Wednesday, July 28, 2004

My Thoughts are Fascinating

I'm so energized by writing my paper about the integration of faith and learning in anthropology.  I plan to seek critique from some Christian anthro friends, and then publish it.  Of course, if I do seek critique, then when it's published, there won't be any Christian anthropologists left to read it (there are precious few of us)!  But it's expressive and enjoyable to write, and it feels good enough just to create it.  I didn't do my homework for my essay writing class tonight, because I've been doing academic writing.  I'm pretty sure, however, that they don't give grades at the essay writing seminar, so it shouldn't affect my G.P.A.

I would tell you more about 19th century anthropology, or missiology, or the origins of pietism, but it might just be so fascinating it would render you ineffective for the rest of the day.  Let's write a limerick instead.  Here's the first line.

There once was a Christian named Larry ...

You're next!

 

// posted by Jenell Williams Paris @ 8:23 AM 8 comments

8 Comments:

  • Whose back was really quite hairy

    By Blogger Jimmy, at 9:43 AM  

  • He went to the pool

    By Blogger pete, at 9:55 AM  

  • which caused him to drool
    Anj

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:02 AM  

  • And his TestaMint wasn't quite dissolved yet

    By Blogger Brian, at 1:55 PM  

  • There once was a Christian named Larry
    who back was really quite hairy
    He went to the pool
    which caused him to drool
    at the women he neither wanted to court nor marry.

    He was now a man at a loss for words
    But wanted to do all the dirty things he had heard
    So at the pool, he turned his back
    And purposefully dropped a few tracts
    Then raced home to cleanse himself in the Word.

    (I'm going to hell.)

    By Blogger kp, at 3:17 PM  

  • Okay - I come back to this post because I love the title - Your thoughts are truly fascinating! Now, I love the limerick. Anj

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:43 AM  

  • Jenell,

    Speaking of Christians and anthro, have you read any of Susan F. Harding's (Anthro - UC Santa Cruz) anthro work? Fantastic stuff. Her anthro "subject" is American "fundamentalism". Participant observation at Thomas Road Baptist Church in Lynchburg, VA, her most recent book is entitled The Book of Jerry Falwell. I was a TA for her back in '91 -- she has a very engaging style.

    Best,

    Brian Auten
    bauten@csusb.edu

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:08 AM  

  • Come Visit Santa at his blog and tell him what you want for Christmas,

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Monday, July 26, 2004

If you don't do daily devotions, you're going to hell

     I spent Saturday morning at my friend's mom's funeral in Iowa and Saturday night at Laura and Dustin's wedding.  I gave myself over to strong emotion in both situations, and it made me tired.  I woke up Sunday morning preparing to go to a friend's house to feed her.  She's a few weeks further along in her high-risk multiple pregnancy than I was when my babies were born, and she's on total bed rest and needs people to come sit with her and feed her.  I felt like it might be hard for me, and indeed it was.
      I meditated before going over to her house, to center myself and prepare for the day.  I focused on accessing the now.  What are my surroundings right now?  How does my body feel?  What is my breath like?  After figuring out what my "now" was like, I breathed and experienced the now for a few minutes. 
      The now is always OK.  I always have breath, and I can return to the experience of my body - my embodied life - at any time.  I was worried that being around my pregnant friend would make me live in the past, and be sad about what happened in the past.  I was worried I would live in the future, being anxious about what I won't have in the days and year ahead.  When I don't meditate, I experience much more sadness (past) and anxiety (future), and forget to live in the present.
      Last winter and spring, when every day was so difficult, I worked my mind/body program like an addict.  I meditated, listened to tapes, wrote, and exercised like a fiend.  But now I feel better sometimes, and I want the ease of a relaxed life.  I don't want regimented spiritual exercises - I want to wake up, feel OK about the day, walk around the yard and greet my plants, and just live.  I know I would experience more peace, more relaxation, and more presence if I would meditate and pray and read Scripture regularly, but I don't.  I'm satisfied with a little bit of peace, and I'm not striving for more.  It has been such hard work to stay alive, and I am enjoying a respite.
     Yesterday's meditation brought such good results, however, that I'm feeling a little hungry for the deeper spiritual life.  I suppose each of us have favorite spiritual practices that bring good inner results.  I wonder whether I'm typical in pursuing spiritual practices with more intensity when life is more difficult.  I'm always open to receiving and noticing God in my daily life, but sometimes I run around with binoculars, searching out God in the distance and magnifying his presence with my efforts.  And sometimes I don't - I just live in God's beautiful world in a relaxed way and receive his gifts as they come.  As far as I can tell, God seems to be OK with this, and so am I.
       If you'd like to comment, tell me about your favored spiritual practice at the moment, and how regular you are with your use of it.

 
P.S.  Thom went to the Saturday writing class for me, and I learned lots vicariously.
P.S.S.  Colleen revealed to me that IKEA does have tongs for non-stick pans.  It looks like a tweezer that a giant might use on his eyebrows.


// posted by Jenell Williams Paris @ 9:12 AM 3 comments

3 Comments:

  • I'm inspired to write about how I do/don't experience God. The danger being, of course, that I'll do it later and assume I'll still be moved. But for starters, the flowers bring me to a good place. Thanks for moving me to a place I rarely want to go.

    By Blogger Jimmy, at 12:34 PM  

  • These days I mostly experience God in nature, which doesn't surprise me; it's what first showed me there was a god. I notice things around me as I walk to & from my car, admire the flowers in my garden, marvel at sunsets, rejoice in cooler sunny days. -Rachel

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:17 PM  

  • I'm into centering prayer these days, since I seem to have run out of things to say to God. As for how regular I am - not very - it depends on what week it is. I used to be rigidly disciplined about the whole "Quiet Time" thing, but at one point, I was such a mess I couldn't keep up the pretense. Now, I figure that the fundamentalists of my youth would think I'm headed straight to hell for so many different reasons, what's one more? so I don't worry about my lack of discipline too much.
    Christy

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:18 PM  

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Thursday, July 22, 2004

Free writing seminar?

I am registered for a workshop on Inspirational Writing at the Loft Literary Center (downtown near the dome).  Unfortunately I have to attend a funeral instead.  The workshop is this Saturday morning from 9-12.  Is anyone interested in going?  If so, I could get notes from you, and you could learn some good stuff.  If not, I'll just get a refund.  

Here's the description:
Inspirational Writing TodayA108 with Linda AndersonAre you a writer who could comfort and inspire others? This workshop will explore possibilities for writing and publishing self-help, spiritual, meditation, and personal story books and articles. You’ll learn the forms, elements, and current markets for inspirational writing. You’ll get tips, writing exercises, and practical information to help you tap into your key life experiences and give service to others who are going through the same things you did. We’ll also talk about a system to help you frame chapters in a book-length work or to organize an article. You may also schedule a 20-minute afternoon individual consultation with the instructor as noted below.

// posted by Jenell Williams Paris @ 4:20 PM 1 comments

1 Comments:

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What an essay isn't
 
I learned last night in my Essay Writing class that what I wrote wasn't an essay.  An essay should use personal narrative and detail to make a universal point.  I think my thing was just a vignette.  But it made a few people cry, so I guess it still served some purpose!

Does anyone know whether or not IKEA (or anyone else) sells tongs for nonstick surfaces?  My tongs are metal, and I'm going to wreck my nonstick pan using them.

I also wanted to let you know that I made the chicken salad with rosemary and cinnamon (thanks, KP), and it was lovely.

 
 

// posted by Jenell Williams Paris @ 10:23 AM 0 comments

0 Comments:

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Wednesday, July 21, 2004

First, second, and third

First of all, I apologize for the lack of clarity on the spongepainting issue.  My garage is not spongepainted with hanging vines.  There is such a garage in my neighborhood, however.  Sorry about that.

Second, I found all your comments (in haloscan).  I can't get them back into this blog, but at least I have them all saved.

Third, here's my creative writing piece.  If you read it, it must be because you don't have anything else to do.  Whatever.  And if you think I dwell on death alot, you'd be right.  So be it.

 
My Smelly Boyfriend
 
        My boyfriend smelled like a man.  Seventeen years old, he wore Grey Flannel, a cologne marketed toward seasoned men of esteem.  He was, in fact, a man of a boy.  He was smart and responsible, and he owned professional clothes.  He also smelled of Indian spices.  Mixed with the American cologne, the smell sort of made sense, but sort of didn’t, just like his Indian-American identity.  A few weeks after he died, I went to Dayton’s and walked the cologne aisles looking for him.  When I sprayed Grey Flannel on my wrist, I inhaled the memory of him.
        He died smelling of car exhaust, which still pisses me off.  It’s not how I would prefer to remember him.  I remember him tipping his head back and drinking an entire glass of water without gulping, something he said all his Indian friends could do.  I remember him being kind to his mother, who wore decadent saris even around the house.  I remember him telling me he loved me. 
        He said he wanted to be with me always, but his parents forbade him from dating or marrying a white woman.  To me, high school boyfriends were for kissing, not for marrying, but Lakshu saw things differently.  So did his parents, obviously.  He said, “It’s so painful to love you so much.”  I think what he meant was that it was painful to live in two worlds, the white world of American high school, and the Indian world of home.  I think he also meant that he really loved me a lot. 
        Lakshu said he didn’t want an arranged marriage with a near-stranger from India, but he was confident that his older brother would say “no” to his own arrangement.  If Udaynath resisted, then Lakshu could follow suit.  During our summer of love, Lakshu’s brother accepted an arranged marriage, seemingly with gratitude and happiness.  Lakshu was devastated.  He had the strength to imitate his older brother in parental disobedience, but not the strength to initiate it himself.  In considering his future, he discovered other strengths he lacked, like the strength to keep living. 
        I recently went to the bank to set up a line of credit.  It was recent by calendar time, just a few days ago.  But it’s been 14 years since his suicide, 14 A.D.  The suit sitting behind the desk was named Ashman Miyan.  I wondered about his life.  I hoped his mother made him curry for dinner.  I hoped he was in love.  I leaned forward and hoped for the scent of curry and Grey Flannel.  I caught nothing but air, and remembered how much I still miss him. 
  
  
  
  


// posted by Jenell Williams Paris @ 4:07 PM 8 comments

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Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Voracious
 
I'm taking in so much information... learning about essay writing, reading The Bone Woman, reading about pruning, experimenting in my garden.  It's wonderful.
 
Has anyone read The Bone Woman?  Clea Koff is a forensic anthropologist who works in mass graves in Rwanda, Bosnia, Croatia, and Kosovo.  Amazing.  I'm planning to use it in Intro to Anthro.  It's scary and gory, but very human and important.
 
Also, I can't find my old comments from the previous blog.  A grad student (graduate from Wheaton) contacted me via comments, and now I can't reply.  If she still reads this blog, she should e-mail me again.
 
Are you learning today?  What's something you know today that you didn't know yesterday?  I know that the right and left calf bones of children are nearly indistinguishable - they distinguish themselves right/left more as adults.

// posted by Jenell Williams Paris @ 9:21 AM 28 comments

28 Comments:

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    I am also learning that my body does not metabolize fat as well as it did a decade ago. This is not exactly new news, but I learn it over and over again.

    By Blogger Hugo, at 12:41 PM  

  • Your comments were hosted with haloscan.com. I suspect you might be able to log in to your account with them & see a list of comments that way.

    They were in the format below, so depending on your browser history, you might be able to scroll through a list of comment pages that you visited.
    http://www.haloscan.com/comments/jenellparis/108963695784027256/

    Let me know if I can help you figure it out. - Rachel

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:47 PM  

  • i think that since you only recently changed your format, you ought to be able to do a google search for the comments. they would show up as cached by Google. usually Google updates about once a week, i think.

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Monday, July 19, 2004

A Blogger is Born
 
Has everyone seen Rachel Stratford's new blog?  (She's a small group friend who recently moved to Colorado).  It's kind of like she's still with us, but we just can't hear her loud laughter!
 
The comments section from last Friday revealed that IKEA is not the place to go if you want to enjoy children.   I babysat my nieces on Saturday afternoon, and Anna screamed so much that I got totally frustrated and then didn't go to Marlene's party.  I was disappointed, but trust me, I would have been even less the life of the party than usual.
 
Anna was born three weeks after my sons died, so she reminds me of the age they would be if they were living.  I have been observing the fullness of life in each living thing.  Each plant, each animal, and each person has the full force of life within them.  So much power within each small thing.  In every living thing, life struggles to survive, insists on being fed, and asserts its own self-expression.  I saw this in Anna and thought, "How could I have lost life, three times over?"  In their brief lives, each of my boys had that same life force, and they expressed themselves in movement and appearance as best they could.  The driving paradox of my life right now is that it is so abundant and so empty, so full of life and full of death, so joyous and so grievous.

// posted by Jenell Williams Paris @ 9:52 AM 2 comments

2 Comments:

  • Thanks for the adverstisement for my new blog site. I appreciate the free marketing! Though for different reasons, I totally resonate with the paradox of life at various stages of my existence. Following God often leaves me in a paradoxical puzzle--to find your life you must lose it, out of the violence and suffering of the cross comes redemption, the kingdom of heaven suffers much violence, etc (and no, this isn't related to my Flannery O'Connor treatise on violence!)...contemporary Christianity has really taken the "violence" out of faith. Picturing Jesus in white robes with a halo around his head is not the image I get from reading His stories. We have sanitized the paradox of Christianity to the point of making it so sterile that it is unrelatable. That's my soapbox for the day.

    I am sorry Anna didn't behave like a good little niece. Doesn't she realize how fantastic her Auntie Jenell is??

    By Blogger Rachie Rach and the Funky Bunch, at 11:01 AM  

  • Thanks, too, for posting Rachel's blog. She has been added to the Roster O'Love.

    What you said in your last few lines reminds me of how i have been thinking in the last year or so about BALANCE. i think there is constantly a weighing-out of life that goes on that we cannot see: there is more to yin and yang than we know. i certainly do not mean to diminish any grief to black-and-white paisleys, but when i am able to pay off school bc of deaths in my family, when i lose my job and have the time to write a book...etc etc, i have to wonder if the scales balance after all.

    By Blogger kp, at 11:29 AM  

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Friday, July 16, 2004

The Old Arm Wrestling Injury is Acting Up
 
I am not an athelete, and I'm OK with that.  But I did arm wrestle a boy when I was 14 (he was about 11), and permanently damaged my right wrist.  I've learned to appreciate its ability to cry out during times of stress - my body usually recognizes stress before my mind does.  But it also limits me.  Yesterday I removed all the wallpaper from the kitchen, and then trimmed a tree in my mom's yard with an extension saw.  Now I can hardly squeeze a tube of toothpaste or write with a pen.  Typing is OK for now, THANK GOD!, so I can still blog.  I'll be pecking these manifestos out with my nose before I give up blogging.
 
I am taking a 4-week essay writing class at The Loft, Mpls' creative writing center.  There are 17 people in the class, and almost all of them seem interesting.  We have homework, and critique each other's writing.  The homework this week is to write a 1000 word essay that involves smell.  I'm working on something about the blend of Grey Flannel cologne and curry spices, which is what my high school boyfriend smelled like.  Much of what I write is for publication, so it feels really good to just write stuff every week that is creative, and not intended for sale.
 
Right now I'm going to play with my niece Katherine.  She's at the stage of asking "Why" to questions that have no answers, like "Why do you eat like that?"  "Why did you put on that shoe first?"  "Why are your eyes brown?".  I take the questions seriously and really consider them, and it's pretty amusing.
 
Question for today:  Will you interact with children today?  And, if so, is it in a setting where they are enjoyable, or irritating?
 

// posted by Jenell Williams Paris @ 9:02 AM 4 comments

4 Comments:

  • I love your new format!

    It's Saturday, Jenell, and I am off to Santa Barbara with my gal to meet my newest cousin, who is not quite six months old... so it will be a very small child with whom I interact today!

    By Blogger Hugo, at 12:07 PM  

  • regarding the kid question, i would have to say extremely irritating.
    i was trying to shop in ikea with grace & madeleine (big mistake) & madeleine could not stop talking. (grace said she gets it from her mother) anyway, it was driving me crazy because i couldn't hear grace or concentrate & we finally just had to leave.
    in the car she cried & said, "i just thought it was gonna be" (looking for the word) "inclusion. that i was going to be included. and you just talked to grace the whole time. i couldn't talk to her AT ALL."
    oh well. it was a funny conversation but still ON MY NERVES. now, i've gone & written too much. sigh. i love the idea of pecking the keyboard with your nose if need be.
    jenlemen

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:21 PM  

  • Everyone has days when they are down, worn out, anxiety stress symptom and just not feeling all that happy.

    That's OK, you need to have days like this, otherwise how would you know when you are happy. You need to have something to contrast your happiness with. What is black without white?

    Even though you know that sadness (anxiety stress symptom) is a part of life, let's try to make it a small part of life.

    With that said, here are a few tips to help you feel better when you are feeling down in the dumps. They are easy to do, easy to practice every day and they work!

    1. Stand up straight, sit up straight. When your body is in alignment your energy can flow and when your energy is flowing freely, you can flow.

    2. Smile! Yes, just smile. Easy to do and effective.

    3. Repeat positive affirmations. Things like "I feel good", "Positive energy flows through my body", "I see the good in all".

    4. Listen to some music that you like. It doesn't have to be anything specific, just something you enjoy. Certain types of music work better than others, but experiment and see what works for you. Studies have shown that Classical music and new age music work best.

    5. Take some time out for yourself, relax and read a book, do something for yourself.

    6. Meditate. Meditation is an excellent habit to develop. It will serve you in all that you do. If you are one who has a hard time sitting still, then try some special meditation CDs that coax your brain into the meditative state. Just search for "Meditation music" on Google or Yahoo and explore.

    Our outside work is simply a reflection of our inside world. Remember there is no reality just your perception of it. Use this truth to your advantage. Whenever you are sad, realize that it is all in your mind and you do have the power to change your perception.

    These tips will lift you up when you are down, but don't just use them when you are sad or anxiety stress symptom . Try and practice them everyday, make them a habit. You will be surprised at how these simple exercises will keep the rainy days away.

    On a final note, if you are in a deep depression that you can't seem to shake, please go see a doctor. This is your life and don't take any chances. anxiety stress symptom

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:08 AM  

  • Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!

    I have a anxiety child in separation site/blog. It pretty much covers ##KEYWORD## related stuff.

    Come and check it out if you get time :-)

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:14 AM  

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Thursday, July 15, 2004

A Moment of Silence

Today my blog will be empty, as a moment of blogsilence for Rudy, Kafi, Sam, and the new baby. Though I don't know why some prayers "work" and some don't, I keep praying anyway, especially in crisis.

// posted by Jenell Williams Paris @ 8:18 AM 1 comments

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Wednesday, July 14, 2004

The Pool is Shallow

Foreword: I was at a bridal shower last night (and noted that Laura Towle's waistline doesn't fill out her woven blouse like most Guatemalan peasant women do). Someone asked me how long I plan to stay at my job. I said, "I love my job, why would I not work there?" She looked surprised, and said she rarely hears such words around Solomon's Porch. There is just too much unemployment. What is worse than a season of unemployment at our church? I've got three: bubonic plague, scabies, or raining frogs. Feel free to add to the list.

Blog: I don't think so deeply during the summer. I read other blogs, and realize that I've been thinking about trimming a hedge, when to take a shower, and whether to put tarragon or rosemary in the chicken salad. It's great to have a month or two that doesn't require deep thought.

I'm writing, however, an article about how I integrate my faith with my anthropology. I have to submit an essay to the tenure committee this fall, and I don't want to write something just for them, so I'm writing for publication instead. Christians in academics mostly talk about the "integration of faith and learning", a perspective that typically involves identifying the underlying philosophy of the discipline, and comparing it with Christian philosophy. Anthropologists tend to not do this, so it appears that we don't integrate our faith with our science (if you believe anthro is a science, which I don't, but that's another essay). Anthropology is relativistic, mostly atheistics, non-conversionary, secular humanist, and evolutionary - what room is there for integrating Christian ideas? Plus, almost all of them -- I mean us -- no, I mean them -- despise missionaries and their associates (Bible-believing people). So what's the point? If we integrate at the level of philosophy, no one will publish or read what we say except for maybe InterVarsity Press.

I'm arguing for viewing anthropology through a lens of love, not faith. Love, defined as faith in action, is what many Christian anthropologists do. We love our colleagues, we love ideas (basic research), and we love other people (applied anthro and missions). Many Christians in anthro see potential for using and development cultural knowledge to advance God's kingdom, in many diverse ways. We don't try so much to reform the discipline itself - we just accept it and then appropriate it for our purposes.

And who even thinks propositionally anymore anyway? This essay is grounded in my emerging postmodern faith understandings in many ways. I'm going to try to refuse to do a foundational philosophical analysis of the discipline, and look at it instead in action, in intersections, and in appropriations. This is much more the way my theological understandings work, too.

Maybe I'll found the "emerging village of anthropology", of which I can guarantee you I'd be the only member. Unless this article is a best-seller and I go on Oprah to discuss it... you never know!

Comments today? Just a few ideas:
1. Tell me my ideas are brilliant.
2. Say what is worse in a church community than rampant unemployment.
3. Tell me whether to use tarragon, rosemary, or both in chicken salad. (Answer this by 11 am, or else don't bother).


// posted by Jenell Williams Paris @ 8:28 AM 1 comments

Monday, July 12, 2004

My Husband is a Lurker

James has been reading my blog! I thought he never did. And just when I thought I had carved out some privacy in cyberspace. I think he should at least say 'hello' in the comments section, but he probably won't.

I don't have anything to blog about, but I'll tell you what I'm doing today. I initiated a tenure writing group at Bethel for faculty (about 5) who are applying for tenure. We have to submit essays regarding our understanding of what it means to be a Christian in our respective disciplines. I started the group so I would actually write something by creating real deadlines, and so I could submit my essay for publication later.

Today we're meeting, and mine is the least-developed of the lot. Because I don't really want to write it, and I'm not doing very well.

What are you doing today?

// posted by Jenell Williams Paris @ 8:51 AM 2 comments

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Friday, July 09, 2004

America: The Country the Bible Built

That was the July 4 Sunday service theme at the local mega-church where my parents attended. I said it was heresy. Mom said I just like to be negative.

If there is a Christian America, it's in our inner cities. The surburbs are almost entirely secular in their public lives. I've lived in inner city areas of Philadelphia, D.C., Buffalo, and Minneapolis. In all of these places (and the African-American sections all the more), Jesus is a daily part of public life. Jesus is advertised on church buildings, on clothing, at pawn shops, and in the grocery store. People evangelize on the street, on the subway, and at the bus stop. Many strangers have promised to pray for me, after 5 minute bus stop conversations. Public mental illness and Christianity are mingled in fascinating and sometime compelling ways. I have prayed with strangers on the spot, in public. Homeless people are frequently religious, and offer interesting insights about God and their lives.

I've lived in suburbs only in Minnesota, but I suspect they are typical. People supposedly are Christians, but they don't display it, and don't even bring it up upon first meeting. Evangelism is apparently a special technical operation that requires proper setting, lighting, and relationship. Displays of religion are potentially offensive, so it's best that we all just agree to display capitalism in public, and keep everything else private.

Why do suburban people think they need to bring the Gospel to the inner cities? Inner city people proclaim the Gospel every day, in public, in season and out. You can argue that many inner city people are addicted and socially dysfunctional, which they are, but that doesn't mean they don't know Jesus (though obviously some of them don't). And suburban people have all the same problems, but like their Jesus, they keep their problems privatized.

America isn't Christian, in my opinion, but Christianity is still present in our public lives in precious few parts of the country. If we could get over our racism and classism, perhaps we could open our eyes to the Gospel incarnate among the poor.

// posted by Jenell Williams Paris @ 8:12 AM 2 comments

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Thursday, July 08, 2004

Don't Do It.

People, let's make a pact together that none of us will sponge paint flowers or vines on our garage doors. It may be cute, it may be sweet, but it is distinctively uncool.

Watching TBN is fine, especially if you can experience the joy of the Lord in country gospel format (which I can). Just avert your gaze from the women's eye shadow and the men's patterned vests.

Sharing water with a cat is also fine, but I think she's going to do it to visitors, too. I have a few visitors this week, so we'll see how it goes.

Nothing to blog about today. I'll just say hi to Rachel Stratford, who says she reads blogs sometimes to stay in touch with us. We miss you!


// posted by Jenell Williams Paris @ 9:02 AM 1 comments

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

The Sincerest Form of Flattery

I'm not really crazy, and I'm feeling a lot better today. My real problem is that in my writing, I imitate whomever I'm reading. When I write about craziness, it's because I'm reading Anne Lamott. When I write sweet spiritual things, it's Kathleen Norris. When I write about centering and peace, it's Deepak Choprah. When I sound angry and critical, it's too much Todd Friel and TBN.

I'm reading Traveling Mercies for the third time right now. I love it, but Anne Lamott starts to feel like my new best friend who has so many problems I want to start avoiding her. Yet I can't stop reading, and then I imitate her when I write! Rather than change this about myself, I decided to use it to my benefit. Frequently when I write, I read something similar (academic, spiritual, whatever) for 20 minutes before, and then writing is more easy.

My topic for today is a poll relating to my suburban life. Which of these three things is the most uncool?

1. Sharing a water glass with a cat (4-5 times a day).
2. Sponge painting your garage door in the pattern of hanging vines.
3. Watching Praise the Lord music on TBN.

// posted by Jenell Williams Paris @ 9:39 AM 1 comments

Friday, July 02, 2004

Friends: An Ode to Them

The Greeks thought friendship was a higher form of love than family or romance, though perhaps this was because you could run and play naked with friends in public, but not with your wife or aunt. In my understanding, Americans didn't valorize romantic love above all else until the 19th century, when people began cultivating burdensome expectations for their spouses. Earlier, a spouse was for economic stability, sex, family, food, and companionship (even that is quite a list). For the last hundred years or so, the spouse is supposed to intuit and then meet emotional needs, be a best friend, and enjoy the same leisure activities. No wonder why "he doesn't meet my needs" is a reason for divorce - maybe we place too many needs on one relationship!

I propose developing a forum for naked play racing and wrestling among same-sex friends in public. Short of that, I propose the re-valorization of friendship.

It seems to me that friendship is valued differently in various regions of the country. In D.C., among the educated mobile population, friendship was highly prized. People formed meaningful friendships very quickly, because nearly all of us were transplants spending a few years doing school or gov't work in Washington. Friends came and went quickly, and people adjusted their bonding and mourning appropriately. Most people didn't have family nearby, so friends were all we had, and we built a web of meaning out of those relationships. Family was distant back-up, and romance came and went. This set-up worked great for marriages, too, because when people got married, they had solid networks of friends in place and knew how to weave new people into the web.

In Buffalo, and in Minnesota, it seems that family is all-important, and friends are the second-prize ribbon for those who don't have family. After a year or two here, I realized that many Minnesotans just don't value friendship. Friends are pleasant amusements, but for holidays, moves, trauma, secrets, and vulnerabilities, you turn to family. Er...wasn't it family who created the secrets and trauma in the first place?

Our small group at church formed when Jimmy stood up and said, "Who would like to be part of a high-commitment group of friends?" And so some friend-oriented people stepped up, and this truly random collection of people committed to each other and became friends. It was a ham-fisted approach, necessary in a place where real friends are hard to find. (The rest of the church does this, too, in a myriad of ways).

Family is who you're born with by chance. A spouse is both friend and family, because you choose each other and aren't genetically related. But who wants only one friend? It's better to have lots of friends so you can protect the happiness of the friend-who-has-sex-with-you. In an ultimate statement of love, Jesus called his disciples friends. We commit to Jesus with an ultimate commitment, even more than to parents and siblings. Church is our home, and we are friends here.

// posted by Jenell Williams Paris @ 9:24 AM 1 comments

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Thursday, July 01, 2004

You CAN!

Strange to wake up to the smell of smoke and the sight of flames rising above my treeline. I'm only 4 miles or so from the city, but it's legal to burn here (apparently), and the neighbors were blazing their pile of junk at 6 am.

This move is good for my grief because it is a bold statement to myself that I CAN improve my life. I have lived in the future for over three years, saving money for a baby, not decorating the house because things will rearranged when baby comes, not painting or using chemicals because I could be, or was, pregnant. I was using the now as a means to an end, not valuing life in the present. And then that whole imagined future turned to shit, so not only did I miss the future, I missed all those present moments along the way.

I am enjoying this new house today, not feeling bad because there aren't any living children in it. I'm painting my office today (a cool shade of pink) and I'll breathe the fumes without worry. I'm arranging furniture and space as if today is all I have. If it needs to change in the future, I'll change it then.

On moving day, I got mad at my babies for dying and tossed their carefully set-aside urns in a box. Now they are in our bedroom on a shelf. When we go to bed there is me, James, Opal, Ruby, Ian, Simon, and Gordon all together in the room, and my family feels complete.

Let's see... a question for today related to valuing the present and honoring your capacity to enjoy life. In the now, at this moment, what is the most beautiful thing in your line of vision? For me, it's an orange day lily.

P.S. Laura, did you read yesterday? KP, how's your tan?

// posted by Jenell Williams Paris @ 8:51 AM 0 comments

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