Wednesday, September 29, 2004
I'm heading out to Messiah College for the weekend. I'm eager to learn about how other Christians integrate their faith identity with their scholarship - it's a conference called Faith in the Academy. I'm giving a paper titled "A Pietist Perspective on the Integration of Love and Learning in Cultural Anthropology." It's bound to keep everyone on the edges of their seats, I'm sure.
I'll be back late Monday night, and probably won't blog until then. I'm also missing small group and our church annual retreat, both of which are disappointing to miss.
Monday, September 27, 2004
I missed church last night because James and I, along with my parents, went to the Tony Orlando concert at Grand Casino-Hinckley. Thanks to the Peters brothers, secular music was scarce in my parents’ house while I was growing up, but a few artists slipped under the radar, including the Oakridge Boys, Tony Orlando, and a 45 record of “Believe it or not I’m walking on air.” My sister and I were forbidden from seeing worldly movies, enjoyed limited TV, and were allowed to play cards only outside of church (the face cards are demonic). Gambling and drinking were things about which we did not even speak.
Surprisingly, my mother has developed some religious defiance in her old age, saying things like, “I like to gamble, and I don’t care what anyone thinks!” She gambled once two years ago when we all went on a cruise together. Yesterday was her second time. She started on the nickel slots with $1, went down to .80, then up to $4.25 and got so excited she cashed it in. Then she started over with $1, lost it all, and stopped.
I held the unexamined expectation that the Tony Orlando concert would be like a Britney Spears concert, in a huge venue packed with excited people. Instead, it was in a hotel conference room made up of two smaller rooms with the partition removed. The audience was mostly white, almost all old, and a few of them were drunk. Many men wore shirts with elastic cuffs around the waistband. Many women had set their hair in rollers and wore their good shoes, the ones that women think can be passed off as dress shoes, but everyone knows they are just black tennis shoes. Many sweatshirts were decorated with appliquéd moose, pine trees, and deer, with Minnesota tourism or casino logos.
Tony Orlando started off the concert, which began at 4 pm, with “Tie a Yellow Ribbon (Round the Old Oak Tree)”, “Say Has Anybody Seen My Sweet Gypsy Rose”, “Knock Three Times”, and “Candida” (I kept imagining this serenade being sung to a yeast infection). Those are all his hits, and it was only 4:15! He did a silly skit with an audience member, and then moved into covers of other ‘70s songs. His band is a skilled cover band he met in a Springfield, MO bar, made up of white guys with no personalities. The bass player looked like Erik Wageman if Erik wore pressed dress pants and parted his hair in the middle and combed it straight down. They sang covers of Willie Nelson, Led Zeppelin (why?), and the Beatles. There were many sing-alongs to songs including “Ob-la-di Ob-la-die”, “Roll out the Barrel” and the like.
Tony Orlando is a man past his prime, and he knows it. He said he hasn’t had a hit song since 1977, and he’s grateful that people even remember his old songs. He wore pressed black dress pants and a black untucked camp shirt – the shirts men wear when they’re too fat to tuck their shirts in, but not so fat that they don’t care what they look like anymore. He still wears a mustache and puffy hair. From certain angles, he looked like one of my aunts, if my aunt would lose 30 pounds.
He seemed to be having fun, playing to a half-filled conference room of gambling fools. I had fun. It was like a lite-rock radio station come to life. Tony has very limited material and what limited talent he ever had has been greatly reduced. His range is limited, his voice scraggy, and his sex appeal remains only if his presence triggers a memory of the past, perhaps the white nylon unitard with spangles he used to wear on the Tony and Dawn show.
On the way home, James said that it’s hard to appreciate performers like Tony Orlando because we’re socialized to view stars as either successes or failures. In that view, Tony is a has-been. He continues to make a show out of four hits he made 30 years ago. He’s a Puerto Rican from New York City who now lives in Branson, MO where he does a few shows a year.
But he’s a showman who loves being on stage, and has the charisma to pull it off. He takes his limited talent and limited material, and does what he loves to do. It’s a 21st century parable of the talents. He inspires me today to teach, write, be a wife, and be a friend; to take my limited talents and abilities and express myself in ways that bring joy to myself and the people around me.
10 Comments:
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Thanks for providing me with some much needed laughter today--not at your story, but at the detail you included. I wish I had been there crooning away with you!
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NO WAY. I was having dinner at Grand Casino-Hinckley that very evening--we stopped on our way back from putting up the deer stand in Moose Lake. My wife noticed that there were a lot of cars there, more so than usual.
I remember the Peters brothers, too, but I think my parents thought that their books were tripe (my dad did have the Jimi Hendrix Experience on vinyl, after all). -
I for one, am glad that the Tony Orlando show is not like a Britney Spears concert. Would you REALLY have wanted to see him wearing a barely there bikini top?
I mean, he might be old (and fat) enough to pull it off, but I don't know how good it would be to see... -
Pete,
WAY. -
Help me Dude, I'm lost.
I was searching for Elvis and somehow ended up in your blog, but you know I'm sure I saw Elvis in the supermarket yesterday.
No honest really, he was right there in front of me, next to the steaks singing "Love me Tender".
He said to me (his lip was only slightly curled) "Boy, you need to get yourself a shiny, new plasmatv to go with that blue suede sofa of yours.
But Elvis said I, In the Ghetto nobody has a plasma tv .
Dude I'm All Shook Up said Elvis. I think I'll have me another cheeseburger then I'm gonna go home and ask Michael Jackson to come round and watch that waaaay cool surfing scene in Apocalypse Now on my new plasma tv .
And then he just walked out of the supermarket singing. . .
"You give me love and consolation,
You give me strength to carry on "
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Laundry Bags, at 7:35 AM
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Branson is just great for shows! I love going up there and staying in one of the beautiful Branson hotels and watch show after show!
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There are some great Branson shows to see!
Friday, September 24, 2004
1. Not blogging about homosexuality. Thank you for helping me articulate some of my new thoughts and for your replies. I started to feel panicky, like I was losing friends and people were talking badly about me behind my back, so I'm going to drop it for awhile. I've also been reading Anne Lamott all week, and spending too much time with her usually makes me feel crazy.
2. Visiting with Pica, the neighbor's cat. He comes over for a petting.
3. Not going to Bethel.
4. Making macaroni and cheese from scrach, with kielbasa, peas, and four cheeses.
5. Working on a book proposal.
6. Reading my stat counter data. Totally self-indulgent, but hey, who else is going to indulge my self? Best google searches that call up my blog:
what is the yellow bile that you throw up when you're pregnant
sick puke vomit stories turn on
african-american problems in the surburbs
listen to paris farts
jenell paris infection (what in the world?)
my brother masturbates in front of me
Todd Friel evangelism
7. Thinking about Jimmy's/ KP's enneagram question. I'm going to go post at Jimmy's site - why don't you come along?
4 Comments:
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Annie Lamott? I used to attend church with here until I found the truth of the Episcopal Church. (Just kidding) I love Ann Lamott, Traveling Mercies is an all time favorite along with Bird by Bird.
Nice to have visited gaing,
Rick -
Mac and cheese with kielbasa?
The delights one misses out on in life astound me. That sounds seriously good. -
jenell, i know the feeling, but be affirmed, for whatever it's worth, i think you rock. it's easy to push back hard because you seem like you won't wither under adversity. a true sign of collective respect from the blogosphere.
and...i've been thinking for weeks about where you could send the throw up article. why don't you try harper's? they always publish offbeat stuff like that in that first section. what do you think? -
Thanks Jen, and thanks for the Harper's idea. I also thought my dean didn't like me and that numerous colleagues didn't want me to work at Bethel anymore. And that my mom and sister were mad at me. It was a generalized spell of insecurity, applied also to my blog community. I can handle people disagreeing with my ideas, even very strongly. I can also handle people not liking me, during the 99% of the time when I'm not in an insecure spell. I don't like writing into cyberspace about things that could hurt an innocent passer-by. For those folks, I'd rather talk with them face-to-face, probably about a subject other than the morality of homosexuality.
Thursday, September 23, 2004
I appreciate everyone’s comments, and I’m learning from them all. I won’t, however, at this point engage the conversation about the morality of homosexuality, or the listing of sins that are worse than or ignored more than homosexuality. We might have that discussion at some point, but we certainly won’t agree, and it might just get terribly un-fun as most public discussions of the issue do.
Today I’m considering two things: our life together as a congregation, and our thought together as a congregation. My church is big on the idea of “think globally, act locally”, yet down on the idea of reducing complex issues to bumper sticker slogans. But in both our life and thought, we do our most intensive work locally, in the context of our global world.
Life together
Like Beppe said, I think our first, and perhaps only task as a community is to love God and love each other. I need to show each person in my church that s/he is of immeasurable worth to me just as s/he at the moment. I am very bad at doing this when the person in question says rude things about what she has and what I don’t have, but that has nothing to do with homosexuality. Regardless of how I feel about the person’s likeability, maturity, health, or appearance, I am called to love them and honor the creation of God that they are. In the church as a whole, this is a fairly general task that sometimes becomes specific, as individuals get to know me or I them. In my small group and in my other friendships, however, this is an intensive task that requires courage. In those settings, I need to open up my life to other believers, and show them my choices, my past (revealed only in the way and time that I choose – no ‘outing’), my decision-making processes, my thinking about God, and my choices and relationships with others in the church and beyond. Ideally, they will do this with me, too. And we just live life together, speaking with each other about these things.
At my church, the pastor asks us to practice linguistic humility, saying “It seems to me” when we speak of God and of the Bible, acknowledging that we speak from our own perspective and do not speak for God. It’s helpful to do this in relationship, too, saying “It seems to me that your biases are affecting your reading of Scripture here” or “It seems to me that you might want to think about making a different choice next time.” We also ask questions – “What would your life be like if you stopped doing this or that?” “Can you imagine pursuing wholeness in this or that way?” I have an addict's co-dependent in my life right now, and a shrink told me to affirm and bless her good choices and help her imagine healthy futures – that would be a good role for me, seeing as I can’t control her choices at all. I think we can do that for each other. Shelley’s story about her sister and my story about Amy are examples of ways we try to love people in complex sexual situations.
Thinking Together
And our thought life with each other? At our church, we make theology together, creating thoughts about God and understandings of Scripture that inform our life together. We don’t just absorb the pastor’s credentialed dogma, except for his dogma about making theology together and questioning his ideas! We situate ourselves within “generous orthodoxy”, and read and think together with saints of the past and saints of today who we meet in our life outside church, at conferences, at school, on the radio (but not Todd Friel), and in books.
My church doesn’t promote this particular method, but I teach it to my students as a gift from John Wesley. As we consider a question of morality or truth, like homosexuality, we consider Scripture (as read through our perspective and the perspective of saints in other places), our own experience (gay friends, our own sexuality, etc.), reason and logic, and tradition (generous orthodoxy). I also think that, on homosexuality, we need to consider the influence of media and social images, probing our own epistemologies. How do we know what we know about homosexuals – from experience (how many gay people? Over how much time?), media (how are those images crafted? For what purpose?), Scripture (knowledge given to us, or that we’ve worked on?), and tradition (are the vast majority of the saints before us wrong about sexuality? were they even talking about the cultural practice we know as 'homosexuality'?).
Critical thinking with humility! It’ll get you an A in my classes, and hopefully it will help us receive the Holy Spirit’s wisdom about our thought and life together as believers.
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, at 2:53 AM
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
I’m thinking as hard as I can! I’m also still reading Repenting of Religion, and what I’m writing today is heavily influenced by Greg Boyd. I’m trying on some of his ideas like clothes, seeing whether or not I want to own them.
Two blog commenters say, “What if a heterosexual is in desperate pain, and no one helps them?” I thought this was sort of defensive and catty, but then realized I was projecting bad tone onto people who disagree with me. In fact, this is a profound question. Often, by distinguishing sin from not-sin, we say that those who are sinning are in pain and need of help, and those who are not sinning are just fine. We proclaim, as individuals and congregations, that we’ve made an assessment of gays, found them to be lacking or just fine, and send them on their way with a bad diagnosis or a clean bill of health. Either way, it is we (conservatives and liberals) who do the judging, and we who set the course of action for them. Why are gays even in gay-affirming churches? Either way, they’ve been assessed and judged by others in ways that heterosexuals are not.
Greg says God made us to love, and saved us to love. We are not made to judge – it is not in our created nature. When we judge, we are stepping into God’s shoes, eating of the tree of good and evil, and we always do it poorly. He says we are all sinners and all in need of help. There is no “clean” group of people who are sin-free enough to assess the spiritual health of others. We’re all in the pit of sin together, and all rely on God to save us. We should just radically love everyone – show them that they are of so much worth to us – that they feel loved and find more love, and then we all seek healing and growth together. Each person’s process of growth and healing is between them and God, and no one else can set their agenda for them – what they need to change, and with what kind of immediacy.
But…”if even prostitutes or drug addicts can freely fellowship with us, how will they ever become convicted of their sin and begin to find the freedom and holiness Christ died to give them? How do we balance a concern to love nonjudgmentally with a concern to become holy people?” Greg says we should work to change ourselves not out of judgment or social pressure, but out of an understanding of biblical teaching, and in a context of intimate relationships.
Amy (not her real name) is a woman who used to be a man and had sex-reassignment surgery. (Friends, tell me if I should delete this paragraph if it’s inappropriate). She is at our church, and I’ve never heard anyone judge her. She is working on her relationship with God in her own way, and lets people into her life as she is comfortable. I’ve seen people befriend her and love her, and let her into their lives as well. Honestly, I think people are mostly befuddled by the immense complexity of her life and story, and no one necessarily knows how to direct her life even if they wanted to. Good! We should always be humbled and chastened by other peoples’ complex lives, and just be their cheerleaders as they seek God – not be their coach.
Our small group also functions, for me, as that context of intimate relationships. People bear my brokenness not by taking its weight off me, but by being my cheerleaders, my witnesses, my encouragers, and my blessers. The weight of sin and evil in my life is tremendous over the last few years, and I do wrestle with it alone because it's my journey, but not in isolation. I see people regularly enough that I know I won’t be off struggling through my daily life for very many days (usually only 4-6 days) before being in a loving circle again. I do my own work, but I am seen, touched, and blessed along the way. Sometimes people offer suggestions or even hard wake-up words, but I listen because they really know me and take my individuality and complexity into consideration when they speak. And I know they’ll never ask me to leave, no matter how screwed up I reveal myself to be.
The Bible teaching on Tuesdays and Sundays at our church, for all its sophistication, is a blunt instrument. It’s a public word spoken to everyone. It needs to get filtered down to the individual level through intimate relationships – not just go bluntly from the pulpit (or the blog or the magazine) to the heart. Both are necessary, but both in their right place.
But what about homosexuality? Homosexuality shouldn’t be at the center of the conversation – it should be, like infertility, undesired singleness, depression, bereavement, being too controlling, and adultery, one of the matters we face along the way, always contextualized in someone’s life story. The center of it all is giving and receiving God’s love. Maybe homosexuality needs to be treated from the pulpit at times, but that is not my calling and I don’t have wisdom about it. I do treat it in the classroom – maybe I’ll write about that and see what people think.
As you respond, please try to set aside whether or not my perspective suits your opinion about homosexuality. That is not the point – whether this love approach better advances the agenda of pro- or anti-homosexuality. Does this seem like the right way to live? If it is, then the issue-specific questions will follow later. They shouldn’t drive the conversation.
15 Comments:
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The love thing feels right to me, but I still worry about it being the easy way out. I wrestle with how to approach this issue because I know that my ideas are so formed by the voices around me that I am not always certain that my views are shaped by God. And yet that's exactly why I think Greg is on to something. There is no possible way an of us can figure out the "right" approach to homosexuality or anything else because we are too limited, too biased, too caught in our own crap to really have anything helpful to offer. I have come to a place of feeling like love is all I can offer because love is really all I can offer.--carla
By
, at 9:11 AM
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I'll cop to being a little defensive and definitely catty. And I agree that homosexuality shouldn't be at the center of the conversation. I think the problem is the church's focus on personal morality as the center of holiness and sin.
I think there are two negative consequences to that focus - first, the message is so long as your life is more or less in order in terms of "personal morality" then you've got nothing to worry about and you can focus on "fixing" people who don't have their lives in order.
Secondly, it helps us to ignore sin committed by the whole "body of christ". We ignore our individual role in that sin. The emphasis is on who is in and who is out, rather than recognizing we're all "out" but for the grace of God. -
First of all, Jenell, this is written beautifully. Second of all, I love this:
"We should always be humbled and chastened by other peoples’ complex lives, and just be their cheerleaders as they seek God – not be their coach."
Indeed.
But while most adulterers and depressed people are aware that they are short of the mark in one way or the other, what do we do with the large number of gay folks who are happy as gay and lesbian? We don't have an "adulterer's rights movement" in this country,nor do I anticipate one. We have millions of gay and lesbian folks who do not see their sexual identity as a disabling condition. Any intimation on our part that we see it as such is thus likely to be seen as patronizing at best and oppressive at worst.
We must do more than be cheerleaders for individuals on their journeys, I think. We need to be cheerleaders for entire communities of like-minded (like-spirited, like-sexed, whatever) people on their collective journey towards wholeness and acceptance. I'm not going to do that for adulterers, though I can love them individually; I am going to do that for the local chapter of the Rainbow Alliance. -
Speaking more experiencially than intellectually, it seems like you are going in the right direction. My sister is 37 and gay since her sophmore year in college. Duke and I were working at a large evangelical church and submerged in the adjoining theology. Our conversations with my sister stemmed from the strong belief "love the sinner, not the sin", and often ended in arguments and hurt feelings. She said one time, "This is so hard! Do you think I would actually choose this lifestyle!?" Her words are always close to me when I talk about homosexuality.
Anyway, during this time she wanted nothing to do with God or Christians in part because of our "loving" attitudes toward her. We really did love her and that love came in the form of a shaming parent who "just wants what's best for their child". We could see her struggle with her sexuality and the pain that came with it. We added to her pain.
I am thankful for how all of us have changed. She refers to us as "the new Duke and Shelley" and instead of turning away from God, she involves God in her life. I am able to accept her, and all the other gay people in my life, for who she is/they are without making her/their sexuality the centerpoint. My role in her life is to be her friend and her sister and to share the love of Jesus with her in whatever way God leads me to. Sometimes we have very hard discussions but my posture is more open and less jugemental. My struggle is that I still think God wants poeple to live holy lives and that homosexuality is not holy and yet many homosexuals are holy. How does this work? I believe that God is big enough do whatever he wants in her life and I pray that she is vulnerable enough to let that happen.
I think that our roles in our communities is to help each other live in rhythm with God and although we are somewhat clueless about this, God is leading us and will continue. I pray we are able to walk wherever he leads in whatever way he shows us.
shelleyBy
, at 12:54 PM
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I do think we need to be careful about plopping homosexuality in a pot with adultery, etc. The reason there's no adulterers' alliance is that adulterers can marry their partners if they want to. They can add their second wives to their health insurance policies once they become legally hooked up. They can adopt children together without raising an eyebrow. My point is that the reason homosexuals end up being so vocal and insistant is that they have been denied so much based on a national moral standard that may or may not be legitimate. I am fairly certain that if gay men and women had access to the full spectrum of rights and privileges available to other "sinners" they wouldn't care if the church liked them or not. As it is, we are among a whole host of institutions who insist on forcing them to live on the outside.
By
, at 2:56 PM
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Hugo saith, in part: "But while most adulterers and depressed people are aware that they are short of the mark in one way or the other,..."
I hope you mean that adulterers and depressed people realize that they have a problem, not that they are both sinners who need to repent and everything will be fine (which is the way it could be read). I have to confess I'm not happy about having the two groups in proximity, any more than I like seeing "homosexual" and "pedophile" together in a sentence.
Jennell quoteth: " …'if even prostitutes or drug addicts can freely fellowship with us, how will they ever become convicted of their sin and begin to find the freedom and holiness Christ died to give them? How do we balance a concern to love nonjudgmentally with a concern to become holy people?' ”
Jesus didn't demand that people change their behavior before engaging in conversation or even table fellowship with them. The only ones he really got irritable with were those who were so bound up in legality and who totally ignored the spirit of the message. Sometimes I think we've lost that aspect of Christianity, the spirit of the message, in favor of upholding rules, regulations, doctrines, dogma and statements of "orthodox belief". I think we ought to practice more just plain caring about people and less about convicting people. God can do a really good job on that all by Godself. There are no point systems for who gets the most people through the church door and baptized, or who brings the most people to Christ or even convicting the most people of sin. It's about kingdom stuff -- caring for the poor, the oppressed, the sick and the hopeless.
We haven't done a really good job with those folks because we've been too hung up on things like who's going to bed with whom, whether someone chooses their orientation or not, and whether or not it is appropriate for women to be deacons, priests, bishops and archbishops. -
I agree, whether or not we believe something to be a sin, the approach should be love, not judgement.
I just want to point out that with all this dicussion about various sins, no one has yet mentioned the Great American Sin, which is also one the things Jesus preached most about: greed. We've certainly got a lot of unrepentant greedy people, and I don't seem them getting pushed out of the church; rather, we want them in the church more than anyone else. Just a note. -
Mumcat, I did indeed mean that both the depressed and the adulterer are struggling for wholeness. I don't think depression is a sin! I don't think one can break marriage vows and be "whole" while doing it. I don't think folks struggling with severe depression feel happy and complete; I do know plenty of gay folks who feel whole and complete as human beings.
I ought to have been clearer. -
I am thankful for what Anonymous (the one with a lesbian sister) wrote in her post. It reminds me of a situation where a friend of mine, who is gay, mentioned that his sister, from an evangelical church, seemed to have made a lot of effort to "make peace" with him.
Perhaps, what is most important (for us creatures) is to be loving than to be right. I try to leave "being right" up to God, although I'm repeatedly in need of reminders. -
I read a book by Marcus Borg that touched on the subject and really brought home for me the attitude that I now have on this issue. Jesus was a subversive. He came to lead people to his Father and to subvert the purity doctrine of the Pharisees. The way the mainstream church looks at the GLBT community is with this Pharisitical purity doctrine. Jesus looked upon all of us with love and compassion. Which group will I side with? Not a hard question for me.
By
The Accidental Buddhist, at 10:05 AM
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I posted about this post, but since you don't have trackbacks, I'll just give you a link to my comments.
http://www.gordsellar.com/archives/004285.html -
This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
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Thank you for your thoughtful words on this difficult and controversial issue. You may be interested in reading a little on my blog about how I view this issue. www.progressiveevangelical.blogspot.com
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, at 8:20 PM
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
A clarification: I was not trying to dehumanize or brutalize Steve. He is a kind-hearted man who helps desperate people everyday. I did not intend to write meanly. I was trying to write about my encounter with fundamentalism and what it meant to me.
Another clarification: I am now trying to write about homosexuality, and will do so for a few days.
I don’t want to write about Focus on the Family itself, because for the most part I don’t like them very much. Specifically, I don’t like what I know of James Dobson, FF’s views on women, gender roles, politics, culture wars, and marriage. I felt ambivalent at the Love Won Out conference because I would prefer to have a consistent feeling of dislike toward Focus, but instead I am repelled and compelled simultaneously. (And, btw, I volunteer at Focus conferences with my parents b/c it’s something we like to do together. I’ve done two homosexuality conference, and one Women of Faith extravaganza).
I consider the issue of homosexuality, and gay people, to be gifts in my life. I didn’t seek them/it out, but here they/it are/is. I have been thinking hard and reading about the issue for 13 years. I have believed that homosexuality is an especially dastardly sin and that gays are dirty and shouldn’t be touched. I have believed that lesbians are quite intriguing, and that gay men make for entertaining, neat, and woman-friendly friends. I have believed that the Bible is totally clear about homosexuality, that it is totally unclear, and that it is clear enough. I have made myself a student of James Dobson, Stanton Jones, Marcus Borg, Walter Wink, and Mel White at various times.
I was drawn in 13 years ago because my best friend during college was a lesbian and a Christian, and felt she had to choose between her sexuality and her spirituality. I wanted to help her find wholeness. I wanted both to be right (she’s now a lesbian and not a Christian). I had a few other gay friends at Bethel, and it was a difficult place for them. I chose my grad school based on its African-American studies, but found it was also a national center for queer studies in anthropology. I was immersed in gay thought and life through academic study, academic advising, and D.C. social life. I’ve worked hard to come to terms with my own gender identity, to accept my created nature as a woman (mother issues, blah blah blah). I’ve attended churches that are gay-bashing, gay-affirming, gay-ignoring, and I attended a gay church (Metropolitan Community Church) for several months in D.C. I did fieldwork there and published an article about how sexuality and spirituality shape gay Christians’ neighborhood formation strategies. Now I talk about myself publicly as a safe person for students to come talk to about sexuality. And they do, and it’s amazingly interesting and heart-wrenching.
I write that not because I know it all, but because I want you to know where my knowledge comes from, why I care, and what my “agenda” is. I want to understand myself and live an integrated life – bring together my brokenness and diverse experiences into a centered life that is at peace with God. I also want to contribute to hurting peoples’ lives in helpful ways. Homosexuality is really important to me right now because I informally counsel students on their sexual struggles, and I am afraid of contributing to their pain – it’s a huge responsibility to nurture a young adult life.
Here’s my starting point, with respect to Focus’s reparative therapy movement. What if some people struggling with same-sex desire can change? What if it’s possible? What if same-sex desire, for some people, is rooted in psychic pain that can be healed?
Why are some people gay? We don’t know. Nobody knows, and they’re exaggerating if they say they do. Sexual desire is a complicated issue – it seems like an individualized complex of genetics, early childhood experience (pre-memory), parental bonding, socialization (media exposure, etc.), sexual choice, and at times, pathology (neurosis, compulsion). We too easily oversimplify the issues for the sake of strengthening our pre-determined opinions – that homosexuality is given at birth and can’t be changed, or it’s pathological and can easily be changed with therapy. Scientists don’t know, and scientific knowledge progresses study by study, in piecemeal fashion. And it takes a long time –we’re just at the beginning of studying the phenomenon from biological, genetic, psychological, and anthropological points of view.
It’s a mystery, but it does seem to be true that some people are satisfied with their same-sex desire and other people aren’t. Focus offers therapeutic resources for those who are not satisfied, and want to explore their own sexual and family stories for the sake of healing.
For today, here’s the question. What if some gay people are in desperate pain, and our Christian affirmation of homosexuality ignores their cries? What if we are absolving ourselves of theological discomfort and social stigma by affirming homosexuality, and some gay people are left without resources?
18 Comments:
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This was a more thoughtful treatment of the "controversy" than I thought possible - so major kudos for that.
But my instinct - which admittedly may be nothing more than liberal programming - insists that it's all quite beside the point. The Bible *is* as clear on its view of homosexuality as it is on anything. If what it says on the subject contradicts your personal experience and the wisdom of your heart, intellectual honesty forces you to make a decision - as your lesbian friend did so admirably.By
The Utah Resistance, at 9:56 AM
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Again, Jenell, a lovely post.
I've met my share of ex-gays -- and of course at All Saints, a ton of ex-ex gays! (Including some former higher-ups at Exodus).
I'm prepared to see sexual identity as fluid, at least for some folks. For those folks who see homosexuality as something to be overcome, I find it hard to insist that they just work harder on accepting themselves. For some gays and lesbians (not any that I can think of in my life, and I am surrounded by them), homosexual attraction may indeed be a response to trauma.
We also have to be very clear as to what the roots of dissatisfaction with one's homosexuality are. If that dissatisfaction is rooted in an honest belief that homosexuality falls short of God's best, that's one thing. If that dissatisfaction is more about a desire to be normal and escape society's opprobrium, that's a different thing altogether. I don't think it's a feminist act when a 19 year-old girl has a boob job -- even when she says it will make her "feel better." The real answer is teaching her to accept her body as it is. And I think reparative therapy and cosmetic surgery are, in many instances, analagous. But that may well be my bias.
When I taught gay and lesbian history, I repeatedly invited folks from the reparative therapy movement to come and speak. I invited NARTH to send someone (heck, they are based just a few miles from here). I promised them a safe environment -- but they never showed. When I teach it again, I'll invite them again, because they do have a place at the table. In some mysterious way, they may also be feeding His lambs. -
What if some straight people are in desperate pain, and our Christian affirmation of heterosexuality ignores their cries?
By
, at 12:33 PM
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What if some gay people are in desperate pain, and our Christian affirmation of homosexuality ignores their cries?
I think that assumes that we can know the root of their pain. My father-in-law is a psychiatrist who grew up in a conservative Nazerene home. So he's not exactly a crazy, hippie liberal. He argues that our sexual identity is deeply integrated with our personality and to suggest (not that you are) that "fixing" someone's sexual preference will alleviate their pain grossly over-simplifies the roots of emotional pain and injury.
What if some straight people are in desperate pain, and our Christian affirmation of heterosexuality ignores their cries?
I think it is dangerous to assume that the roots of emotional pain can be tied to one aspect of our personality. To assume that by "fixing" that aspect of their personality their pain will be resolved gets us to an even grayer area.
Groups like Exodus, Focus on the Family, etc. I think tend to engage in armchair psychoanalysis based heavily on what they believe Scripture says. I think they're more interested in validating their view of human sexuality (as influenced by conservative/fundamentalist theology) than they are of actually helping people cope with their pain. But I suppose I'm not being very loving, either. -
Brian, I would say that you are absolutely correct in assuming that they use psychoanalysis to prove their interpretation of the bible (this is exactly what i said in my post a couple weeks ago). Having come from a conservative/fundamental upbringing, this kind of therapy drives me right into my own therapy, only for angermanagement issues, if you get my point.
I need to spend some more time reading what jenell wrote here. I was taking a break from my Psychology Journals for school to do some lite reading!! -
think I my reponse would be the same as 'anonymous' - 'What if some straight people are in desperate pain, and our Christian affirmation of hetrosexuality ignores their cries?'
I don't think the question makes any sense on its own - there is obviously a great deal more to any type of 'desperate pain' that peoples sexuality. And I think you have set up a false dichotomy between affirming someones sexuality and trying to help them heal past hurts/pain - the two are in no way mutually exclusive. -
btw, I'm "anonymous"--not that anyone here likely cares, but I don't approve of anonymous posting and didn't mean to do it, so sorry 'bout that.
And for a less snarky response, I very much agree with a comment by "Brian" over at H.S.'s post today, that sums up the most sensible response to this worry: namely, it would be a mistake to assume that we can people who have deep issues with core aspects of their personal identity are in a good position to self-diagnose. (I might add--especially when they're part of communities that push and reinforce that self-diagnosis). -
I'm gay and I'm Christian. When you try to figure out a response to us, you're saying that we're so different than other humans that you have to figure out a response to us. That's hurtful, and I know that I feel it every time I come upon one of these discussions. Are we so different and freaky bad that everyone has to get together to discuss it? Your reaction to me will just either tear me down or build me up, and that's it. It won't change anyone from gay to straight.
If you have to think about it in order to love us, then that isn't the love of God. If you love us with conditions, then it's not love at all. If you love me in hopes that I'll change because of that love, then that isn't love. "I love you anyway" isn't the same as "I love you" and I've had it said to me so many times that I can tell you that I feel the difference in my soul. "I love you" feels more valuable than gold, while "I love you anyway" feels like a scrap of used aluminum foil in comparison. I know which one feels more like God's love. God isn't afraid to love me.
Why not tell these kids who are struggling that they are precious children of God? I would encourage you to hesitate to provide answers because you don't know anyone else's answers as far as their relationship with their God. You don't know the mind of God either. The main problem in being gay is feeling unlovable to others and oneself and to God, and that's because of religion and society's constant negativity towards us which also leads individuals to act unkindly towards us. The constant barrage of opinions and arguments and talk is wearing.
I have known I was gay for 30 years, have been out for 29, and between Christians and the media I haven't had a week's peace since I came out. Christians always think they're the first ones to talk with me about it, and it becomes like their special mission of helping me, and the helping feels bad, like I'm lesser, and it happens again and again and again. It comes across as arrogance, not love. It's like they feel guilty for liking me, as if there is some kind of cognitive dissonance inside them for liking me that they can only relieve by having "the talk" or preaching at me. I'm sorry, but it doesn't make me feel closer to you or to God to have scripture constantly quoted at me, even if in a "kind" way, or for you to tell me "I think being gay is wrong, but let's still be friends" or even "we're all sinners." You're not the first. I've heard it again and again and again and again, 29 years worth. I even had a friend tell me that they believed gayness was wrong on the day I had surgery. It's much rarer in my life and much more meaningful to be taken as is, just as I am. Telling me I should be someone else other than the gay person I am feels as if someone was saying to me, "I think your face is really ugly, and I don't think God likes it either," only it goes much much deeper. My gayness feels inborn and always has. You're telling me I'm ugly in God's eyes in the name of God, and I don't think you know that for sure.
The antidote to all this is complete unconditional (meaning you aren't loving them hoping that you'll spring upon the-solution-to-all-mankind's-gayness) love. Just love and remind them that God loves them.
I know that I myself when I was a young person would say something negative about it in order to see just where they other person stood. I didn't do it to be bad; I did it because I was too afraid to say something other than what I thought the other person might think. I was afraid to step outside of what I was taught by church and society (not by God) to say what ran deeper. I needed to talk to someone because it can be isolating to be gay. I was willing to go along with their opinion of me because I needed the time and attention and that was the closest to love I could find. It's hard being gay, and telling someone that they shouldn't be that way is so much harder on them than you realize, especially if they like/love/respect you to the point where your opinion is especially important. At that time, the kind of love that said I love you anyway was the best I had experienced. I can tell you that unconditional love, loving me as I am, feels much better, like night and day. The other kind, where they want me to change, feels not like love at all now. It feels cheap. Oh, what I would have given when I was young for someone to have just said simply, "You are a precious child of God" and leave it at that. I had that said to me for the first time last year.
I have to drive 35-40 minutes to get to a church that will love me as an openly gay person. (Openly gay means that I introduce my partner of 14 years as my partner instead of as my roommate and thus you can know me as well as I can know you.) Isn't it a larger issue than this issue itself, that there are so few churches where gay people can go and feel loved? Most straight people can attend any church on any corner. It's not like that for us. Churches are few and far between, especially in rural areas. I was rejected by the first church I tried, one I was very much attached to. Can you understand what it feels like to look around for a church who might let you come rather than looking for a church that you like? Most Christians treat me as so much less than them. I'm an issue to them, not a person. What a luxury you guys have in being accepted by the world.
Can you imagine what it would feel like to a GLBT person to have a Christian defend us with fellow Christians who exclude rather than attack us again in the name of love or in the name of scripture or in the name of God? I just wonder if we're so busy theorizing about the rightness or wrongness that we're forgetting to just welcome people in and show them love for the duration, and not that "I-am-going-to-change-you" kind of love, but a love that says that we don't have all the answers, but that we do know that we're all precious children of God. -
I think it's unfortunate that people like Jen, above, feel they have the right to disallow conversations or even debates about homosexuality.
Jen, just because you've been hurt and are sensitive to this subject doesn't mean you should try to stop anyone from talking about it. In my opinion, it's intellectually dishonest to insist that everyone should just accept your view and not talk about it anymore.
I don't say that to be mean. I'm not even trying to fix your "gayness." I'm trying to fix your approach to life and its very real problems. You can't just keep saying "a tree just is" and expect everyone to automatically agree with you.By
Bill Arnold, at 12:20 PM
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Bill, I've heard these conversations since the 1970s, and I've never ever heard another gay person speak about the fatigue of it or how it makes them feel. Most are just busy trying to defend themselves or trying to help people to understand. Some readers may not know how Christians strike some (most?) GLBT people, Christian and otherwise, and I thought some might want to know. That's all it was. It wasn't an attempt to shut down the conversation, I never expected that, just an attempt to make people aware that we're talking about flesh and blood people here, not just issues or theology as if it was some sort of hobby or sport.
I didn't say anything for all these years, didn't even stand up to defend myself with all the name-calling and abuse and all, but now I'm going to be honest and open and real and say to my fellow Christians that the way Christians act about this issue most of the time hurts.
Bill, when I was in school, a Christian teacher made me turn my head away and not look at her whenever we passed in the hallway because I was gay. For 2 1/2 years, I had to turn my head automatically and look at the wall whenever I saw her anywhere or else she'd tell my parents I was gay. I had to always be on the lookout lest I accidentally looked at her. I literally dropped on my knees and crawled out of a room once that she had come into because I was so afraid. This kind of thing is still going on. Kids are being victimized and bullied in school because they identify as gay, and this is before they've even been on a date with anyone or even held hands. It's just because they say, "I'm gay." It just seems that there are justice issues that everyone could discuss, but few people know about things that go on because of the issue itself. Abuse is excused in the name of morality. If Christians want to have a big impact on the young adult and adult gay world, then stand up and say you want the bullying in schools stopped.
I started speaking up when a teen told me on a daily basis the things that happened to her in her school because she came out. She was called names within the first couple of weeks, lost friends, felt tortured and just went home and hid every day after school. She became depressed and talked about suicide. She was 14 years old when she came out. 14. She felt she couldn't tell her parents and still doesn't trust her ministers because of the things she has heard Christians say.
You guys will have to let me know if knowing things like this is good or bad. Do you want to know? -
i want to know.
maybe attaching this kind of healing pursuit, jenell, directly to homosexuality misses the point. if you're having an identity crisis of any kind that is debilitating or makes you hate yourself (or others) help and healing is in order. don't you think it's bad shrinking to assume you know what the end of a client's journey will look like? a good shrink (just my professional couch perspectived opinion) would go on the journey with you, content with wherever you ended up, as long as that place was sane and whole. the problem with focus (and with people who hate their guts for trying) is that there's no room for agenda when it comes to sorting out your identity. it has to be an openended journey. and sexuality is so fluid--to be forced into one box or the other might be missing the point. some people fit those boxes without question, but a lot don't. what then? counsel them to death til they fit somewhere? because it is so complicated, i don't see the point. plenty of people find wholeness without such confining definitions. -
What an amazing conversation going!
Imagine, if you will, that you wake up tomorrow in some crazy parallel world, where everyone is gay... except you.
That the norm is homosexuality. This is how the population reproduces... this is how people have been doing it for thousands of years... and you are naturally attracted to the wrong gender.
(Just humor me)
In this world God has blessed homosexuality and has made it clear that being straight is not his plan.
So now, if you want to love God, and have fellowship with other Christians, you've got to concede that your sexual orientation is wrong.
Seems far fetched. But to a gay person... this is very very real.
If you want to help someone who is gay I suggest you look at your own understanding of the Gospel. If Jesus died for all sinners, and personally forgave you for all the sin you've done and still do than he can forgive a gay person too. Even if they live a life you would consider defeated by being with someone of the same sex.
What is important is that the person has a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit will sort out the details.
If you want to help a gay person... or ANY person... pray about it and when the Holy Spirit leads you, explain the Gospel to them. Leave sexuality out of it. Let God be God. You can pray silently.
Unless you are gay you can not begin to know what a gay person thinks or goes through.
Thats my two cents. -
What an insightful, sensitive, godly post.
Thanks for your great insights.By
Julie Anne Fidler, at 5:06 PM
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As you might expect from an Ex-Gay Watch writer, I believe sexual strugglers (regardless of orientation) should be entitled to hear from a diverse range of honest and accurate resources. Strugglers need to determine where their problem lies, and need to know of a variety of realistic options.
The particular difficulty with Focus on the Family and its affiliated exgay programs is that they distort science to fit their ideological perspective; omit science that disagrees with their approach; oppose and misrepresent gay-tolerant therapy and faith options; and they promote discrimination.
Are gay-tolerant resources really any more trustworthy? Some are, while a few are not, in my opinion.
Resources (both gay-tolerant and antigay) must provide strugglers with a range of information and options; Resources that steer strugglers toward a politically, religiously, or professionally self-serving goal are bound to harm innocent souls.By
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psychic spiritual reading, at 4:41 AM
Monday, September 20, 2004
This year’s Love Won Out conference took place at North Heights Lutheran Church, a huge church in a St. Paul suburb. Love Won Out is the “ex-gay” educational traveling show of Focus on the Family. I could explain why I went, but that would derail this story entirely. During a mid-morning sugar low, I sidled past the exhibitors’ booth that had the largest bowl of candy, feigning interest in Christian psychiatric services. I moved on, miniature Hershey’s bar in hand, and heard someone calling my name.
“Shit,” I thought, “I’ve been entrapped by the shrink who set out this candy…But how would he know my name?”
Steve (not his real name) was calling “Jenell” (my real name). Steve and I were acquaintances during college, and haven’t seen each other for about eleven years. I haven’t thought of him even once since the last time I saw him. He’s a counselor now, guiding addicts and homosexuals through a spiritually-based recovery program. (I could explain why homosexuals and addicts are in that sentence together, but again, that would derail the story). Steve has a Bob Jones University haircut and a Liberty University master’s degree. He also has a Bethel University bachelor’s degree, but I’d prefer not to emphasize that right now.
He asked the opening questions that single women at Solomon’s Porch hate most, “So, are you married? Any kids?”
I said, “Yes, I’m married and I have three children, but the children are all dead.” After his face recovered from its pained expression, he said he remembered me as having really taken urban poverty to heart during college. I said I had lived in inner cities for thirteen years, but moved to a suburb three months ago. I laughed and said, “One neighbor family screams at each other and some of them use pot, so a little bit of ghetto is still nearby.”
My humor fell hard and flat, like jumping off a trampoline onto the ground. He said, “That can’t be an accident. God placed you next to them for a reason.”
I said, “It seems to me that it could be an accident.”
He said, “There are no accidents.”
I said, “Since my babies died, it’s hard for me to confidently identify God’s hand at work in the world.”
“There are no accidents,” he repeated.
I shrugged. I said I’d come back later in the afternoon to ask him some questions about addiction and healing, and to hear about his counseling practice.
I did return to his exhibitor’s booth, and he told some good stories about his practice, and gave me useful advice for my informal counseling with students struggling with sexual matters.
Then he said, “I’ve been thinking about what you said about accidents earlier today. I’m worried about you, Jenell. I’m concerned that you’re angry with God or that you feel alienated from Him. Is it possible for you to see your children’s deaths as an act of love?”
I said, “God killed them as an act of love?”
“Yes.”
“No. I realize I could be wrong about it, but it’s not possible for me to ever see it that way.”
“God is always loving, even if you don’t see it at the time.”
“Steve, what if I injected my husband with a deadly infection, bashed part of his head in, and told him it was loving?”
“That’s not what God did to your babies!”
“Actually, that is what happened to my babies. And if it was God who reached inside my body to infect them and kill them all, well, I will just never perceive those actions as loving. Because they’re not.”
Then we shared a moment of silence. I suspected he had gone back to the first question about my being angry with God, or that he was concerned because I had said earlier that I was “pissed off” about something. My eyes darted around the hallways and I remembered the words of Jesus in Mark 1:38, “Let us go somewhere else.”
Steve said, “Well, I see that you need to go, but can I ask you one more question?”
“OK.”
“Who are you planning to vote for this November?”
I said, “Nader,” and that said it all. Steve and I have different keys for life’s test bank. His God blessed him with three children and put one of His followers in the White House. My God stood by while my three sons died, and stands by while, like my reproductive efforts, my favorite candidate fails miserably again and again.
I know something about Steve, though, that he might think I’ve forgotten. Steve was just an acquaintance of mine during college, but he dated Stacy, who was my friend. Steve went to Amsterdam ahead of Stacy, and they planned to meet up during a study-abroad course. He didn’t write or call in the weeks of separation, and she didn’t know how to contact him once she got there. Amsterdam is a small city, though, and she saw him on the street walking hand in hand with another woman. Stacy was devastated, and she got neither an explanation nor an apology.
Stacy is the fly in Steve’s buttermilk. He’s not perfect, and all his life choices don’t bundle up neatly. It’s nice to have some dirt on Steve, because it feels good to know that this holy, blessed man was once an asshole, and maybe he still is from time to time. It’s good to know that his boat has a few leaks, just like mine.
25 Comments:
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it's carla. If there are no accidents, I hope Steve is home right now thinking about what it is God wants him to learn from his conversation with you.
By
, at 10:18 AM
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From the way you describe it, he had this coming. But ouch.
By
The Utah Resistance, at 10:34 AM
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I took the time to read the entire post. Outstanding! That was really good. Thank you.
Peace,
Rick, a new visitor -
Isn't there a statute of limitations on the ability and validity to spout out advice and judgment on people's lives who you knew from back-when?
If the government declares someone as legally dead if the body hasn't been found for seven years, I say shut your f*&^in mouth if you haven't been around, Steve.By
Solomon's Girl, at 10:52 AM
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Good God.
It is SO reassuring to know that Steve has all the answers. Please post his contact information, so that the rest of us can benefit from the fount of his wisdom.
I am mortified that people like this exist. Good for you for maintaining some civility with him, though. I always end up resorting to name-calling (like with my favorite idiot-wrapped-in-a-moron, Todd Friel.) Not a Christlike approach, to be sure, but I just can't do it right now. Maybe after the election I'll be able to be civil. -
Jenell,
I agree that what Steve said was insensitive, but I wonder about the conclusion you have come to through your interaction with him. I'm not going to pretend that I fully understand the pain that you have gone through over the last year, but I know that many people have been blessed by the words that you write and speak about love, God, death, and mourning. I feel that your discussion with Steve could have been a great opportunity for you to share that with him. Writing about his indiscretions in college doesn't change the fact that what Steve is trying to do is what we're all trying to do: understand why there is pain and suffering in a world supposedly governed by a loving, merciful God. Steve should be ashamed at how uncaringly he approached this question with you, but I, for one, hope that God IS present in this world. Please keep sharing the hard answers with us, even with those of us who don't seem to be asking the right questions.By
, at 1:24 PM
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Sorry, that last comment was from Laura Bates. I didn't mean to neglect that.
By
, at 1:26 PM
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Sometime when it won't derail the narrative, I'd love to hear how you ended up at the conference - it can't just be the free candy.
Laura - It's good to talk about the ways that God is present in the world. It's also good to talk about the ways it feels like God is nowhere to be found. I think people who are never angry at God or never feel abandoned by God are either not paying attention or are afraid that facing hard truths will destroy their faith. I think the ones who will admit that there's a lot of shitty stuff we can't explain believe in God more than the holy people. -
From Laura:
Christy, I would totally agree, and I hope that my comment didn't make it sound otherwise. My point wasn't that we should ignore the crappy things that happen to us that make us feel like God is ignoring us. Exactly the opposite, actually. I just think that some tactics of relaying that to others is healing and productive, while some just create larger divides between people. And maybe that is inevitable, because I know that we all mourn and heal in different ways.By
, at 3:18 PM
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I didn't tell my story or insights to Steve because he was talking, not listening. It's hard to talk clearly and at length about my life's saddest story, and I only do so with people who want to hear it. And please don't misread me - Steve is a kind, good-hearted man who is investing his life into helping desperate people. I am trying to say that he and I are similar (not that he's an awful monster) - flawed people making our way through the world.
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Damn. Gut-wrenching. Heart-wrenching. Faith-wrenching. Thank you for sharing that story. Honestly, one of the best blog posts I've read ... maybe ever.
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Jenell, you've outdone yourself. Beautifully written.
I have some experience with the "Love Won Out" folks. (I heard Joe Nicolosi speak at Fuller Seminary a while back). They are such a challenge for me -- they read the gospel so differently than I do, and yet I've found such goodness in those whom I've met.
You dealt with Steve perfectly, IMHO. When we use bad theology to bludgeon other folks, we need to be called on it.
I can't go with you as far as Nader. Kucinich had my vote in the primary, bless him, but JFK has it this fall -- even through gritted teeth. -
Hey Jenell,
I usually spend a lot of time on my blog spoofing trite Christian rubbish that is unable to engage at all with real sufferings, and hides behind pat answers.
I forget that it's actually quite a serious business though, and your blog reminded me of that. Thanks.
Sven -
Before I say what I'm about to type, let me make one small request: please don't hate me! ;o)
Maybe it wasn't just "trite Christian rubbish that is unable to engage at all with real sufferings, and hides behind pat answers" as Sven suggested. Maybe it was just one person doing what all of us are doing - trying to make sense of a fucked-up world.
Maybe he has more than 1 leak. Maybe his brother died of leukemia and his wife was raped last year? Perhaps he has to believe that God took those children as an act of love because he had no other way to make sense of his wife's recent miscarriage? It's possible isn't it?
What he said might have been a pile of shite, but it obviously has a few hundred years behind it as the dominant theology of the West. That doesn't make it right - and I don't think it is - but it surely suggets that one could hold that view without necessarilly being heartless?
Reminds me of a chorus from a favourite song of mine at the moment:
"Some of us laugh, some of us cry,
Some of us smoke, some of us lie,
But it's all just the way that we cope with our lives."By
Graham Old, at 6:25 AM
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Wow, i feel for you. what a horrible situation. When people react like he did, i always think that they are damaging themselves by ignoring their emotions and white-washing it all by saying 'it's God's will'. It always seems way too fatalistic to me.
By
Robb Heaton, at 10:01 AM
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Graham, What is the song? I like the chorus.
By
, at 11:23 PM
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It's from a song called "Some of us" (no surprises there!) from the album "Silence is easy" by Starsailor. It's a cracking album.
By
Graham Old, at 9:19 AM
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coping with your own life is one thing - but projecting your 'coping' and pat answers onto someone else and shaming them for their pain and suffering is another.
jennel, i'm so sorry for your loss, and that this man drug you through his issues. i think it is those with the most to hide that build the walls higher on the box they need to stuff god into.
he has more than one fly in his ointment, and he lives in terror of anyone seeing them, so he must wear the mask to cover the cracks in his face and faith. your kindness to him spoke greatly to me, as i would not have been so polite.
thank you for sharing your story with us. -
Now if Steve was just some random guy off the street that would be one thing, but he's a PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR????
Sheesh. -
I am hoping you will share your story.
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, at 2:30 AM
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mortgage articles for refinance mortgage home loans
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A
By
home equity loan online, at 2:44 PM
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By
Mortgage Center, at 10:31 PM
Friday, September 17, 2004
Alright, alright people...you can stop asking now! Throngs have requested a reprint of my seminal writing titled "Fifty Ways to Lose Your Lunch." Well, if Jimmy can be called a 'throng', then this is true. But here it is - I edited it, including some suggestions blog-readers gave me earlier. I'd publish it if I could think of any magazine that would want it. Ideas?
Constant vomiting is difficult in part because it is so isolating. No one will vomit with you, though occasionally a good friend will hold your hair back at a party. No one will even watch you vomit. My husband tried, but found a primordial instinct forced him to turn away. Vomiting is also isolating because it’s impossible, for English speakers at least, to really describe the experience. American English offers its users many words for the act of puking. We commonly use puke, hurl, retch, spew, ralph, hurl, upchuck, and the clinical regurgitate, emesis, or to be sick. Some, especially those who drink too much, have made an art of vomit language: driving the porcelain bus, blowing chunks, tossing your cookies, losing your lunch, talking to ralph on the big white phone, and, new to me, singing psychedelic praises to the depths of the china bowl.
These words are helpful, but none describe the vomit itself. Puke feels very different if it consists of beer, orange juice, cottage cheese, meat, bile, or water. Pregnant women and other frequent hurlers could, perhaps, elicit more sympathy and care if they could more clearly explain precisely what they are vomiting. On the international scene, Americans would also appear to be a more intelligent people if we could demonstrate superior linguistic innovation. We’re falling behind in science and math, but I think crass linguistics could be our niche.
What follows is the beginning of a dictionary of vomit. It is based largely on my experience, and I acknowledge it as just a small step forward. Notably absent are entries about drunken vomit, and vomit related to various diseases. These areas should be explored by experts, which I am not. I’ll just offer what I know: the chunks and fluids produced by pregnancy and mild food poisoning. I sincerely hope other expert retchers will use this vocabulary, develop and extend it, and so contribute to our culture.
Bile hurl. Bile hurl contains nothing but the slippery and bright yellow acid in the stomach. It is a relatively weak vomit, but usually comes at the end of a series of more aggressive pukes. It looks fairly innocent, but bile hurl has a powerful taste because the bitter flavor taste buds are on the back of the tongue, the vomit entrance ramp. Bile hurl also eats away at the throat, making the voice scratchy or absent altogether. Bile hurl is sometimes accompanied by a weak voice whispering, “I’m so sick.”
Food-refusal vomit. When the body refuses food immediately, puke consists of the food in its original form, moistened. It’s hardly disturbed, and could be eaten again later in a pinch. When pregnant, food-refusal vomit may be produced up to ninety minutes after ingestion, in my experience, and perhaps even later for others. The corner of a saltine eaten while horizontal, for example, may emerge whole and unscathed after an hour and a half of rest. When experiencing food-refusal vomiting, it is wise to choose foods based on the ease of vomiting them later. Granola, for example, is too dry and sharp, but cheerios are mild and smooth. Tomato-based soups produce burning hot acid, but clear soups swim upstream like salmon. Coffee produces the same sour result as tomato soup, but black tea and green tea bring only a not entirely unpleasant warmth that rises quickly from belly to mouth. Meat is heavy, requiring strong muscle contractions to work against gravity, but vegetables are slippery and light. Despite what I once hoped, eating sweets does not make food-refusal vomit taste better, not even if the sweets are Ding Dongs or gas station chocolate donettes. The taste buds for sweet flavors are on the tip of the tongue, so sweetness cannot be tasted when food enters the mouth from the wrong end.
False emesis (commonly known as dry heaves). When the body is too weak to really puke, it retches to no effect. Totally dry, not even water or bile. False emesis can be identified early by the quality of muscle contractions, and if correctly diagnosed, you can just stay in bed or watching TV while retching. If wrongly diagnosed, of course, you’ll be sorry. Even if you look yourself straight in the eyes in the mirror and sternly say “Stop playing!”, you cannot stop false emesis. You just have to ride it out.
Orally contained vomit. The frequency of orally contained vomit is determined by the modesty of the puker. When my pregnant friend Julie went to work, for example, she was separated from the bathroom by a long hallway. She puked in her mouth and calmly walked to the bathroom, without revealing it to her co-workers. I, on the other hand, would rather puke in my hands and carry it to the bathroom in front of everyone. Fortunately, I work at a school and was pregnant during the summer, so I didn’t face this challenge.
Rotten ralph. Rotten ralph is a non-pregnancy vomit, produced by mild food poisoning. An especially potent form, in my experience, is meat cooked with tomato-based sauce. The throat and back of the tongue are sensitive to the unique taste of rotten, partially digested meat, and acidic sauce adds an unmistakable throat burn. Ground beef enchiladas and picnic chicken marinated in tomato sauce provided me with two outstanding examples. Frequently originating at picnics and potlucks, rotten ralph is rarely found alone. Usually it is part of a double orifice elimination.
Sleep spew. Recognizing this form of vomit is extremely important because it is rare. During my pregnancy, I sometimes woke up out of a deep sleep, fully convulsing. This type of vomit was handy for the pregnancy itself, which seemed to want to torture me twenty four hours a day. When I woke up retching, I said in my mind, “You don’t have to throw up. You’re just walking to the bathroom. Just walking. It’s OK.” Mind control works for about 15-20 seconds, just enough time to get to the sink.
Surprise spew. Sometimes it seems that, despite weeks of daily vomiting, this day will be the day it ends. You eat something, it stays down for 15 minutes, and you’re so pleased that you keep eating. You eat numerous foods, say Doritos, a Ding Dong, milk, and a peach. Then the body sabotages the mind with a surprise spew, something you never saw coming. It’s frequently embarrassing, like the time I spewed a half-digested apple onto a wall in my doctor’s office. Another time I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and Coke, and surprise spewed. I threw up the sandwich, the color from the Coke (somehow it separates from the liquid), and something lime green that I never identified. This is the only pregnancy puke that I think about months later, wondering about those green bits.
Waterretch. Water is a vomit trigger for many pregnant women. This is a simple vomit, though the first few times will be mixed with the bitter taste of bile. If you’re the kind of fool I was, you will continue sipping water, thinking that your body will prefer the third or fourth swallow. The third and fourth vomit will not contain any bile. This is the only vomit that tastes precisely the same in both directions. Though it seems easy and trouble-tree, waterretch is not to be trifled with. Dehydration sets in quickly and will land you in the hospital.
Language reveals a lot about a culture. The Greeks, for example, had four words for love, distinguishing between erotic love (eros), family love (storge), friendship (philia), and unselfish love (agape). American English uses just one word sloppily for all these different emotions. Spanish speakers distinguish between conocer and saber, two ways to know. Again, English has just one word. When I searched briefly for English words for penis, however, I found thirty two. Thirty nine for sexual intercourse. Four hundred and ninety four for marijuana.
Americans have done well in developing words for vomit, sex, and illegal drugs. One area, however, has been left entirely unexplored: the nature of vomit itself. Similar to using just one word for the many types of love, it is sadly inadequate to use just one word for the varieties of vomit. I’ve offered only eight words for the nature of vomit, based on an informal investigation with a sample size of one. May it be the beginning of a vocabulary bonanza. There are about a quarter million distinct words in the English language. Let’s make it 250,008 and counting.
6 Comments:
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mothering mag. or brainchild might nibble--always with the chance of spewing it back at you, but still worth a shot.
By
, at 8:49 AM
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you could always try McSweeney's. it's not a magazine, but if you can't publish with them you can always say "well, no big deal--they're not a real magazine."
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YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! thank you so much. How about "the Onion"?
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i say hipmama online.
this was truly gross and i enjoyed it thoroughly.
which disturbs me. -
I think you should submit your best hurling stories to Toxic Custard's "Great Vomits of the Twentieth Century". Who knows, they may even need a lexicon!
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Nice blog. Please check out my lowes food site. It is all about lowes food informations.
By
, at 6:11 PM
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
A pleasant rain here, which I'm enjoying and also using as a reminder to pray for people in the path of Hurricane Ivan. James' grandma and grandpa got moved out of their retirement home into a high school for awhile, which was stressful (they're in their 90s). They live in Melbourne, FL, and are back home now.
I've been hearing so many hard stories from friends' lives this week. It's hard to listen and care without absorbing their problems into my stress system. I went to a chiropractor who would work on me and then shake his hands out. He said he was shaking my problems away so they didn't move into his body. That's what I'm trying to do - help when I can, and then shake it away.
Topic Du Jour
I don't have anything to blog about today, so I thought I'd ask you about your nicknames. Have you had any especially good nicknames? Have you had any that failed? My dad (Kenneth Crail) wanted people to call him K.C. for awhile, but no one would do it. Here's a list for me:
Jenellie (junior high teacher called me that and it stuck for a few years)
Nell (family calls me that still)
Snelper (my sister used to call me that but I don't like it)
Jaa-zee (my aunt's name for me)
Jezebel (as a kid, when I was bad)
Jenell Lora Williams (when I was really bad)
Nell-o (a cousin calls me that)
College Students Say the Darndest Things
In Race, Ethnicity and Peacemaking. "The Amish speak with, like, a Minnesota accent gone bad."
In the hallway. "My life is, you know, just so complicated. I have to, like, figure out when to eat lunch."
11 Comments:
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My various nicknames:
Rachelini (my family)
Rachie Rach (various friends)
Other than that, nothing. Maybe the name Rachel isn't interesting enough for more variations. -
Hugo-a-go-go (hated it)
Huggle (my father's pet name when I was very small)
Boo (what my mother called me, what my brother and I call each other, and what apparently is a very romantic term in African American culture)
Schmoo (in college. If you know the Lil Abner strip...) -
family nickname: mariedel-deedle-dumplings (from my brother, a combination of some chick from my brother's favorite story as a kid and my middle name, marie). Later shortened to just "ree" or "Carla dumps"
friend nickname: Groovy, based on my maiden name, Grover. Instituted by my undertaker/English teacher friend John who still calls my parents Mr. and Mrs. Groovy.By
, at 5:02 PM
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I went by Kathy until I went away to Baylor.
You guys know most of my nicknames now. I am most partial to "kay-pers."
There was a SNL skit that led my crass friend Carrie to call me Prilldo. Sometimes she still does.
A keeper from HS was "Prill the Thrill." That's good stuff! -
You may have already known this, but I also live in Melbourne. If James' grandparents live on the north side of town, they probably stayed at the HS I graduated from, & where two of my kids are now attending- EGHS.
I feel for the folks facing Ivan, and we are now watching Jeanne carefully. There is a phenomena I was unaware of previously- probably related to any major disaster, not just hurricanes. Along with everything else comes some serious depression & fatigue. Lots of that going around now. -
TW3 (in the family, referring to me being the 3rd but also to a popular TV show of the era, That Was The Week That Was)
Tommy (in the family, still)
T-Bone
Coach (when teaching high school)
Mot Hslaw (on the school bus in junior high)
Hombre de Plastico
The Man, the Myth, the Movement (still trying to get this one going) -
Cool Blog, I never really thought about it that way.
I have a Hurricane Katrina blog. It pretty much covers hurricane related stuff.
Thank you - and keep up the thoughts! -
Essential oils, roots and herbs can be used in a variety of ways to promote healthy living and repetitive stress injury. They are used to create natural remedies for treating ailments common to both people and animals, to add flavor to food, to make perfumes and to create environmentally friendly cleaning products.
You do not have to own a garden to tap into the benefits of plants, roots and herbs. A few herb pots located by a sunny window are enough to get you started. Then, all you need are some essential oils and you are ready to go.
For therapeutic purposes, only the purest oils will do. It is possible to be fooled into thinking that you are purchasing a pure oil. Often, a lesser quality blend of several oils is used to mimic the properties of the pure oil. Blended oils are acceptable for fragrance purposes such as for perfuming a room, but pure oils are a "must" for medicinal purposes.
A reasonable guide to the purity of an essential oil is its price. Pure essential oils are generally more expensive. Common oils such as lavender and geranium are much cheaper than frankincense and carnation oil. It is advisable to become familiar with essential oil prices and then rely on this knowledge when purchasing oils from unfamiliar sources. Keep in-mind that you will generally get what you pay for. A price list from a reputable dealer is a valuable resource when purchasing essentials oils.
Usually, pure essential oils cannot be applied directly to the skin and must be mixed in a base oil to reduce their strength. Base oils such as almond oil or wheatgerm oil are commonly used for this purpose. Base oils are generally derived from seeds, nuts or vegetables and allow you to create essential oil remedies that can be massaged into the skin.
So, what do you need to get started with essential oils and natural remedies?
Without a doubt, Lavender is one of the most useful and desirable oils. Not only does it work wonders on cuts, bruises and burns, it also aids sleep and helps with relaxation.
The Tea Tree and Eucalyptus oils are useful for treating a variety of respiratory ailments. These are excellent for the treatment of colds and coughs. They can be massaged into the chest or burned in an oil burner to help clear the airways and prevent congestion. Tea Tree oil is a natural antiseptic and can be dabbed on cuts, bites and stings. It is often used to treat spots and pimples and when diluted with water, acts as a mouth gargle (keep in-mind it should never be swallowed).
Another basic antiseptic is Geranium oil. With its distinctive perfume and pain relieving properties, it is a necessary inclusion when starting out.
Peppermint oil should also be purchased as it treats digestive complaints and may be used in preparations for freshening breath.
For fragrant perfumes and establishing ambience in a room, buy some Patchouli and Ylang-ylang oils. Often combined in scented candles and air fresheners, a few drops of each in an oil burner creates a wonderfully perfumed home. Orange oil mixed with Cinnamon oil is a lovely winter alternative that evokes seasonal, holiday smells. Besides their perfume qualities, all four of these oils have other properties. Patchouli treats eczema and dandruff. Ylang-ylang is reputed to relieve stress, palpitations and high blood pressure. Orange is used in natural remedies for depression and nervous tension and Cinnamon is excellent for warts and viral infections.
The herbs, Thyme and Rosemary can be grown in pots and used when needed. To create essential oils from herbs, stew some large amounts in pure water, collect the steam and cool it. The oil will rise to the top of the drained water and can be collected with an eyedropper. Alternatively, a "flower still" can be purchased to make the job easier. Thyme and Rosemary are both antiseptics and can be used in skin care preparations. They are also delicious when used in cooking.
Lemon oil and fresh lemons will purify water and, when mixed with honey, are effective remedies for colds and flu. Lemon and white vinegar are highly efficient cleaning agents that can be used for domestic cleaning tasks without damaging the environment. Use white vinegar as a natural disinfectant or mix it with water to clean windows and wooden floors. It is also handy to keep a bottle of white vinegar in your car if you swim in the ocean. It will bring instant relief from jellyfish stings.
Citronella oil is perfect in summer to keep the insects at bay. Another natural repellent is Garlic. Fleas will not bite a dog that has been eating garlic, so a few garlic capsules in the dog food are a cheap solution to your pet's flea problem. A soft collar soaked in Citronella will also do the job.
Garlic also helps to promote a healthy immune system when the weather turns cold and viruses begin to circulate. In fact, most of the oils and herbs listed above are effective in helping to prevent many common winter illnesses.
Whether you are looking for remedies or nature friendly products to use around the house, the oils and herbs suggested above should help get you started. You will be ready to make some healthy changes in your way of life!
repetitive stress injuryBy
, at 8:03 AM
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Rhodiola Rosea is the latest natural remedy to join the arsenal of natural anxiety and stress (stress ball) reducers.
Rhodiola Rosea, also known as Golden Root, is a native plant of arctic Siberia. For centuries it has been used by eastern European and Asian cultures for physical endurance, work productivity, longevity, resistance to high altitude sickness, and to treat fatigue, depression, anemia, impotence, gastrointestinal ailments, infections, and nervous system disorders.
The first recorded medicinal applications of rodia riza (renamed Rhodiola Rosea) was made by the Greek physician, Dioscorides, in 77 C.E. in 'De Materia Medica'. Rhodiola Rosea has been included in official Russian medicine since 1969.
Despite its long history, the Western world has only recently become aware of the health benefits of Rhodiola Rosea. It has come to the attention of many natural health practitioners because of studies which tested its affects on combating anxiety and stress.
Rhodiola Rosea is considered an adaptogen. This means it has an overall stabilizing effect on the body without disrupting other functions. Its ability to normalize hormones may be effective for treating depression and anxiety.
Studies of Rhodiola Rosea show that it stimulates neurotransmitters and enhances their effects on the brain. This includes the ability for the brain to process serotonin which helps the body to adapt to stress.
Since adaptogens improve the body's overall ability to handle stress, it has been studied to identify it's effects on biological, chemical and physical stress.
A study was performed to test the effects of Rhodiola Rosea when stress or stress ball is caused by intense mental work (such as final exams). Such tests concluded that using Rhodiola Rosea improved the amount and quality of work, increasing mental clarity and reducing the effects of fatigue.
The effects of Rhodiola Rosea have also been tested on stress and anxiety from both physical and emotional sources. A report by the American Botanical Council states that "Most users find that it improves their mood, energy level, and mental clarity." They also report on a study that indicated Rhodiola Rosea could increase stress tolerance while at the same time protecting the brain and heart from the physical affects of stress.
This report included details of studies which highlight the overall health benefits of Rhodiola Rosea.
The generally recommended dose is 200-600mg/day. The active properties should be a minimum 0.8 percent salidroside and 3 percent rosavin.
It is important for consumers to know that Rhodiola may be sold using other species that do not share the properties of Rhodiola Rosea, stress ball, or at ineffective strengths for treatment. Anyone with depression or anxiety should also check with a health professional when treating these symptoms.
stress ballBy
, at 3:18 PM
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I used to have a sore back until I visited the Bend Clinic here in Toronto. These guys are great I want to give them a free plug if it's ok...Toronto Chiropractor
By
, at 2:25 PM
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Hey Fellow, you have a great blog here! I have a web
site & blog about job etiquette.
Yours is top-notch!
If you have a moment, please visit my site
job etiquette
I wish you all the best!By
Joe Berenguer, at 4:11 AM
Friday, September 10, 2004
Not paying bills for five months
Sleeping most of the time
Snarling when spoken to by a supervisor
What Will Not Get You Fired From a Federal Desk Job Involving Paying Bills, As Reported by a Reputable Source
Not paying bills for a few weeks
Sleeping part of the time
Smelling like your own poo
Smelling like farts
Smelling like you haven't taken a shower for weeks
Not being able to use the office software
Coming late
Leaving early
Snarling at clients
Snarling when spoken to by co-workers
Cursing frequently in everyday speech
Displaying strong signs of drug addiction
4 Comments:
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Never having worked for the federal government, I have no direct experience with that sort of situation, but I can believe it.
I have, though, worked for several city governments. I have a hard time imagining any situation could get that bad, but it wouldn't surprise me. Here's the process we'd have go through (sequentially):
1. Ask them nicely to please, please shower, and offer to coach them about coming in on time, etc. We'd have to discuss "strategies" for not smelling like your own poo.
2. Send them a letter asking them shower, to try to avoid smelling like their own poo, discuss strategies, etc. Remind them that as part of their job they are expected to come to work on time and actually work.
3. Develop a written action plan to help them do their job, make it to work on time, not smell, etc. It would probably involve sending them to classes, being encouraging, paying for counseling, etc.
4. Punish them for snarling, smelling, being lazy, and other undesirable behavior. When I say punishment, I mean writing a letter saying (basically) "Consider yourself punished. Don't do this again." Then we might follow it up with an unpaid vacation, but a vacation none the less.
5. Fire them.
6. Rehire them after we discover we failed to "adequately document" their "performance problems."
7. Discover (from your HR staff) that smelling like your own poo, sleeping on the job, coming in late, cursing frequently are symptoms of a medical condition protected by the Family Medical Leave Act and we're obligated to give said person a 12 week vacation (albeit unpaid).
8. Return to step #1 and repeat after they return from vacation still smelling like their own poo. Or go home and cry. -
oh my word.
what was this job? and can anyone share it with Javier because he doesn't smell like poo so he could get it FOR SURE!By
Solomon's Girl, at 12:59 PM
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Brian's description is pretty much what happened!
This is the job of one of my family members - a woman was recently fired for the causes listed above. I can't write about it, tho, cuz he'd get mad at me for blogging about his job. If Jav thinks he can continue avoiding the poo-smell, he could check out the federal government's job site. -
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, at 11:43 PM
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
Part One: Announcing the Winner: RACHEL!!
Jenell did NOT stay up until 1 AM. She went to bed while all the other grown-ups talked.
James does not have a brother.
Opal did not sit in the windowsill and watch crows. And she only peed once (on my chair which I had covered with a rag). Amazing.
Ruby was not locked up - Opal was in a small room while Ruby had the run of the house. Why? Because Ruby is a better cat. Ruby did, however, drink tuna juice and then throw it up in front of me while I was blogging. Unusual for her.
It had been a face-off between Rachel and Hugo, but then Jimmy joined the race, but couldn't compete with Rachel. Rachel's prize is a sincere compliment.
Rachel, you consistently treat me with kindness and sensitivity. You think of how I might feel and then ask, without assuming you know the answer. And then, however I'm feeling, you usually make me laugh.
Blog, part 2.
I agreed to participate in a "virtual book tour" for Zondervan. It's an experiment. I agreed to host Renee as a guest on the blog. I asked her a few questions about Stumbling Toward Faith - questions that came to mind as I read. Here's our mini-interview.
Jenell: Why did you choose to write without capitals?
renee: i think there is an intimacy to writing without capitals. a few posts into my latest blog adventure (http://www.ianua.org/), i started writing without capitals and i was surprised by how freeing it was. there was an instant connection with my creativity that came once i was able to let go of the "shoulds" of function and form.(i was an english literature major in college, so i can be pretty anal about all of that proper stuff).i was fortunate in that my editor decided to keep the non-capital format for the book. at first i was worried that it would be too outside of the box, but i really think it conveys a sense of familiarity and a diary-like feel to the words. i think it compliments the artwork, as well.
Jenell: Why did you devote so much of the book to the trauma, and a more brief section to healing? It seemed like a strategic choice, and I wondered why you made the book flow as it does.
renee: i think there is an over-emphasis, especially in christendom, to focus on the healing. i have found that my life is still sometimes more trauma than healing, even on my best days. i wanted others to connect with some of the depths of my despair. i wanted others, who already know that connection,to nod their heads and say, "yes, i know this. yes, this is true."i didn't want to minimise what happened to me. i wanted to honour the path god has brought me on, but not to the point of whitewashing what i went through.i think that the book contains as much hope as i could muster during the writing of it.
Jenell: Many of the (6) people who read my blog love to read, and love books. Can you tell a bit about how much "say" you had, as an author, in formatting thebook and choosing art? Were there any difficult compromises?
renee: i was very pleased with the editing process. i loved the artwork that was picked, i loved the quotes that the artist chosed to emphasize. there wasn't much control given to me, but because the work was so personal, and because i happened to see my editor in person nearly every day at work ;),i had a lot of awareness of what was going on.there was one point, after the initial drafts, where i pointed out that i had intended something as a 2-page spread -- it was a pivotal point in thebook and it hadn't been "done right" (as i saw it). they were gracious to me, saw my point, and agreed.i think working at youth specialties during this process made my involvement much easier, and i am thrilled with how gracious everyone was with my constant inquiries and input.i don't know that this is a common occurence for most authors, and i feel privileged to have had a part.
There ya go...and here's a link to Zondervan, too.
2 Comments:
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thanks jenell
as a little clarification, zondervan didn't sponsor this blog tour thing. this was a total grassroots idea from the brain of bob carlton, and accomplished through my friends and other bloggers online.
this wasn't ever intended to be more than a community of bloggers talking about another bloggers book -- though we did have one conference call to try to get our crap together. :)
iof course zondervan is thrilled that we're doing this, and interested in watching how it all turns out.By
, at 10:43 AM
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Your Best final fantasy gil Choice! last chaos money wow gold last chaos money withage of conan gold and aoc goldor FFXI Gil link lord of the rings gold The World world of warcraft power leveling Leading last chaos money andKnight Online Noah
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
First off, I want to let you know that Renee's virtual book tour for Stumbling Toward Faith is coming to this blog sometime soon (maybe today or tomorrow). I'll introduce her and offer some comments of my own soon.
Today, however, I want to tell you about my weekend in a postmodern style. Each member of my household agreed to write a few statements about the weekend, because how could just one person really say what happened? Each person just knows truth from their own perspective, so here's some truth for you.
Written in the form of "Two truths and a lie", this weekend synopsis offers a prize. I'll check the site later today and offer a prize (a sincere compliment) to whoever gets the most correct. We spent the weekend with Katherin Kleingartner, James Denman, and Ashley at their farm in Wisconsin, commemorating the first birthday of our sons (or their date of death, if you're a 'glass half empty' kind of person).
Jenell:
1. I read a Rolling Stone article about "The Most Stoned Campus in America" out loud to James. It's not Bethel University, in case you're wondering (it's UC Santa Cruz). He asked whether those students are anything like mine, and I had to say 'no.'
2. I sat in the hot tub with James, James, and Katherine until 1 AM, even though I usually go to bed at 9:45.
3. I made a meal that had five vegetables. Roast chicken, onions, potatoes, carrots, beets, and green beans. And brownies.
James:
1. I was amazed all over again by the incredible woman I married. She is beautiful, silly, kind, and really good at reading.
2. I have a brother.
3. I'd like to use point #3 to re-emphasize point #1.
Opal.
1. Being locked in a small room for three days with no visitors wasn't as bad as I feared.
2. I only peed in an inappropriate place one time.
3. I sat in the window sill and monitored the 50 crows who come and eat out of our yard in the early morning.
Ruby.
1. I know Jenell feels bad for leaving us because she gave me tuna juice when she got home.
2. I wasn't locked in a room because I'm a better cat than Opal. I slept outside the locked door, though, to be a little closer to Opal.
3. Jenell gave me more tuna juice this morning, and I came in and threw it up in front of her while she was blogging.
Let the games begin!
P.S. Please don't refer back to that post from March 2004 in which I vowed never to give the cats a first-person voice in my blog.
5 Comments:
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Well, you tapped into my competitive nature on this one. Here are my best guesses at the falsies:
Jenell: #3
James: #2
Opal: #2
Ruby: #3
The cats' recap of the weekend was the most challenging for me. Any creature that actually wants to drink tuna juice baffles me and always will.
I thought of you often and hope the weekend was rich for both you and James. -
I'll take a stab, as it were; the falsies are:
Jenell:
#2 is too obvious. I'm going with #3; I think you actually left OUT the carrots.
James: Um, #3? I don't think he needed to reemphasize the obvious.
Opal: #2
Ruby: #3. Or so I hope. -
Okay, Jenell did not stay up until 1am. James does not have a brother. Ruby did not get to stay outside the room, but she too was locked up. And poor Opal peed far more than 1 time because that's what Opal does best.
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1. Jenell did not stay up til 1am.
2. James does not have a brother.
3. Sorry, but Opal peed all over the place multiple times, not once, because that's what Opal does.
4. And last but not least, Ruby got locked up just like Opal because a. it wouldn't be fair, b. Ruby has her own issues, c. Jenell just wouldn't do that to Opal. -
By
Clickbank Mall, at 8:23 PM
Thursday, September 02, 2004
Darn - I already purchased Hard Laughter, before I read KP's comment. I think I only paid .75 for it, though.
Colleen seems absent from the blogosphere this week. She's selling sprong shoes and sea shells by the sea shore.
Speaking of love...I met a new freshman who said her name is Megan. Then I called her Emily several times. I'm sure that felt really loving.
James and I are going to the Kleingartner/Denman farm for the weekend. I'm looking forward to it.
No more blogs 'til we return on Monday.
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
I have so much to read! I finished selling all my stuff on ebay, and am buying new books with some of the profits.
Minnesota Gardener's Guide
The Best American Essays 2003
Dominion and Dynasty: A Biblical Theology of the Hebrew Bible
Repenting of Religion: Turning from Judgment to the Love of God (Greg Boyd)
The Inner Voice of Love (Henri Nouwen's story of coming out of depression)
Hard Laughter (Anne Lamott)
The Barn at the End of the World (I just finished reading my library copy, but I bought it to read again and write in)
The Psalms with introduction by Kathleen Norris
Hmmm...it's going to be hard to squeeze in a full-time job around all this reading!
Tell me, what are you reading???
13 Comments:
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I just read "Thoughts along the way" by Anne Lamott which was fantastic. I'm now reading the Oxford Annotated Apocrypha. Never read it before. I grew up in a church where that was looked down upon. Interesting stuff.
By
The Accidental Buddhist, at 10:45 AM
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Right now, I'm reading desperate pleas from students who want to add my classes. I'm also reading Jhumpa Lahiri's new novel, The Namesake, which is terrific.
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I'm bouncing between The Unbearable Lightness of Being and Nickled and Dimed--sex or money. So it's very enjoyable
By
Solomon's Girl, at 12:40 PM
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I just started a few books this week - one about Lucy (the fossil), Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood (can't get into it, though), and a brain-candy mystery. I'm part-way through several business and financial books.
- Rachel L.By
, at 1:06 PM
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I'm in the middle of Emma Bull/Stephen Brust's _Freedom and Necessity_ and I'm waiting so, so very patiently for my library's copy (on reserve) of _Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell_ by Susanna Clarke.
- Brian A.By
, at 4:08 PM
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can i suggest that you borrow and don't buy Hard Laughter? I didn't know Anne could disappoint me, but she did.
I am tearing through The Secret Life of Bees before it's due next Tuesday. -
I've read Hard Laughter, I thought is was worth owning. Right now I am reading the Genesis Trilogy by Madeline L'Engle and I just finished Ghost Girl by Torey Hayden. Both are great books but Ghost Girl will make you cry.
By
, at 12:48 AM
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right now I would be reading GK Chesterton's The Napoleon of Notting Hill, if Gabe hadn't hijacked and hidden it (but I've read it a dozen times, so that's ok). Just finished Brave New World (for Eng), and before that Gathering Blue (Lois Lowry- teen fiction! woo!).
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3 Comments:
And we will also miss you!
shelley
By
Anonymous, at 11:08 AM
Amen.
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The Accidental Buddhist, at 12:31 AM
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Not to mention your friends who live out there....
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Kirsten and Robert, at 10:13 AM
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