Friday, November 18, 2005
WORK FROM HOME!
Position summary: provide childcare and household management for one home. Position is expected to be long-term and full-time with regular overtime opportunities.
Hours: All hours, with husband help in evening hours and some weekends. Overtime on major holidays, with the exception of Mother’s Day.
Location: Work from home! May work in pajamas, no need to punch clock. Must clean and repair own workspace.
Physical requirements: Must be able to lift fifty pounds, bend, work on knees, reach under and over things. Preferably should be of attractive height-weight ratio.
Training and experience: No experience necessary; no training provided. You may solicit training through personal networks, books, on-line support, or seek information from professionals such as counselors or doctors. Unfortunately, we do not at this time have any resources to support such training. We hope funds may become available in the next budget year.
Support staff. If you are unable to complete your duties, you may develop your own support staff. First, solicit help from siblings, parents, and in-laws. Next, create co-ops with others of your profession. Last, turn to paid help. You may pay for childcare, housecleaning, or grocery delivery, but only as discretionary funds are available, and you must do so with an apologetic attitude and regular admissions of personal incapacity. Support staff must be temporary.
Pay: Attaching monetary value to household work would be an insult, because caring for children is its own inestimable reward. Like a missionary, you must attach yourself to someone(s) of means in order to guarantee your own survival and that of your children. Because, like a missionary, your work is extremely valuable to God, we trust that He will make a way for you.
We promise occasional adoration from children, semi-annual luxury gifts (flowers or candy of reasonable cost), a personal sense of finally being worth something, and the priceless knowledge that you are raising the next generation. As your children grow older, you will also receive ceramic ash trays, decorated pieces of paper, Popsicle stick boxes, and dinosaur dioramas. If you find martyrdom, self-righteousness, or license to be bitchy to be rewarding, you may have those, as well.
Responsibilities:
1. Childcare. Plan, purchase, prepare, and serve food. Watch, wipe, and wash asses, noses, and hands. Take primary responsibility for night-time needs. Nurture, and support personal development. Research, make choices, and keep records regarding medical care and upkeep of bodies. Initiate and maintain spiritual care. Lift, carry, cajole, move, transport, and restrain bodies as needed. Provide appropriate play and learning activities. Generate memory-making situations, capture, develop, and creatively present these memories. Purchase, clean, and repair toys. Solicit, arrange, and monitor friendships. Worry. Pray. Hope. Love. Rejoice.
2. Pet care. Same as above.
3. Household management and maintenance. Monitor and replenish supplies proactively, so process appears invisible and automatic. Pay bills, monitor funds, do bank runs, set budgets, facilitate marital board meetings regarding finances (note: exceptions made for reasons of biblical traditionalism). Pick up toys and detritus at least four times per day. Clean surfaces and dishes daily. As needed: clean floors, scrub counters, floors, kill mildew, clean carpets, remove stains, change sheets, clean mattress covers, rotate mattresses, dust, organize storage, and wash windows. Watch laundry piles, do laundry, replenish laundry supplies, fold and put away laundry. Deal with telemarketers. Wait for deliveries. Do household repairs involving screwdrivers, masking tape, or paint, and those you can accomplish using kitchen tools. Decorate. Watch for sales. Clip coupons. Seasonal: garden, snow removal, outdoor maintenance. Husbands and/or contracted workers may be available to help with any of these tasks, but only as time and discretionary funds allow.
4. Kin work. Plan and execute major family holiday gatherings, including food, gifts, invitations, thank-yous, activities, pre-and post-cleaning, and overnight hospitality. Remember birthdays of your own family members and husband family members, sending cards and/or gifts as appropriate. Generate thoughtful ways of maintaining extended family relationships, both for your own and your husband’s kin. For all holidays, purchase, wrap, pack, and mail gifts. Keep eyes open for sales. May forge husband’s signature on cards, or may sign own name “for the family.” Educate and assist children in entering and maintaining family relationships. Generate, express, and maintain excuses for personal, husband’s, and children’s relational gaffs.
5. Marital maintenance. Initiate “us time”, and arrange child care. Help husband remember birthdays and anniversaries. Clearly designate husband tasks (car maintenance and repairs, yard work, garbage, major household repairs), and encourage their completion with affirmations. Enjoy sex. Maintain personal appearance. Encourage husband’s personal and spiritual growth. If desired, arrange husband’s medical appointments, financial matters, and haircuts. If desired, purchase and maintain husband’s clothing. If working under conditions of biblical traditionalism, create appearance that husband has initiated and executed much of this work.
We are an Equal Opportunity Employer. Women and minorities are encouraged to apply.
Position summary: provide childcare and household management for one home. Position is expected to be long-term and full-time with regular overtime opportunities.
Hours: All hours, with husband help in evening hours and some weekends. Overtime on major holidays, with the exception of Mother’s Day.
Location: Work from home! May work in pajamas, no need to punch clock. Must clean and repair own workspace.
Physical requirements: Must be able to lift fifty pounds, bend, work on knees, reach under and over things. Preferably should be of attractive height-weight ratio.
Training and experience: No experience necessary; no training provided. You may solicit training through personal networks, books, on-line support, or seek information from professionals such as counselors or doctors. Unfortunately, we do not at this time have any resources to support such training. We hope funds may become available in the next budget year.
Support staff. If you are unable to complete your duties, you may develop your own support staff. First, solicit help from siblings, parents, and in-laws. Next, create co-ops with others of your profession. Last, turn to paid help. You may pay for childcare, housecleaning, or grocery delivery, but only as discretionary funds are available, and you must do so with an apologetic attitude and regular admissions of personal incapacity. Support staff must be temporary.
Pay: Attaching monetary value to household work would be an insult, because caring for children is its own inestimable reward. Like a missionary, you must attach yourself to someone(s) of means in order to guarantee your own survival and that of your children. Because, like a missionary, your work is extremely valuable to God, we trust that He will make a way for you.
We promise occasional adoration from children, semi-annual luxury gifts (flowers or candy of reasonable cost), a personal sense of finally being worth something, and the priceless knowledge that you are raising the next generation. As your children grow older, you will also receive ceramic ash trays, decorated pieces of paper, Popsicle stick boxes, and dinosaur dioramas. If you find martyrdom, self-righteousness, or license to be bitchy to be rewarding, you may have those, as well.
Responsibilities:
1. Childcare. Plan, purchase, prepare, and serve food. Watch, wipe, and wash asses, noses, and hands. Take primary responsibility for night-time needs. Nurture, and support personal development. Research, make choices, and keep records regarding medical care and upkeep of bodies. Initiate and maintain spiritual care. Lift, carry, cajole, move, transport, and restrain bodies as needed. Provide appropriate play and learning activities. Generate memory-making situations, capture, develop, and creatively present these memories. Purchase, clean, and repair toys. Solicit, arrange, and monitor friendships. Worry. Pray. Hope. Love. Rejoice.
2. Pet care. Same as above.
3. Household management and maintenance. Monitor and replenish supplies proactively, so process appears invisible and automatic. Pay bills, monitor funds, do bank runs, set budgets, facilitate marital board meetings regarding finances (note: exceptions made for reasons of biblical traditionalism). Pick up toys and detritus at least four times per day. Clean surfaces and dishes daily. As needed: clean floors, scrub counters, floors, kill mildew, clean carpets, remove stains, change sheets, clean mattress covers, rotate mattresses, dust, organize storage, and wash windows. Watch laundry piles, do laundry, replenish laundry supplies, fold and put away laundry. Deal with telemarketers. Wait for deliveries. Do household repairs involving screwdrivers, masking tape, or paint, and those you can accomplish using kitchen tools. Decorate. Watch for sales. Clip coupons. Seasonal: garden, snow removal, outdoor maintenance. Husbands and/or contracted workers may be available to help with any of these tasks, but only as time and discretionary funds allow.
4. Kin work. Plan and execute major family holiday gatherings, including food, gifts, invitations, thank-yous, activities, pre-and post-cleaning, and overnight hospitality. Remember birthdays of your own family members and husband family members, sending cards and/or gifts as appropriate. Generate thoughtful ways of maintaining extended family relationships, both for your own and your husband’s kin. For all holidays, purchase, wrap, pack, and mail gifts. Keep eyes open for sales. May forge husband’s signature on cards, or may sign own name “for the family.” Educate and assist children in entering and maintaining family relationships. Generate, express, and maintain excuses for personal, husband’s, and children’s relational gaffs.
5. Marital maintenance. Initiate “us time”, and arrange child care. Help husband remember birthdays and anniversaries. Clearly designate husband tasks (car maintenance and repairs, yard work, garbage, major household repairs), and encourage their completion with affirmations. Enjoy sex. Maintain personal appearance. Encourage husband’s personal and spiritual growth. If desired, arrange husband’s medical appointments, financial matters, and haircuts. If desired, purchase and maintain husband’s clothing. If working under conditions of biblical traditionalism, create appearance that husband has initiated and executed much of this work.
We are an Equal Opportunity Employer. Women and minorities are encouraged to apply.
37 Comments:
OH MY GOODNESS. I am exhausted just reading this, and yet, in many ways, it is my life!! I always say that if I ever win the lottery, forget yachts and vacations, I am hiring a MAID.
By
Rachie Rach and the Funky Bunch, at 12:20 PM
don't do this to me 3 1/2 months out from my wedding!
By
kp, at 12:57 PM
Hmmm...okay, I'll try it on a temporary basis.
By
Josh Fuller, at 1:02 PM
You are brilliant. The only omission as far as I can see is the part about keeping up with events outside of the household in an effort to counter the impression that you are no longer interesting.
By
carla, at 4:58 PM
Brilliant.
By
Hugo, at 6:04 PM
That about pegs it!
Well done.
By
Chris, at 10:17 PM
Wow, that is hilarious... and yet, overwhelming.
By
Sarah, at 11:33 AM
Have you been stalking me? Scary. I often miss my job at Bethel...!
By
Tonya, at 11:49 PM
Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!
I have a IRA Distribution site. It pretty much covers IRA Distribution related stuff.
Come and check it out if you get time :-)
By
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life organization, at 9:12 AM
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organize work, at 3:10 PM
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home base business, at 6:37 PM
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By
Home Business, at 7:23 PM
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By
wah--573703, at 11:11 PM
Hi Blogger, I am enjoying some idle time and looking to see what Work at Home will bring up. this post is certainly interesting and informative. Work at Home is a good word to bring into the conversation. Great post. Enjoy your day!
By
Freedom from a Job, at 7:10 AM
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By
Help Others Increase Income, at 2:53 PM
Blogger, why can't more sites be as good as yours!!! You see I am changing my life at the moment and I have decided to start a work at home site. I am trying to get inspiration so I can become easier to talk to. You site has given me some ideas. I talk to a wide range of people and I need to relate to everyone I come across so thanks for your posts! The title 'this post' caught my eye so I thought I'd post on this one. Cheers.
By
work at home, at 10:02 AM
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By
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Work at Home, at 3:23 PM
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By
Help Others Increase Income, at 12:16 AM
Sounds like my life as a mother of four. After reading that, it's no wonder I am tired!!
By
Jules, at 9:10 AM
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By
Work From Home Center, at 6:23 PM
Hi Blogger,
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Regards,
By
Making Money, at 1:53 PM
Hi there ##name##,
I read your comments on the income business opportunity. As for me and I believe many average jacks out there, keeping a day job is a necessity. However, up until 7 weeks back I could not face another day without the knowledge that I need to radically change my life inorder to stay in credit..and start dreaming about savings.
The explosive nature of the internt and its supercon artists (experienced net-marketers) is singularly responsible for the 98% failure rate of all newbie related online business failures.
In my view any one wanting to explore their luck online is doomed to failure. The problem with the newbie is not that of access to quality products. No, it is how and where to market the product that has been dumped rather cleverly by the experienced marketer in the newbies hands.
After 4 years of trying almost every strategy without success I can honestly say any one trying their luck on online opportunities needs be ware. Prospecting and marketing costs are way too high for the newbie. Often, as only I have learnt, the newbie puts money into hyped marketing systems that do not deliver the traffic that is required for making sales.
A clever solution to this newbie predicament has been solved by Bill Osterhout's Prosperity Automated System. In here there is no selling, no prospecting, no marketing. No emailling lists here, no advertisements, no phone calls, no no MLMs or chain letters. The PAS system hooks its self to search engines when people search for income business opportunity related information. It sells itself or whatever product you happen to be promoting, closes the sale for you and you get the money. Bill has levelled the playing filled, compelled the newbie to make money or make excuses, while allowing the experienced marketer to feed the system with steroids for enhanced sales.
Everyone closes a sale here within a month or so, getting $3000 per sale. It is here: http://www.MegaWealthy.com/224
I thougth I should help some of your readers who may have given up hope...well now there is!
To your success
Vincent Molelekwa
CEO - Millennium Empires LLC
By
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By
homebiz7, at 2:54 AM
I never realised how important a good bed was until I got a bad back�.
Over 1,400 members of BackCare, the national organisation for healthy backs, responded to our Back Your Bed survey - the first of its kind to explore the views on beds of those who suffer from bad backs and the experts who treat them.
SUMMARY OF THE BACK YOUR BED SURVEY RESULTS
Buying a good bed is one of the most important purchases you can make when it comes to back pain relief. Nine out of 10 say their bed is more important to them since they developed back pain; 98% agreed that a good, supportive bed could help a bad back. 82% of experts felt that the right bed could help prevent back pain.
"If you cannot rest properly and sleep well, this hinders recovery from back problems."
A firm, supportive bed, not a hard one, can do wonders to ease and even prevent bad backs. Only 22% of sufferers had bought a bed classed as �orthopaedic�; while 28% describe their bed support as �medium�. Only 6% of experts would recommend an orthopaedic bed to patients.
Three quarters would be prepared to spend more than �500 on a new bed: compared with just 36% of the �normal� population. Nearly one in 10 would pay more than �2,000 for a new bed to get the comfort and relief they need.
Back pain sufferers are twice as likely as the rest of the population to own a new bed - 50% have beds that are less than five years old compared to the national average of 24%.
88% are satisfied with their choice � but 16% said they would get a better quality one next time; while 9% would opt for something firmer; 5% said they would choose a softer bed and 4% wanted a bigger one.
Sufferers are three times more likely to replace their beds when they no longer feel comfortable (65% compared with just 20%).
31% own a king size bed compared with 11% generally. Separate mattresses zipped together are also popular with couples whose support needs differ or who are easily disturbed by their partner's movements. top
So worth considering when buying a
By
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Hello there, I was recently doing a search through blogs for the keyphrase work at home directory. I happened to come across yours even though it wasn't particularly related to what I searched for. I figured I wouldn't mind contributing to your blog by commenting it. I've been quite busy to work on my blog lately but I am interested in topics being generally related to what I search for. I know you may not think this is an appropriate post to your blog, however I would just like to compliment you on your blog and I wish you well in future endeavors with it,
Sincerely,
Mark
if you would like me to stop posting on your blog ill get the message if you turn on word verification for your blogger.com account there are no need for complaints when you could simply use that function.
p.s. I like to take a look at other blogs to get some ideas as to how I am going to form mine. work at home directory is related to my future blog building.
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work, at 5:19 AM
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Sincerely,
Mark
if you would like me to stop posting on your blog ill get the message if you turn on word verification for your blogger.com account there are no need for complaints when you could simply use that function.
p.s. I like to take a look at other blogs to get some ideas as to how I am going to form mine. legit work from home is related to my future blog building.
By
Anonymous, at 3:02 AM
Hi. Thanks for the insights.
Steve @
Opportunities
By
Opportunities, at 7:30 AM
Life has its up and downs, but winning the lottery would definitely be an up. I've won some prize money playing e-lotto, but haven't won anything big yet. Happy Holidays to all!
By
Chuck, at 12:59 PM
Hi there,
thanks for the great post, I have a blog about free online offers and I think I will apply some of the techniques you wrote here.
Cheers,
Sam
By
Sam, at 7:09 PM
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