Monday, May 24, 2004
Crisis of faith?
In the midst of numerous upheavals, KP was asked about this "crisis of faith" and was offered Jer. 29:11 as a salve. She responded by wearing a sparkly red shirt to church, which is an obvious sign that she is not having said crisis.
I, too, have been asked whether I am experiencing a crisis of faith, which I am not. What is a crisis of faith? Have you ever experienced one? What sort of crises have been part of your life difficulties?
My babies' death sparked five crises: a crisis of health (my mind and body are taking months to heal), a crisis of life (there was lots of death), a crisis of happiness (obviously), and two faith-related crises. It was a crisis of peace because I was, for months, unable to relax and experience calmness of body, mind, or spirit. I resisted the situation instead of accepting it, and could not experience the contentment of the Holy Spirit that is available regardless of circumstance. And it was a crisis of hope. I couldn't imagine the future ever being better, and faced the future with fear and hesitance.
It was a crisis of these five things: health, life, happiness, peace, and hope. It was not, however, a crisis of faith, because God was close at hand every day. It was not a crisis of love, because loving people surrounded me, and still do. It was not a crisis of gentleness or kindness - love, gentleness and kindness were a shelter built for me by my friends.
A crisis of faith would depend upon how faith is defined. I think of faith as living with God in mystery and uncertainty. Faith is living in trust - I will face this day, even this difficult day, trusting that God will love me. Having theological questions (Why is God doing this to me? How does God work? Why me?) is not a crisis of faith. In fact, maybe absolute theological certainty is a real crisis of faith. When a person lives by his/her own understanding of God and God's ways, there is no faith. When a person is confident that future outcomes will correspond with current prayers or actions, there is no faith. This person makes their own live and their own future by their own effort. It doesn't really matter whether it is theistic effort or atheistic effort.
Theological doubts, acknowledgement of uncertainty, and facing the fact that life is really hard may be a tremendous step of faith, not a crisis. Seeing clearly that one's own efforts in prayer or morality do not pay off with outcomes, and seeing one's own theological limitations can free a person to receive God on God's own terms. Free of expectation and manipulation, the person can live with God in simplicity, come what may.
In the midst of numerous upheavals, KP was asked about this "crisis of faith" and was offered Jer. 29:11 as a salve. She responded by wearing a sparkly red shirt to church, which is an obvious sign that she is not having said crisis.
I, too, have been asked whether I am experiencing a crisis of faith, which I am not. What is a crisis of faith? Have you ever experienced one? What sort of crises have been part of your life difficulties?
My babies' death sparked five crises: a crisis of health (my mind and body are taking months to heal), a crisis of life (there was lots of death), a crisis of happiness (obviously), and two faith-related crises. It was a crisis of peace because I was, for months, unable to relax and experience calmness of body, mind, or spirit. I resisted the situation instead of accepting it, and could not experience the contentment of the Holy Spirit that is available regardless of circumstance. And it was a crisis of hope. I couldn't imagine the future ever being better, and faced the future with fear and hesitance.
It was a crisis of these five things: health, life, happiness, peace, and hope. It was not, however, a crisis of faith, because God was close at hand every day. It was not a crisis of love, because loving people surrounded me, and still do. It was not a crisis of gentleness or kindness - love, gentleness and kindness were a shelter built for me by my friends.
A crisis of faith would depend upon how faith is defined. I think of faith as living with God in mystery and uncertainty. Faith is living in trust - I will face this day, even this difficult day, trusting that God will love me. Having theological questions (Why is God doing this to me? How does God work? Why me?) is not a crisis of faith. In fact, maybe absolute theological certainty is a real crisis of faith. When a person lives by his/her own understanding of God and God's ways, there is no faith. When a person is confident that future outcomes will correspond with current prayers or actions, there is no faith. This person makes their own live and their own future by their own effort. It doesn't really matter whether it is theistic effort or atheistic effort.
Theological doubts, acknowledgement of uncertainty, and facing the fact that life is really hard may be a tremendous step of faith, not a crisis. Seeing clearly that one's own efforts in prayer or morality do not pay off with outcomes, and seeing one's own theological limitations can free a person to receive God on God's own terms. Free of expectation and manipulation, the person can live with God in simplicity, come what may.
Friday, May 21, 2004
Sometimes You Cause Your Own Problems
I considered all of your suggestions about grading, and talked some of them over with colleagues in the faculty lounge over lunch, and with James. Part of the mind/body program is to articulate one's feelings, so I meditated upon my feelings about grading. I feel a strong pressure to do all my grading before commencement, and to write extensive comments to each student about their papers. I feel that students want me to do this, and my stress is good because I'm sacrificing my own peace of mind for the good of my beloved students.
I articulated these things to my colleagues (old-timers), and they nearly laughed at me! As it turns out, students don't necessarily want or expect their papers back after spring semester. And commencement is a false deadline- we have another week to do grading (we get a memo to this effect, but I never read it). I should ask students to give me a self-addressed stamped envelope if they want papers back with feedback. I did so, and have only received four requests (of about 100 students). I asked one class about it, and most said they just want to know their grades - teacher feedback isn't what they most want to read during the summer. A few nerds (a kind term for the types like me, that will someday become professors) want extensive feedback.
So, this week I am grading more peacefully because I'm not writing extensive comments on most papers, and because I have the freedom to work into next week if I want to.
One old-timer said, "Jenell, is really this about you? Do you want to think of yourself as a professor who gives extensive feedback? Let that self-image go, and just do your best." If I weren't a gender-sensitive professional, I would have kissed him!
I was creating my own stress because of my own expectations, but was falsely attributing the stress to my external circumstances. I thought the situation couldn't be changed, but change was possible by changing my perception of the situation and by changing my behaviors.
This is one of the blessings of my boys. Their death was stressful, to be sure, but I do have choices (just not the ultimate choice - the choice to let them live). I can change my perception of the event - it wasn't just a tragedy, but a blessing. Their lives were a gift to me, and though brief, I enjoyed them at the time, and enjoy them still in memory. They live still in memory and in legacy, and my life and marriage would be less if I hadn't known them.
From dead children to grading, I see that I frequently create my own stress. Note to self: change your mind, and change your life!
P.S. I lifted weights and did yoga yesterday and it was great.
P.S.S. Do you like sex and sweets? The scantily-clad Timberwolves cheerleaders are handing out donuts downtown this morning.
I considered all of your suggestions about grading, and talked some of them over with colleagues in the faculty lounge over lunch, and with James. Part of the mind/body program is to articulate one's feelings, so I meditated upon my feelings about grading. I feel a strong pressure to do all my grading before commencement, and to write extensive comments to each student about their papers. I feel that students want me to do this, and my stress is good because I'm sacrificing my own peace of mind for the good of my beloved students.
I articulated these things to my colleagues (old-timers), and they nearly laughed at me! As it turns out, students don't necessarily want or expect their papers back after spring semester. And commencement is a false deadline- we have another week to do grading (we get a memo to this effect, but I never read it). I should ask students to give me a self-addressed stamped envelope if they want papers back with feedback. I did so, and have only received four requests (of about 100 students). I asked one class about it, and most said they just want to know their grades - teacher feedback isn't what they most want to read during the summer. A few nerds (a kind term for the types like me, that will someday become professors) want extensive feedback.
So, this week I am grading more peacefully because I'm not writing extensive comments on most papers, and because I have the freedom to work into next week if I want to.
One old-timer said, "Jenell, is really this about you? Do you want to think of yourself as a professor who gives extensive feedback? Let that self-image go, and just do your best." If I weren't a gender-sensitive professional, I would have kissed him!
I was creating my own stress because of my own expectations, but was falsely attributing the stress to my external circumstances. I thought the situation couldn't be changed, but change was possible by changing my perception of the situation and by changing my behaviors.
This is one of the blessings of my boys. Their death was stressful, to be sure, but I do have choices (just not the ultimate choice - the choice to let them live). I can change my perception of the event - it wasn't just a tragedy, but a blessing. Their lives were a gift to me, and though brief, I enjoyed them at the time, and enjoy them still in memory. They live still in memory and in legacy, and my life and marriage would be less if I hadn't known them.
From dead children to grading, I see that I frequently create my own stress. Note to self: change your mind, and change your life!
P.S. I lifted weights and did yoga yesterday and it was great.
P.S.S. Do you like sex and sweets? The scantily-clad Timberwolves cheerleaders are handing out donuts downtown this morning.
Thursday, May 20, 2004
We're moving!
Grading: 700 pages down, 600 to go.
James and I are buying a house today. It's a post-war 1.5 story in Mounds View (near County Rd I and State 10). The house is in a quiet neighborhood, and it has a deep yard with big trees and a deck. I've lived in inner cities for 13 years (my entire adult life), and this new house feels unbelievable. I didn't think I would ever live in a place free of urban social dysfunction -- oops, I mean "ministry opportunities." I thought all my peace and healing would come from within, not from my external environment. (A few people from Bethel seemed to think that this part of Mounds View has plenty of urban ministry opportunities, which just goes to show that 'ghetto' is a relative term).
Apparently when your children die, however, everything changes. I feel released from the call to live in the city, and feel free to live anywhere. This new house feels like a place where I can sit still and heal, and my house and environment will help. And none of my family members died in the house, which is a big plus. And it is close to work, which simplifies life tremendously.
And we're selling our house to some fabulous people - part of their fabulousness is that they read this blog!
Grading so much, seniors graduating, and buying a house is alot to do in one week. I am going to try to find time today to work out or go for a walk, even if such a thing would reduce my blogging time - sorry!
Grading: 700 pages down, 600 to go.
James and I are buying a house today. It's a post-war 1.5 story in Mounds View (near County Rd I and State 10). The house is in a quiet neighborhood, and it has a deep yard with big trees and a deck. I've lived in inner cities for 13 years (my entire adult life), and this new house feels unbelievable. I didn't think I would ever live in a place free of urban social dysfunction -- oops, I mean "ministry opportunities." I thought all my peace and healing would come from within, not from my external environment. (A few people from Bethel seemed to think that this part of Mounds View has plenty of urban ministry opportunities, which just goes to show that 'ghetto' is a relative term).
Apparently when your children die, however, everything changes. I feel released from the call to live in the city, and feel free to live anywhere. This new house feels like a place where I can sit still and heal, and my house and environment will help. And none of my family members died in the house, which is a big plus. And it is close to work, which simplifies life tremendously.
And we're selling our house to some fabulous people - part of their fabulousness is that they read this blog!
Grading so much, seniors graduating, and buying a house is alot to do in one week. I am going to try to find time today to work out or go for a walk, even if such a thing would reduce my blogging time - sorry!
Monday, May 17, 2004
Papers to Grade
400 pages of senior research paper drafts: done
300 pages of race and ethnic relations papers: not started
800 pages of independent research: not started
35 pages of race and ethnic relations exams: not started
Isn't there an easier way? Can you suggest a way of grading that allows me to avoid actually reading these papers?
My brainstorming so far:
Give everyone "A"s: insulting to the truly deserving
Assume final grades based on earlier grades: surprisingly accurate
Ask my mother to grade them: I know she would if I asked her
Throw them down the stairs and assign descending grades to them in order of landing: intriguing possibility
400 pages of senior research paper drafts: done
300 pages of race and ethnic relations papers: not started
800 pages of independent research: not started
35 pages of race and ethnic relations exams: not started
Isn't there an easier way? Can you suggest a way of grading that allows me to avoid actually reading these papers?
My brainstorming so far:
Give everyone "A"s: insulting to the truly deserving
Assume final grades based on earlier grades: surprisingly accurate
Ask my mother to grade them: I know she would if I asked her
Throw them down the stairs and assign descending grades to them in order of landing: intriguing possibility
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
Stump Tom!
My friend Tom is a big Jeopardy! winner, and wrote a great article about the experience. He's super-smart, but not smart enough to know where my phone is. It reappeared without explanation. "Don't ask, don't tell" seems to help our marriage much of the time, so I applied it to the situation.
Tom recently taped the Tournament of Champions for Jeopardy! (he's the biggest winner of all time on Jeopardy!?) and says he correctly answered "#1 Ladies Detective Agency." Here are some more questions for Tom.
Please add more Jeopardy! answers to comments section, and let's see if Tom appears on the blog to provide questions.
Topic: Christian history. Answer: wrote "In Praise of Folly" as a criticism against the Catholic church.
Topic: Radio. Answer: Tom's favorite Minnesota-based radio show.
Topic: Biochemistry. Answer: Part of cell's surface that receives neuropeptides.
Topic: pet names. Answer: Jenell's demented cat.
Topic: Double names. Answer: Aunt of former ER star and common herb.
Topic: TV shows disliked by Tom. Answer: Outcome of Rachel and Ross' relationship.
Good luck!
My friend Tom is a big Jeopardy! winner, and wrote a great article about the experience. He's super-smart, but not smart enough to know where my phone is. It reappeared without explanation. "Don't ask, don't tell" seems to help our marriage much of the time, so I applied it to the situation.
Tom recently taped the Tournament of Champions for Jeopardy! (he's the biggest winner of all time on Jeopardy!?) and says he correctly answered "#1 Ladies Detective Agency." Here are some more questions for Tom.
Please add more Jeopardy! answers to comments section, and let's see if Tom appears on the blog to provide questions.
Topic: Christian history. Answer: wrote "In Praise of Folly" as a criticism against the Catholic church.
Topic: Radio. Answer: Tom's favorite Minnesota-based radio show.
Topic: Biochemistry. Answer: Part of cell's surface that receives neuropeptides.
Topic: pet names. Answer: Jenell's demented cat.
Topic: Double names. Answer: Aunt of former ER star and common herb.
Topic: TV shows disliked by Tom. Answer: Outcome of Rachel and Ross' relationship.
Good luck!
1 Comments:
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Tuesday, May 11, 2004
Me and the Abortion Clinic
Robbinsdale is the center of the universe for the maternal side of my family. They've lived in this small suburb since the 1950s, and my aunt still lives in what had been her parents' house. Robbinsdale (one suburb north of my urban neighborhood) is also home to one of Minnesota's few OB/GYN clinics that also does abortions.
Three years ago I naively looked through my insurance information for a new GYN. I made an appointment and drove to the address, and had an immediate fight-or-flight adrenaline response when I realized it was The Abortion Clinic. I went for my appt anyway, but my inner child was afraid that lightning would strike me becuase this could be the day that God's wrath would be unleashed, and He might forget that I was in there doing something other than getting an abortion. I told the doctor I was having a hard time getting pregnant, and she smiled and said, "I'm sure you'll be fine. Most of my patients have the opposite problem." She also asked me, in the middle of the exam, whether or not I felt abortion should be legal.
I drove by the clinic last weekend and saw the regular protesters there on Saturday. One sign said, "Need help with an unwanted pregnancy? Call xxx-xxxx." That seemed fine to me. Another man, however, covers his vehicle with 10-foot high photographs of mutilated fetuses (third-trimester abortions). The images are of torn and bloody body parts, including faces and heads. Now I can't get them out of my mind and they are very disturbing (the fetuses are about the same age as my babies). I thought maybe if I write it out, my mind will let it go.
Why are these images allowed to be displayed in public? I don't think a person could display sexual images, or a dead child, or the bloody body part of an adult in public. Why a fetus? I think it's obscene and offensive and should be censored. I also think the abortion clinic is not necessarily the place for abortion protest - try the state capitol or a courthouse or something where policy decisions are made. I think we should fight politically in the policy arena, and treat people pastorally in the personal arena. Women are going to the clinic to care for their health in the best way they know how, and it's not right to make it more difficult for them. It's just cruel and hateful and horrible, and I'm sad for the women, including myself, who have to receive the public outpouring of these protestors' inner anger.
I'm not expressing a political opinion about abortion here, but my view on the sad state of public discourse in our country.
Robbinsdale is the center of the universe for the maternal side of my family. They've lived in this small suburb since the 1950s, and my aunt still lives in what had been her parents' house. Robbinsdale (one suburb north of my urban neighborhood) is also home to one of Minnesota's few OB/GYN clinics that also does abortions.
Three years ago I naively looked through my insurance information for a new GYN. I made an appointment and drove to the address, and had an immediate fight-or-flight adrenaline response when I realized it was The Abortion Clinic. I went for my appt anyway, but my inner child was afraid that lightning would strike me becuase this could be the day that God's wrath would be unleashed, and He might forget that I was in there doing something other than getting an abortion. I told the doctor I was having a hard time getting pregnant, and she smiled and said, "I'm sure you'll be fine. Most of my patients have the opposite problem." She also asked me, in the middle of the exam, whether or not I felt abortion should be legal.
I drove by the clinic last weekend and saw the regular protesters there on Saturday. One sign said, "Need help with an unwanted pregnancy? Call xxx-xxxx." That seemed fine to me. Another man, however, covers his vehicle with 10-foot high photographs of mutilated fetuses (third-trimester abortions). The images are of torn and bloody body parts, including faces and heads. Now I can't get them out of my mind and they are very disturbing (the fetuses are about the same age as my babies). I thought maybe if I write it out, my mind will let it go.
Why are these images allowed to be displayed in public? I don't think a person could display sexual images, or a dead child, or the bloody body part of an adult in public. Why a fetus? I think it's obscene and offensive and should be censored. I also think the abortion clinic is not necessarily the place for abortion protest - try the state capitol or a courthouse or something where policy decisions are made. I think we should fight politically in the policy arena, and treat people pastorally in the personal arena. Women are going to the clinic to care for their health in the best way they know how, and it's not right to make it more difficult for them. It's just cruel and hateful and horrible, and I'm sad for the women, including myself, who have to receive the public outpouring of these protestors' inner anger.
I'm not expressing a political opinion about abortion here, but my view on the sad state of public discourse in our country.
2 Comments:
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Monday, May 10, 2004
Good Books
I've got a whole stash of new books, and only about 12 hours left to read them. I get 35 student papers tonight to grade, and more and more as the week progresses...no more recreational reading for a few weeks.
Sing Me to Heaven. Margaret Kim's story about her marriage to a man dying of AIDS (married him when he was HIV-positive, he died within 4-5 years). It's about what marriage is, how theirs developed, his liminal identity between homosexuality and heterosexuality, and their experience of God and faith through it all. I LOVE THIS BOOK!
#1 Ladies' Detective Agency. A simple novel about a clever women who starts a detective agency in Botswana. Simple and fun.
Scholarship and Christian Faith: Enlarging the Conversation. The heavens parted, and descending from the clouds was this book, given to me. When I read this book, my heart beats faster, my blood pressure probably raises, and I feel so excited and free. It's a challenge to the Christian Reformed domination of Christian scholarship, offering numerous models for how to be Christian and an academic. I plan to start stalking the authors soon, but I need to get this crazy talk out of my system first.
Question for you today: I haven't seen our phone for four days. I have to use one that is very static-y. What do you think James did with the phone?
I've got a whole stash of new books, and only about 12 hours left to read them. I get 35 student papers tonight to grade, and more and more as the week progresses...no more recreational reading for a few weeks.
Sing Me to Heaven. Margaret Kim's story about her marriage to a man dying of AIDS (married him when he was HIV-positive, he died within 4-5 years). It's about what marriage is, how theirs developed, his liminal identity between homosexuality and heterosexuality, and their experience of God and faith through it all. I LOVE THIS BOOK!
#1 Ladies' Detective Agency. A simple novel about a clever women who starts a detective agency in Botswana. Simple and fun.
Scholarship and Christian Faith: Enlarging the Conversation. The heavens parted, and descending from the clouds was this book, given to me. When I read this book, my heart beats faster, my blood pressure probably raises, and I feel so excited and free. It's a challenge to the Christian Reformed domination of Christian scholarship, offering numerous models for how to be Christian and an academic. I plan to start stalking the authors soon, but I need to get this crazy talk out of my system first.
Question for you today: I haven't seen our phone for four days. I have to use one that is very static-y. What do you think James did with the phone?
Friday, May 07, 2004
Two Gifts for You
I wrote an article for people at Solomon's Porch - I'm going to bring some copies on Sunday if anyone wants one. It's called "When Mother's Day is Hard." It makes me happy to see it, to think that my boys lives still matter, and can still be a source of blessing.
The second gift is a microwave from 1990. It is small, and has the old dial-type mechanism. It works, tho, and I need to get rid of it. Does anyone want it? If you're in the Twin Cities, you can have it for free. If I have to ship it, it might cost you $20. I'd have to recommend going to your local thrift store and picking one up for $2. If no one wants it, off to the thrift store it goes.
I wrote an article for people at Solomon's Porch - I'm going to bring some copies on Sunday if anyone wants one. It's called "When Mother's Day is Hard." It makes me happy to see it, to think that my boys lives still matter, and can still be a source of blessing.
The second gift is a microwave from 1990. It is small, and has the old dial-type mechanism. It works, tho, and I need to get rid of it. Does anyone want it? If you're in the Twin Cities, you can have it for free. If I have to ship it, it might cost you $20. I'd have to recommend going to your local thrift store and picking one up for $2. If no one wants it, off to the thrift store it goes.
Thursday, May 06, 2004
Theology in the Making!
Here's postmodern theology in action. It's not "anything goes", and "whatever's true for you is true for you", but rather thoughts about God generated at the local level, discussed and modified in community with saints of today, other cultures, and the past.
I made statements about God based on my experience and my own hurt feelings - God won't help me buy a house because he doesn't seem to help orchestrate life events. He didn't help when I most needed it, so why would he help with a lesser issue? This is a legitimate theological statement, but it is obviously influenced heavily by my life experience and by my mood that day. (But, keep in mind that I did use "I" statements and tried to speak with humility...I've been in therapy long enough to know you only speak for yourself!)
Shelley and another church member (do you want to identify yourself?) wrote a comment and a personal e-mail about how God seemingly helped them find housing that had important implications for their lives. They both said they don't know why God didn't save my babies, but that He does sometimes seem to care and intervene in helping people get housing that will bless their lives and the lives of others. They also suggested that housing is not on the same level as paint color or capris. Then, I read some Frederick Buechner (Presbyterian) and Thomas Merton (Catholic) that I'll toss in as well.
So, in light of the saints speaking into my life, I'd like to modify my theology.
- God may or may not help James and I find a house, but I shouldn't preclude the possibility just because he was seemingly inactive before. God may very well care more about my housing that I do.
- God sometimes intervenes to help when such help would bless a person's life. Then he doesn't intervene other times, even when the help is obviously needed. Buechner says if Christians won't admit that God sometimes doesn't help in the way and the time he is needed, then people will go elsewhere to talk with people who are willing to look at reality as it is.
- A favorite quote from Merton. "Whoever seeks to catch Him and hold Him loses Him. He is like the wind that blows where it pleases. You who love Him must love Him as arriving from where you do not know and as going where you do not know."
- If people really love you, they'll let you be sarcastic sometimes because they understand where it's coming from.
Here's postmodern theology in action. It's not "anything goes", and "whatever's true for you is true for you", but rather thoughts about God generated at the local level, discussed and modified in community with saints of today, other cultures, and the past.
I made statements about God based on my experience and my own hurt feelings - God won't help me buy a house because he doesn't seem to help orchestrate life events. He didn't help when I most needed it, so why would he help with a lesser issue? This is a legitimate theological statement, but it is obviously influenced heavily by my life experience and by my mood that day. (But, keep in mind that I did use "I" statements and tried to speak with humility...I've been in therapy long enough to know you only speak for yourself!)
Shelley and another church member (do you want to identify yourself?) wrote a comment and a personal e-mail about how God seemingly helped them find housing that had important implications for their lives. They both said they don't know why God didn't save my babies, but that He does sometimes seem to care and intervene in helping people get housing that will bless their lives and the lives of others. They also suggested that housing is not on the same level as paint color or capris. Then, I read some Frederick Buechner (Presbyterian) and Thomas Merton (Catholic) that I'll toss in as well.
So, in light of the saints speaking into my life, I'd like to modify my theology.
- God may or may not help James and I find a house, but I shouldn't preclude the possibility just because he was seemingly inactive before. God may very well care more about my housing that I do.
- God sometimes intervenes to help when such help would bless a person's life. Then he doesn't intervene other times, even when the help is obviously needed. Buechner says if Christians won't admit that God sometimes doesn't help in the way and the time he is needed, then people will go elsewhere to talk with people who are willing to look at reality as it is.
- A favorite quote from Merton. "Whoever seeks to catch Him and hold Him loses Him. He is like the wind that blows where it pleases. You who love Him must love Him as arriving from where you do not know and as going where you do not know."
- If people really love you, they'll let you be sarcastic sometimes because they understand where it's coming from.
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
A Song
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday, dear Jimmy,
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday, dear Jimmy,
Happy birthday to you!
It's False Teacher Tuesday (check out Todd Friel on AM 980 3-6 pm).
Holocaust speaker Henry Ohrlelt: fabulous.
Purchased with my $40: magenta mums to plant in my yard and chocolate-covered blueberries. Total cost: $10 (I’m too cheap to really spend extra money – I hoard it instead).
Question of the day: Will God Help Me Buy A House?
James and I are moving. Several people have said to me that God will lead us to the right house. I don’t believe this. I think God gave us breath, air, sunshine, etc. – all the things we need to do a house-search, but I don’t think he will intervene supernaturally. If God were this kind of fairy godmother, then I’d prefer that my three wishes be otherwise used. On my three children, for example. It’s an insult to think that God didn’t help preserve tender human life or two parents’ hearts, but He is close at hand to help us buy a house.
I know the question is probing the inscrutable ways of the Lord, and I know it is possible that He didn’t save my children, but He will help us buy a home. I accept whatever comes from His hand, but I’m not very quick to say I know what that is. Of course, we could also believe that the babies’ death was a gift from Him, and so will be the house He will give us, but that just doesn’t make sense, no matter how spiritually mature you are. (If you want to explain to me why that does make sense, please restrain yourself and just don’t.)
I’m not so much asking a personal question as just pointing out the oddness of evangelicals’ tendency to claim supernatural intervention for trivial issues like house-buying, parking spaces, clothing choices, paint colors, etc. Maybe this is why we avoid people who are suffering – our theology just doesn’t make sense. The conundrum is that while God seemingly led me to Restoration Hardware to find the perfect mellow cream paint for my living room, He also seemingly looked the other way while your whole life fell apart.
I am open, however, to God’s surprises. If you should look up into the night sky and see a guiding star, much like the wise men followed to Bethlehem, give me a call. James and I, in our green Subaru, will follow that star up 94E to 694E, and find the star hovering above a lovely home in Fridley or Columbia Heights. And we will know this is to be our dwelling.
Penultimate question of the day: Do believers deserve blessings when they indulge in sarcasm?
Holocaust speaker Henry Ohrlelt: fabulous.
Purchased with my $40: magenta mums to plant in my yard and chocolate-covered blueberries. Total cost: $10 (I’m too cheap to really spend extra money – I hoard it instead).
Question of the day: Will God Help Me Buy A House?
James and I are moving. Several people have said to me that God will lead us to the right house. I don’t believe this. I think God gave us breath, air, sunshine, etc. – all the things we need to do a house-search, but I don’t think he will intervene supernaturally. If God were this kind of fairy godmother, then I’d prefer that my three wishes be otherwise used. On my three children, for example. It’s an insult to think that God didn’t help preserve tender human life or two parents’ hearts, but He is close at hand to help us buy a house.
I know the question is probing the inscrutable ways of the Lord, and I know it is possible that He didn’t save my children, but He will help us buy a home. I accept whatever comes from His hand, but I’m not very quick to say I know what that is. Of course, we could also believe that the babies’ death was a gift from Him, and so will be the house He will give us, but that just doesn’t make sense, no matter how spiritually mature you are. (If you want to explain to me why that does make sense, please restrain yourself and just don’t.)
I’m not so much asking a personal question as just pointing out the oddness of evangelicals’ tendency to claim supernatural intervention for trivial issues like house-buying, parking spaces, clothing choices, paint colors, etc. Maybe this is why we avoid people who are suffering – our theology just doesn’t make sense. The conundrum is that while God seemingly led me to Restoration Hardware to find the perfect mellow cream paint for my living room, He also seemingly looked the other way while your whole life fell apart.
I am open, however, to God’s surprises. If you should look up into the night sky and see a guiding star, much like the wise men followed to Bethlehem, give me a call. James and I, in our green Subaru, will follow that star up 94E to 694E, and find the star hovering above a lovely home in Fridley or Columbia Heights. And we will know this is to be our dwelling.
Penultimate question of the day: Do believers deserve blessings when they indulge in sarcasm?
Monday, May 03, 2004
Lurking and stalking
Do any of you know someone expecting triplets (or recently had triplets)? I have a stack of triplet magazines and articles and a book, and I want to pass them on to someone. (I also want to see how powerful these blog networks are- if you ask for something rather obscure, can it be found?)
I would also like to issue a challenge today. Would the lurkers and stalkers please say 'hello'? That means people like Tom Johnson and Kristin Vogel, readers who never will say hello. Just "hi" - that's enough. My students know me to be a stalker of authors - if I like someone, I read all their stuff, google them, write to them, call them, and on rare occasions, go to visit them. Sometimes it pays off (I found my grad school advisor this way), and sometimes it's just amusing.
Not much else to say today. I'm taking my students tonight to listen to a Holocaust survivor speaking at Bethel. I'm excited about it.
Do any of you know someone expecting triplets (or recently had triplets)? I have a stack of triplet magazines and articles and a book, and I want to pass them on to someone. (I also want to see how powerful these blog networks are- if you ask for something rather obscure, can it be found?)
I would also like to issue a challenge today. Would the lurkers and stalkers please say 'hello'? That means people like Tom Johnson and Kristin Vogel, readers who never will say hello. Just "hi" - that's enough. My students know me to be a stalker of authors - if I like someone, I read all their stuff, google them, write to them, call them, and on rare occasions, go to visit them. Sometimes it pays off (I found my grad school advisor this way), and sometimes it's just amusing.
Not much else to say today. I'm taking my students tonight to listen to a Holocaust survivor speaking at Bethel. I'm excited about it.
Friday, April 30, 2004
The Book of Scooter and Opal
And the Lord spake unto me and said thus, “Jenell, speak my words unto the animals. Yea, even unto the housecats.” I said, “Lord, but I am just a woman. And they are just cats. How can I do such a thing?” The Lord lift up a portion of burning hot cat food and touched it to my lips. Then I was silent, and knew that I was a prophet of the Lord.
Thus saith the Lord:
Scooter and Opal, my eyes are upon you. You are faithless beasts, but I am a merciful God and will allow you three, nay two, nay only one chance to repent.
You have heard what I spoke unto the first century Jews. I told them that they should live like the birds, who do not sow or reap or store away. They should be like the lilies, who do not labor or spin. Because I am trustworthy, the birds are fed and the lilies are clothed. I will do this much for humans as well, so why will you not trust me?
You over-groom and chew out your fur in symmetrical patterns. You worry about precisely that which I said not to worry: what you will eat, whether or not you will be warm, whether or not there is a spot to sleep, whether or not your companion human will return from work. The pagans run after these things, but your heavenly Father knows that you need them.
Some cats are faithful, living in peace and trust for the future. But you, Scooter and Opal, are pagans, living like worldly cats, entirely without faith in your Maker. This is why Jesus spoke of the birds and the lilies, but not of the housecats.
Today is the day of repentance! The Day is approaching when repentance will be no more, and I will gather my faithful into my arms, and send the faithless out into the alleys where there is no Iams, no blankets, no radiators, and the heartworm dieth not. Stop your fur-chewing today, while you still have a chance!
Then the Lord’s words ended. I, Jenell, thought I might be a prophet of justice for the poor, or the weak, or the vulnerable in this world. The Lord has instead used his humble servant to speak to the cats. Thus saith the Lord. Amen. May it be so.
And the Lord spake unto me and said thus, “Jenell, speak my words unto the animals. Yea, even unto the housecats.” I said, “Lord, but I am just a woman. And they are just cats. How can I do such a thing?” The Lord lift up a portion of burning hot cat food and touched it to my lips. Then I was silent, and knew that I was a prophet of the Lord.
Thus saith the Lord:
Scooter and Opal, my eyes are upon you. You are faithless beasts, but I am a merciful God and will allow you three, nay two, nay only one chance to repent.
You have heard what I spoke unto the first century Jews. I told them that they should live like the birds, who do not sow or reap or store away. They should be like the lilies, who do not labor or spin. Because I am trustworthy, the birds are fed and the lilies are clothed. I will do this much for humans as well, so why will you not trust me?
You over-groom and chew out your fur in symmetrical patterns. You worry about precisely that which I said not to worry: what you will eat, whether or not you will be warm, whether or not there is a spot to sleep, whether or not your companion human will return from work. The pagans run after these things, but your heavenly Father knows that you need them.
Some cats are faithful, living in peace and trust for the future. But you, Scooter and Opal, are pagans, living like worldly cats, entirely without faith in your Maker. This is why Jesus spoke of the birds and the lilies, but not of the housecats.
Today is the day of repentance! The Day is approaching when repentance will be no more, and I will gather my faithful into my arms, and send the faithless out into the alleys where there is no Iams, no blankets, no radiators, and the heartworm dieth not. Stop your fur-chewing today, while you still have a chance!
Then the Lord’s words ended. I, Jenell, thought I might be a prophet of justice for the poor, or the weak, or the vulnerable in this world. The Lord has instead used his humble servant to speak to the cats. Thus saith the Lord. Amen. May it be so.
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
Newness
New blog: Kate Nordbye, a wonderfully whole woman with a strong sense of her own complexity.
New book: Molecules of Emotion (very hard for a non-natural-scientist to read, but very interesting)
New candy: Coffee Crisps from Canada, purchased last weekend. Don't ask for any. Though it is a sin, I'm hiding them.
New mind/body approach: At last night's class we learned "minis". A mini-relaxation is about 2-5 minutes of breathing. Try breathing in and out, with each breath getting a count - count 10 back to 1. Or breath in and out, pausing for a few seconds between breaths. Focus on your breath, and when your mind produces thoughts, just come back to the breath. "It is the nature of the mind to wander." Don't judge the experience, just do it.
New problem with Opal. She's upset with us for having traveled, and she chewed two bald spots in symmetrical pattern on her back. Who needs mind/body help more - me or Opal?
New money. I received a $40 rebate check for the money I spent fixing my computer during spring break.
Question for you: What should I do with $40?
New blog: Kate Nordbye, a wonderfully whole woman with a strong sense of her own complexity.
New book: Molecules of Emotion (very hard for a non-natural-scientist to read, but very interesting)
New candy: Coffee Crisps from Canada, purchased last weekend. Don't ask for any. Though it is a sin, I'm hiding them.
New mind/body approach: At last night's class we learned "minis". A mini-relaxation is about 2-5 minutes of breathing. Try breathing in and out, with each breath getting a count - count 10 back to 1. Or breath in and out, pausing for a few seconds between breaths. Focus on your breath, and when your mind produces thoughts, just come back to the breath. "It is the nature of the mind to wander." Don't judge the experience, just do it.
New problem with Opal. She's upset with us for having traveled, and she chewed two bald spots in symmetrical pattern on her back. Who needs mind/body help more - me or Opal?
New money. I received a $40 rebate check for the money I spent fixing my computer during spring break.
Question for you: What should I do with $40?
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