woes were revealed in a national expose? I don't know how this feels, but I'll talk to Opal about it tonight. Christianity Today, for reasons unknown to me, linked to The Paris Project in an article about blogs. If you thought Bethel was Big B, try the Big CT - we're all being watched. Really, it's all thanks to Ted Olsen, Master Christian Web Geek, who creates CT Online. I know I talk about sex alot, but he encourages it!
How would you feel if you were persistently constipated? You'd feel sad and troubled, that's how you'd feel. How would you feel if you were persistently constipated _and_ your digestion woes were revealed in a national expose? I don't know how this feels, but I'll talk to Opal about it tonight. Christianity Today, for reasons unknown to me, linked to The Paris Project in an article about blogs. If you thought Bethel was Big B, try the Big CT - we're all being watched. Really, it's all thanks to Ted Olsen, Master Christian Web Geek, who creates CT Online. I know I talk about sex alot, but he encourages it!
I got saved because someone judged me!
With a powerful mix of revulsion and compulsion, I listen to Talk the Walk, a fundamentalist radio program, on from 3-6 on KKMS, 980 AM. Todd Friel is a former Christian comedian who now focuses on promoting evangelism and exposing false teachers. He has a section on his website "For Pagans Only", so if you'd like to check your status quickly, see whether or not your hairstyle and lighting are pagan. If you're willing to invest a little more time in avoiding hellfire, then read on.
Todd promotes and uses the witnessing philosophy of Kirk Cameron (yes, that Kirk Cameron) and Ray Comfort. They say that it is wrong to hand out grace like it's candy. First, give a person the law (the Ten Commandments). Then assess whether or not they really seem repentant. If they're not repentant, don't share the gospel with them. This offends God because it is throwing pearls before swine. If they really seem sorry for their sins, then you can offer them Jesus. Lots of people who say they're Christian really aren't, so don't hesitate to subject them to the Good Person test, too.
I know, you're chomping at the bit, asking, "How can I know this Jesus who seems so powerfully legalistic and judging?" Well, if you try hard enough, I might let you pray to him. Start here, and click "high speed." Then you can see Kirk talking to you. and if you say "No" you're not a Christian, you can take the "Am I A Good Person" test.
And, in conclusion, I must question whether or not I'm being judgmental by writing in this kind of tone about fellow believers. To some extent, I am -- I just am not living the life of love fully enough to hold compassion for my fellow believers who are tormenting the unsaved and misrepresenting the Lord as unloving. But even if I were more loving, I still think I would critique this witnessing style because it is based on law, not grace. Jesus came to fulfill the law, so why witness with the Ten Commandments? They aren't the measure of the Chrisitan life - it is devotion to Jesus, not to law, that matters.
One positive note about the fundamentalist radio station - there's a great counseling program from 2-3 (or 1-3) weekdays. Its' "New Life Live", and they give great advice and perspective to people struggling with addiction, adultery, depression, childraising...they speak honestly about any part of life. Refreshing.
Peace and love to everyone today. I see the sun coming up over my neighbor's house, which seems like a good sign.
With a powerful mix of revulsion and compulsion, I listen to Talk the Walk, a fundamentalist radio program, on from 3-6 on KKMS, 980 AM. Todd Friel is a former Christian comedian who now focuses on promoting evangelism and exposing false teachers. He has a section on his website "For Pagans Only", so if you'd like to check your status quickly, see whether or not your hairstyle and lighting are pagan. If you're willing to invest a little more time in avoiding hellfire, then read on.
Todd promotes and uses the witnessing philosophy of Kirk Cameron (yes, that Kirk Cameron) and Ray Comfort. They say that it is wrong to hand out grace like it's candy. First, give a person the law (the Ten Commandments). Then assess whether or not they really seem repentant. If they're not repentant, don't share the gospel with them. This offends God because it is throwing pearls before swine. If they really seem sorry for their sins, then you can offer them Jesus. Lots of people who say they're Christian really aren't, so don't hesitate to subject them to the Good Person test, too.
I know, you're chomping at the bit, asking, "How can I know this Jesus who seems so powerfully legalistic and judging?" Well, if you try hard enough, I might let you pray to him. Start here, and click "high speed." Then you can see Kirk talking to you. and if you say "No" you're not a Christian, you can take the "Am I A Good Person" test.
And, in conclusion, I must question whether or not I'm being judgmental by writing in this kind of tone about fellow believers. To some extent, I am -- I just am not living the life of love fully enough to hold compassion for my fellow believers who are tormenting the unsaved and misrepresenting the Lord as unloving. But even if I were more loving, I still think I would critique this witnessing style because it is based on law, not grace. Jesus came to fulfill the law, so why witness with the Ten Commandments? They aren't the measure of the Chrisitan life - it is devotion to Jesus, not to law, that matters.
One positive note about the fundamentalist radio station - there's a great counseling program from 2-3 (or 1-3) weekdays. Its' "New Life Live", and they give great advice and perspective to people struggling with addiction, adultery, depression, childraising...they speak honestly about any part of life. Refreshing.
Peace and love to everyone today. I see the sun coming up over my neighbor's house, which seems like a good sign.
Thursday, February 12, 2004
Be perfect, as your father in heaven is perfect.
I am considering giving up perfectionism for Lent, giving myself permission to rest, and to do creative work that I'm not "excellent" at doing. I have some writing I'd like to do, but I've intimidated myself with my own expectations, so I don't do it. The other Lent option is to restrict my perfectionism to cooking, and pursue 40 days of good cooking (Cook's ILlustrated is where it's at). After the perfect brownies, I moved on to the perfect lentil soup, which was very good (saute the lentils at the beginning, and at the end add flavored vinegar and spinach).
This morning my student said that his childhood church is in a very small town. Well, it _was_ in a very small town. The town's existence has come to an end, and all that remains is the church. Attenders have to drive at least 50 miles from their homes in surrounding towns. Church leaders have some great ideas about contextualizing the gospel, but the ideas don't work out very well in practice. The culture has packed its bags and moved on, and the Christians are left behind listening to the wind blow through the leveled town around their church.
I am considering giving up perfectionism for Lent, giving myself permission to rest, and to do creative work that I'm not "excellent" at doing. I have some writing I'd like to do, but I've intimidated myself with my own expectations, so I don't do it. The other Lent option is to restrict my perfectionism to cooking, and pursue 40 days of good cooking (Cook's ILlustrated is where it's at). After the perfect brownies, I moved on to the perfect lentil soup, which was very good (saute the lentils at the beginning, and at the end add flavored vinegar and spinach).
This morning my student said that his childhood church is in a very small town. Well, it _was_ in a very small town. The town's existence has come to an end, and all that remains is the church. Attenders have to drive at least 50 miles from their homes in surrounding towns. Church leaders have some great ideas about contextualizing the gospel, but the ideas don't work out very well in practice. The culture has packed its bags and moved on, and the Christians are left behind listening to the wind blow through the leveled town around their church.
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
Wait a second! Is this really my life? What happened to it?
I'm offering a word of gratitude to the Big B faculty this afternoon at our faculty meeting. They have been very loving. Writing it, however, has had my mind and heart so focused on my loss that now I'm sad. It makes me look at my life and say, "What the &*%$# just happened?" I'm leaving the office door shut to find some peace for the afternoon.
Speaking of peace... I love Madeleine L'Engle. And Kathleen Norris. And Anne Lamott. And Henri Nouwen. I'm selling alot of my books (1990s marxian urban anthropology, anyone?) to make way for something new. Something new involves reading good writing. Which authors bring you peace (and why are most of my favorites women? Am I missing some men?)? Tell me, please. Also, do you have any L'Engle books I can borrow or buy? (I've already read Walking on Water and Wrinkle in Time). It's so much more important to be wise than to be smart, and these egghead scholars who write buh-or-eeng tomes are just getting on my last nerve.
Oh, for cute!
Again, to avoid embarrassing Opal, I'll spare you the details. Let's just say that she was purring, running, and playing with the string with a vigor unseen for quite some time.
I'm offering a word of gratitude to the Big B faculty this afternoon at our faculty meeting. They have been very loving. Writing it, however, has had my mind and heart so focused on my loss that now I'm sad. It makes me look at my life and say, "What the &*%$# just happened?" I'm leaving the office door shut to find some peace for the afternoon.
Speaking of peace... I love Madeleine L'Engle. And Kathleen Norris. And Anne Lamott. And Henri Nouwen. I'm selling alot of my books (1990s marxian urban anthropology, anyone?) to make way for something new. Something new involves reading good writing. Which authors bring you peace (and why are most of my favorites women? Am I missing some men?)? Tell me, please. Also, do you have any L'Engle books I can borrow or buy? (I've already read Walking on Water and Wrinkle in Time). It's so much more important to be wise than to be smart, and these egghead scholars who write buh-or-eeng tomes are just getting on my last nerve.
Oh, for cute!
Again, to avoid embarrassing Opal, I'll spare you the details. Let's just say that she was purring, running, and playing with the string with a vigor unseen for quite some time.
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
Love is everywhere, and it's infinitely generous. Someone asked me whether my grief is worse because I had three babies die, in contrast to just one. May my life never allow me to answer that question from experience! But I don't think it was necessarily worse. I love James 100%, but then when I got pregnant, I still had 100% to give. When I discovered that I had three babies, I still had it all to give. 100% + 100% + 100% = 100%.
Creativity is another matter. I only have so much, and when it is drained, it is gone. I stopped sewing and embroidering almost entirely when I started teaching. I teach a long class on Monday night, and then two more Tuesday morning. I'm not as interested in my blog, or in others, because my creative energy is all being used in class. I'm also fueling myself with caffeine and sugar, which doesn't help the brain any.
Please offer comments for my amusement: What was an extreme characteristic you had as a child? My answer? I talked very quickly, and without ceasing. My mother would shush me when my sister was trying to get a word in edgewise (as if she had anything to say, anyway!)
College students say the darndest things!
A colleague called me and said that one of my students is in her Bible study. The student asked the group to pray for me and James this semester, because she had heard that our children died. Maybe it's actually possible that someone could look at Christians and say, "My, how they love each other!"
Creativity is another matter. I only have so much, and when it is drained, it is gone. I stopped sewing and embroidering almost entirely when I started teaching. I teach a long class on Monday night, and then two more Tuesday morning. I'm not as interested in my blog, or in others, because my creative energy is all being used in class. I'm also fueling myself with caffeine and sugar, which doesn't help the brain any.
Please offer comments for my amusement: What was an extreme characteristic you had as a child? My answer? I talked very quickly, and without ceasing. My mother would shush me when my sister was trying to get a word in edgewise (as if she had anything to say, anyway!)
College students say the darndest things!
A colleague called me and said that one of my students is in her Bible study. The student asked the group to pray for me and James this semester, because she had heard that our children died. Maybe it's actually possible that someone could look at Christians and say, "My, how they love each other!"
Monday, February 09, 2004
The Epistle of Jenell to the Bloggers
Greetings to the Saints of the Blog! Grace and peace to you from our Lord Jesus Christ! I have recently traveled to Rochester, Minnesota, and bring you greetings from the saints of L'Abri, who are building the kingdom around the world, one student at a time. I also bring word of Curt Squires, who had also made the long journey to southern Minnesota. He is well, and we both look forward to returning to you soon.
I want to share with you some of what I learned at L'Abri, so you will be aware of what the Lord is doing in our midst, and of how Satan continually besieges us. I learned about sex and marriage from Mardi Keyes, a beautiful woman of faith. She described how we tend to take God's good gifts and make idols of them, saying we must have them and we can't live without them - the kind of devotion that belongs to God alone. God's best gifts - work, family, and wealth - are the most likely to become idols.
I also learned about addiction from John Prin, a former alcoholic. I learned that if you steal away from your bed in the night because you crave the sexual arousal you can only experience at a casino, then you have a problem. We all must be mindful of our tendency to keep secrets and be duplicitous, and must care for those in our midst who are trapped in their secrets.
Most stimulating for our Porch community was a lecture titled, "The Conforming Impotence of Postmodern Faith." The thesis was Chrsitianity loses its transforming power when it uses postmodern philosophy. He argued that POMO acknowledges the social construction of realtiy, the cultural conditioning of our understandings of truth, and that there is no objective vantage point from which to announce objective,universal truth claims. I agreed wholeheartedly with all of this, and waited for his warnings of impotence, yet these _were_, in fact, his negative conclusions! He especially spoke against Nancey Murphy, an intellectual heartthrob of Jimmy's. He was correct, of course, that POMO Christianity is based on a new way to generate knowledge and a new understanding of rationality. It surely has pitfalls to which we must attend, but so did modern faith. We always must beware a complete absorption of the culture into our faith.
I found that Satan is alive and well in Rochester, and seemed quite interested in me. During the aforementioned lecture, my pulse was racing, and I whispered to James, "I want to punch him in the face!" I was so disturbed by his disagreement with My Ideas that I harbored violence in my heart. Then I envied Madeleine L'Engle because she's a better writer than me. Instead of delighting in her gifts, I wanted them for myself. Then I became impatient with james because I wanted him to get dressed faster. Selfishness through and through - I set myself at the center and want to arrange the time, the gifts, and the thoughts of others to suit myself.
Please pray for me as I battle with sin, and I will do the same for you. Please give greetings to all the other bloggers, and those at Solomon's Porch as well. If the Lord wills, I will rejoin you soon.
Finally, be strong in the Lord, being sure of how much you are loved. And notice with what large letters I write - I have not used a scribe this time.
Oh, for cute!
I'm concerned now, thinking that Opal is constipated. Any advice? I rolled her food in psyllium seed - maybe that will help. I'd give you more details, but I don't want to embarrass her. And, by the way, if you think I'm a cat freak, check out these blogs. My Life is Hell and I Crap in a Box.
Greetings to the Saints of the Blog! Grace and peace to you from our Lord Jesus Christ! I have recently traveled to Rochester, Minnesota, and bring you greetings from the saints of L'Abri, who are building the kingdom around the world, one student at a time. I also bring word of Curt Squires, who had also made the long journey to southern Minnesota. He is well, and we both look forward to returning to you soon.
I want to share with you some of what I learned at L'Abri, so you will be aware of what the Lord is doing in our midst, and of how Satan continually besieges us. I learned about sex and marriage from Mardi Keyes, a beautiful woman of faith. She described how we tend to take God's good gifts and make idols of them, saying we must have them and we can't live without them - the kind of devotion that belongs to God alone. God's best gifts - work, family, and wealth - are the most likely to become idols.
I also learned about addiction from John Prin, a former alcoholic. I learned that if you steal away from your bed in the night because you crave the sexual arousal you can only experience at a casino, then you have a problem. We all must be mindful of our tendency to keep secrets and be duplicitous, and must care for those in our midst who are trapped in their secrets.
Most stimulating for our Porch community was a lecture titled, "The Conforming Impotence of Postmodern Faith." The thesis was Chrsitianity loses its transforming power when it uses postmodern philosophy. He argued that POMO acknowledges the social construction of realtiy, the cultural conditioning of our understandings of truth, and that there is no objective vantage point from which to announce objective,universal truth claims. I agreed wholeheartedly with all of this, and waited for his warnings of impotence, yet these _were_, in fact, his negative conclusions! He especially spoke against Nancey Murphy, an intellectual heartthrob of Jimmy's. He was correct, of course, that POMO Christianity is based on a new way to generate knowledge and a new understanding of rationality. It surely has pitfalls to which we must attend, but so did modern faith. We always must beware a complete absorption of the culture into our faith.
I found that Satan is alive and well in Rochester, and seemed quite interested in me. During the aforementioned lecture, my pulse was racing, and I whispered to James, "I want to punch him in the face!" I was so disturbed by his disagreement with My Ideas that I harbored violence in my heart. Then I envied Madeleine L'Engle because she's a better writer than me. Instead of delighting in her gifts, I wanted them for myself. Then I became impatient with james because I wanted him to get dressed faster. Selfishness through and through - I set myself at the center and want to arrange the time, the gifts, and the thoughts of others to suit myself.
Please pray for me as I battle with sin, and I will do the same for you. Please give greetings to all the other bloggers, and those at Solomon's Porch as well. If the Lord wills, I will rejoin you soon.
Finally, be strong in the Lord, being sure of how much you are loved. And notice with what large letters I write - I have not used a scribe this time.
Oh, for cute!
I'm concerned now, thinking that Opal is constipated. Any advice? I rolled her food in psyllium seed - maybe that will help. I'd give you more details, but I don't want to embarrass her. And, by the way, if you think I'm a cat freak, check out these blogs. My Life is Hell and I Crap in a Box.
Thursday, February 05, 2004
James and I are going to Rochester for the weekend for the L'Abri conference. I promise to learn alot and tell you about it when I return.
Oh, for cute!
Opal puked on the rug, but then she ate most of it so there isn't much to clean up.
Oh, for cute!
Opal puked on the rug, but then she ate most of it so there isn't much to clean up.
It is truly insulting when employment gets in the way of blogging. Don't worry - I taught poorly and thought about blogging the whole time. I know my priorities.
The brownies were, indeed, perfection. Toast the pecans before putting them on top, use unsweetened chocolate, unsalted butter, and cake flour. Fabulous. I had one last night, a bit before bed, and one more today. This all contributes to my post-pregnancy re-acquaintance with unvomited food, and to my comfort with being five pounds heavier and ten times flabbier than I used to be. Really, I am comfortable with it. That's why I keep thinking and writing about it. Soooo comfortable.
A small group of folks from the Porch met last night to talk about contributing to the church in the area of prayer, or maybe suffering, or maybe healing...and then sex took center stage. Javier is really way too comfortable with his sexuality, I must say, and I think Sarah helps feed the beast.
What does healthy sexuality mean for us -- we who are single well into our 30s and 40s, we who are survivors of sexual abuse and harm, we who live in a culture of divorce, we who have seen Janet Jackson's boob? Writers of Scripture knew nothing of dating, women wearing pants, or modern-style engagements. What then do their stories and ideas mean for our world? I have looked for The Answer Man, the one who has the right spin on boundaries and purity and non-hetero-sexualities, thinking that it is a matter of spinning biblical truth in a smart way for our culture. After perusing Josh Harris, James Dobson, and Elizabeth Eliot, I'm no longer looking for the answers.
I'm looking for a way of life, a quality of dialogue, and an intimacy of relationship in the church that can help us live together with sexuality as an acknowledged part of our lives. I also think that we won't all agree - we can't just start an educational campaign to tell everyone what's what. We need a strong grounding in orthodoxy and a strong engagement with community beyond S.P., and then we need to just live with each other, honestly talking and respectfully disagreeing, and being part of each other's decision-making, even in the most intimate parts of life. And when people make sexual choices that have bad consequences, we need to share our own similar stories and remind ourselves that God's grace is sufficient for us all.
Hmmm... maybe I think I'm the Answer Man! I should just stop now.
Comment section: As we explore sexuality together as the family of God, what are the big questions?
And to conclude, a mixed list. This is a list of the tallest man in my Qualitative Research Methods class, Ruby's morning treat, the man's picture who is on my office wall, something you might not know about me, the number of plants in my office, and the thing that drives KP crazy.
1. Greg
2. milk
3. James
4. I used to dance back-up for a Christian rapper
5. 12
6. when people steal her witticisms without giving her credit
The brownies were, indeed, perfection. Toast the pecans before putting them on top, use unsweetened chocolate, unsalted butter, and cake flour. Fabulous. I had one last night, a bit before bed, and one more today. This all contributes to my post-pregnancy re-acquaintance with unvomited food, and to my comfort with being five pounds heavier and ten times flabbier than I used to be. Really, I am comfortable with it. That's why I keep thinking and writing about it. Soooo comfortable.
A small group of folks from the Porch met last night to talk about contributing to the church in the area of prayer, or maybe suffering, or maybe healing...and then sex took center stage. Javier is really way too comfortable with his sexuality, I must say, and I think Sarah helps feed the beast.
What does healthy sexuality mean for us -- we who are single well into our 30s and 40s, we who are survivors of sexual abuse and harm, we who live in a culture of divorce, we who have seen Janet Jackson's boob? Writers of Scripture knew nothing of dating, women wearing pants, or modern-style engagements. What then do their stories and ideas mean for our world? I have looked for The Answer Man, the one who has the right spin on boundaries and purity and non-hetero-sexualities, thinking that it is a matter of spinning biblical truth in a smart way for our culture. After perusing Josh Harris, James Dobson, and Elizabeth Eliot, I'm no longer looking for the answers.
I'm looking for a way of life, a quality of dialogue, and an intimacy of relationship in the church that can help us live together with sexuality as an acknowledged part of our lives. I also think that we won't all agree - we can't just start an educational campaign to tell everyone what's what. We need a strong grounding in orthodoxy and a strong engagement with community beyond S.P., and then we need to just live with each other, honestly talking and respectfully disagreeing, and being part of each other's decision-making, even in the most intimate parts of life. And when people make sexual choices that have bad consequences, we need to share our own similar stories and remind ourselves that God's grace is sufficient for us all.
Hmmm... maybe I think I'm the Answer Man! I should just stop now.
Comment section: As we explore sexuality together as the family of God, what are the big questions?
And to conclude, a mixed list. This is a list of the tallest man in my Qualitative Research Methods class, Ruby's morning treat, the man's picture who is on my office wall, something you might not know about me, the number of plants in my office, and the thing that drives KP crazy.
1. Greg
2. milk
3. James
4. I used to dance back-up for a Christian rapper
5. 12
6. when people steal her witticisms without giving her credit
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
It's only 6:45 am, and I have sex on the brain. Several students yesterday mentioned female sexuality as something they want to explore (double entendre intended). I'm also talking with some students at a dorm event in March about sexuality. If I think Porchly about it all, I think we ought to be relying on the best of the past, and then making new theology about sex, relevant to our world. My goodness- we certainly can't just take Augustine straight (have sex as rarely as possible, if you insist on procreating...and just do as I say, not as I do) or Luther (drat those night-flying, male genital-stealing witches!). We live in a strange culture that, for Christians, delays marriage for years, sometimes decades, beyond sexual readiness. That's a different cultural context than any of the biblical writers, and most of Christian history.
I'm hesitant to say anything to college students because I'm a Married Person, increasingly becoming an Old Married Person. I know I could find a copy of Dobson's "stair step" model of male-female touch... What I'm really thinking about, in the realm of emotion, not sex, is expression and repression. It seems that those are our two options, or perhaps poles, in the emotional life. Might this be the case for sexuality, too? And how can we express sexuality healthfully in what for evangelicals is a bizarrely dichotomized existence - a sex-saturated culture and a sex-repressed church? It's an issue for all of us, just changing form and focus as we are single or married, and as we age.
I referred my students to Lauren Winner's article, "Sex and the Single Christian: The Church Lady v. the Evangelical Whore" (students, if you're reading this, I put the link there for you!). It is an articulate statement of the problem, though, not a clear solution.
Any leads or ideas? Let me know.
On a sweeter note, I found a recipe for the perfect brownie. I subscribed to Cook's Illustrated, and they test a recipe 15-60 times to reach perfection. Two hints for brownies - cake flour and unsweetened chocolate. I may try them tonight. I made Martha's brownies last week, and was not pleased.
Oh, for cute!
Please comment below, o you who sleep with cats. Are your cats under-the-cover-sleepers, or outside-the-covers? In my house, Opal is always under. I'm training Ruby in, but she doesn't like it as much as I do.
Another new and soon-to-be-repeating section:
College Students Say the Darndest Things
"I just want to experiment with my sexuality without being called a whore!"
I'm hesitant to say anything to college students because I'm a Married Person, increasingly becoming an Old Married Person. I know I could find a copy of Dobson's "stair step" model of male-female touch... What I'm really thinking about, in the realm of emotion, not sex, is expression and repression. It seems that those are our two options, or perhaps poles, in the emotional life. Might this be the case for sexuality, too? And how can we express sexuality healthfully in what for evangelicals is a bizarrely dichotomized existence - a sex-saturated culture and a sex-repressed church? It's an issue for all of us, just changing form and focus as we are single or married, and as we age.
I referred my students to Lauren Winner's article, "Sex and the Single Christian: The Church Lady v. the Evangelical Whore" (students, if you're reading this, I put the link there for you!). It is an articulate statement of the problem, though, not a clear solution.
Any leads or ideas? Let me know.
On a sweeter note, I found a recipe for the perfect brownie. I subscribed to Cook's Illustrated, and they test a recipe 15-60 times to reach perfection. Two hints for brownies - cake flour and unsweetened chocolate. I may try them tonight. I made Martha's brownies last week, and was not pleased.
Oh, for cute!
Please comment below, o you who sleep with cats. Are your cats under-the-cover-sleepers, or outside-the-covers? In my house, Opal is always under. I'm training Ruby in, but she doesn't like it as much as I do.
Another new and soon-to-be-repeating section:
College Students Say the Darndest Things
"I just want to experiment with my sexuality without being called a whore!"
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
My night class was cancelled last night. There was a lot'o'learning that went undone. I was disappointed. James and I shoveled, and threw the cats in the snow, which did not please them.
Eric Anderson (a.k.a. Oscar) came to my office yesterday - I'm his academic advisor. I've never overseen the academic progress of a Rocker before. I hope I do a good job.
Eric Anderson (a.k.a. Oscar) came to my office yesterday - I'm his academic advisor. I've never overseen the academic progress of a Rocker before. I hope I do a good job.
Monday, February 02, 2004
Here goes...I'm dipping my toes into the World of Blog. One of the worst feelings is when you're in the pool, up to your waist, so your lower half is wet and your upper half is dry. It's really too cold, but there you are, half-committed. While others are swimming, I'm still struggling to commit.
Blogging makes me feel like a high-schooler...people probably won't like my blog. Other blogs are better. My face is too fat, and my front teeth are too big. No one will sit by me.
The theme of my inner life in the last five months has been, "Clear out the bullshit!" Get help, get healthy, and move on. Let this blog be a step in the right direction. Honestly, I've been reading our church's book this morning, and I'm remembering what Luke said last night about being a transparent person. (I tried to see through his clothes, but I guess that wasn't what he really meant). I'll throw my life in the mix too, via blog, and end my weeks of voyeurism via KP's blog and links.
One repeating part of my blog, which will keep you all coming back, is this section, named after a commonly used phrase by Minnesotans of the generation prior to mine. It will include vignettes of the lives of Ruby and Opal, and will be appreciated only by fellow cat-lovers.
"Oh, for cute!"
Recently, in the depth of the night, Opal sneaks into the litter box, cradles a turd between her teeth, and carries it to another spot in the house. It's like Christmas morning every morning, when I wake to find The Gift.
Blogging makes me feel like a high-schooler...people probably won't like my blog. Other blogs are better. My face is too fat, and my front teeth are too big. No one will sit by me.
The theme of my inner life in the last five months has been, "Clear out the bullshit!" Get help, get healthy, and move on. Let this blog be a step in the right direction. Honestly, I've been reading our church's book this morning, and I'm remembering what Luke said last night about being a transparent person. (I tried to see through his clothes, but I guess that wasn't what he really meant). I'll throw my life in the mix too, via blog, and end my weeks of voyeurism via KP's blog and links.
One repeating part of my blog, which will keep you all coming back, is this section, named after a commonly used phrase by Minnesotans of the generation prior to mine. It will include vignettes of the lives of Ruby and Opal, and will be appreciated only by fellow cat-lovers.
"Oh, for cute!"
Recently, in the depth of the night, Opal sneaks into the litter box, cradles a turd between her teeth, and carries it to another spot in the house. It's like Christmas morning every morning, when I wake to find The Gift.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home