Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Notes from an out-but-not-so-proud evangelical
I’ve been a meaningful part of seven churches so far in my life, each evangelical except for the one populated by evangelicals who prefix themselves with ‘post.’ I’ve seen five sex scandals go down among eight pastors involved in those seven churches (and one parachurch). And that’s not counting the churches of my friends and family: four gay affairs, five heterosexual affairs, and one porn addict. And that’s not counting the national scandals that have gone down in my lifetime: Mel White, Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Bakker, and now Ted Haggard. And that’s just off the top of my head.
NAE says Ted Haggard’s situation was individual, not institutional. I don’t know anything more than I’ve read in the media about Haggard or the NAE, and I’m not implying anything about that specific situation. In principle, however, I don’t buy it. When evangelical institutions distance themselves from disgraced individuals, they perpetuate the radical individualism that marks evangelicalism. They are also acting more to preserve themselves than to necessarily tell the truth or to love anyone. My suspicions are these: a person is rarely caught the first time they do something. There’s usually a pattern, and there are usually people who saw the pattern unfolding. Even if no one knew about the sexual issues, people knew about how the person handled power, secrets, and authority. Institutions also hold people accountable for how they spend their money and their time. When individuals sin boldly, there are usually institutions and individuals in insitutitons who commit the sin of self-deception. They know, but they don’t want to know, so they tell themselves they don’t know.
"Internally, I think most evangelicals will not tie what happened with Ted Haggard to NAE," said Anderson, senior pastor of Wooddale Church in Eden Prairie, Minn. "They will understand that if there are 45,000 churches [affiliated with NAE], that 44,999 of them have leaders that did not misbehave and that one person misbehaved and that that is an anomaly." I don’t buy that, either. One of my pastors was involved with paid sex workers, and the board agreed to dismiss him quietly, and crafted a lie to offer the congregation. Most people in the congregation would think there was no scandal…or maybe they all know and just don’t talk about it. Another pastor’s affair wasn’t caught until the woman came forward years after he left the church. Another was sold to the masses as a one-time, small-scale deal, even though those selling to the masses knew it was a deal both long-term and big.
The sins of the institution nurture the sin of the individual. My pastor who sexually abused children over at least a 30-year-period did so with the collusion of people in the church and denomination. Children, mothers, and fathers who complained weren’t believed, or their complaints were minimized. In fact, I can’t think of any setting other than a church in which he could have had such access to children. My pastor who developed boundary-crossing emotional relationships with young women over at least a 15-year period did so despite numerous complaints to his superiors by his female colleagues who watched these relationships unfold. And when both of these cases busted open, people who knew said they didn’t know. For all I know they even believed themselves.
In 3 of the 5 cases, I know that people within the institution knew, and not only did nothing, but actively made choices to protect the abuser. In four of the five cases, I know that people knew of patterns of mishandling power and avoidance of accountability, aside from the sexual situation. And in four of the cases, there were dots that were easily connected across various jobs and across expanses of time. For the most part, these men were caught because the laxness of their institutions and the evangelical worship of men in power emboldened them over time.
Their abuse was allowed to continue, in part, because of evangelical practice. We expect our leaders to be morally superior to the masses, and in order to preserve our expectation, we believe this to be so. We often allow pastors privacy in travel, expenses, and other arenas that we wouldn’t allow to others. We often believe men in positions of power more than we believe the women and children who cry out against them. We prevent women from becoming true peers and colleagues to men, and so inhibit the formation of checks and balances that draw on the strengths of all people.
It’s sick and I hate it. Though I was not one of his victims, growing up in a church pastored by a pedophile has affected me forever. It’s influenced my academic interests, my choice to be a safe person for sexual discussion at a Christian college, the churches I choose, and the ways I try to protect my children and others’ children from predators. It’s made power, gender, sex, and abuse central to the way I think about church -- more than a 1 in 45,000 anomaly. No matter how well New Life Church deals with their situation, Haggard has given 14,000 more people a lifetime worth of questions and doubts about spirituality, power, and church.
I’ve been a meaningful part of seven churches so far in my life, each evangelical except for the one populated by evangelicals who prefix themselves with ‘post.’ I’ve seen five sex scandals go down among eight pastors involved in those seven churches (and one parachurch). And that’s not counting the churches of my friends and family: four gay affairs, five heterosexual affairs, and one porn addict. And that’s not counting the national scandals that have gone down in my lifetime: Mel White, Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Bakker, and now Ted Haggard. And that’s just off the top of my head.
NAE says Ted Haggard’s situation was individual, not institutional. I don’t know anything more than I’ve read in the media about Haggard or the NAE, and I’m not implying anything about that specific situation. In principle, however, I don’t buy it. When evangelical institutions distance themselves from disgraced individuals, they perpetuate the radical individualism that marks evangelicalism. They are also acting more to preserve themselves than to necessarily tell the truth or to love anyone. My suspicions are these: a person is rarely caught the first time they do something. There’s usually a pattern, and there are usually people who saw the pattern unfolding. Even if no one knew about the sexual issues, people knew about how the person handled power, secrets, and authority. Institutions also hold people accountable for how they spend their money and their time. When individuals sin boldly, there are usually institutions and individuals in insitutitons who commit the sin of self-deception. They know, but they don’t want to know, so they tell themselves they don’t know.
"Internally, I think most evangelicals will not tie what happened with Ted Haggard to NAE," said Anderson, senior pastor of Wooddale Church in Eden Prairie, Minn. "They will understand that if there are 45,000 churches [affiliated with NAE], that 44,999 of them have leaders that did not misbehave and that one person misbehaved and that that is an anomaly." I don’t buy that, either. One of my pastors was involved with paid sex workers, and the board agreed to dismiss him quietly, and crafted a lie to offer the congregation. Most people in the congregation would think there was no scandal…or maybe they all know and just don’t talk about it. Another pastor’s affair wasn’t caught until the woman came forward years after he left the church. Another was sold to the masses as a one-time, small-scale deal, even though those selling to the masses knew it was a deal both long-term and big.
The sins of the institution nurture the sin of the individual. My pastor who sexually abused children over at least a 30-year-period did so with the collusion of people in the church and denomination. Children, mothers, and fathers who complained weren’t believed, or their complaints were minimized. In fact, I can’t think of any setting other than a church in which he could have had such access to children. My pastor who developed boundary-crossing emotional relationships with young women over at least a 15-year period did so despite numerous complaints to his superiors by his female colleagues who watched these relationships unfold. And when both of these cases busted open, people who knew said they didn’t know. For all I know they even believed themselves.
In 3 of the 5 cases, I know that people within the institution knew, and not only did nothing, but actively made choices to protect the abuser. In four of the five cases, I know that people knew of patterns of mishandling power and avoidance of accountability, aside from the sexual situation. And in four of the cases, there were dots that were easily connected across various jobs and across expanses of time. For the most part, these men were caught because the laxness of their institutions and the evangelical worship of men in power emboldened them over time.
Their abuse was allowed to continue, in part, because of evangelical practice. We expect our leaders to be morally superior to the masses, and in order to preserve our expectation, we believe this to be so. We often allow pastors privacy in travel, expenses, and other arenas that we wouldn’t allow to others. We often believe men in positions of power more than we believe the women and children who cry out against them. We prevent women from becoming true peers and colleagues to men, and so inhibit the formation of checks and balances that draw on the strengths of all people.
It’s sick and I hate it. Though I was not one of his victims, growing up in a church pastored by a pedophile has affected me forever. It’s influenced my academic interests, my choice to be a safe person for sexual discussion at a Christian college, the churches I choose, and the ways I try to protect my children and others’ children from predators. It’s made power, gender, sex, and abuse central to the way I think about church -- more than a 1 in 45,000 anomaly. No matter how well New Life Church deals with their situation, Haggard has given 14,000 more people a lifetime worth of questions and doubts about spirituality, power, and church.
17 Comments:
I WAS with you. I AM with you.
By
Troy & Tara & Tribe, at 7:42 PM
I appreciate your thoughts on this. I grew up in an evangelical church but left because I am gay. I have to admit to some glee at seeing the hypocrisy of Pastor Ted exposed. There is something especially bad about a guy who's been trying to whip up voters to go to the polls to vote against gay rights who's 'on the down low' (to borrow a phrase). I look forward to the time when evangelical churches stop sharpening their fangs on the gay issue. On a brighter note, I see evangelical churches in Ohio fighting for higher minimum wages and here in Idaho working on environmental issues. I grew up in evangelical churches back when you didn't talk about politics in church. The good ol' days I guess. Trying to make peace with where I once was,
Jasper.
By
Anonymous, at 8:00 PM
Jenell,
Phew! Amazing witness. This is an important post you've written. Thank you for cutting through the rhetoric.
Much of evangelical Christianity has been consumed with a reactionary authoritarian mindset. And it seems like one of the fruits of that way of thinking is denial; profound denial. You testify of how frequently this denial plays out. May God give us the courage to put an end to it.
By
Jay, at 11:05 PM
Yep, you are absolutely right. Ted Haggard's situation is just a symptom of a larger systemic problem, and I think you analyzed it well.
By
Christy, at 1:37 AM
well said, I long for the day when a pastor is "come along side of" and a whole congregation/organization takes ownership right along with him.
By
Makeesha, at 8:29 PM
i like your phrase, "the sins of the institution nurture the sins of the individual" very good line ,and so true. so often, it is hard for victims to cry out against their once nurturing church,when most of the harm vs the victim has been in silencing the truth, and allowing this collusion, minimizing, revictimizing. But in the silencing, indeed, they nurture the predator pastor/priest's behavior. In your reference to your other pastors' "affairs", if these were women within the church congregation, it is best to refer to these as exploitative relationships (or perhaps entanglements) as "affair" implies consent and there is no true consent when there is an imbalance of power. Advocateweb.org is an excellent site for help for victims. I fear this is very commonplace, unfortunately among many professionals in power.Thanks for your fine essay on the topic.
atticus,
a survivor of sexual exploitation by counselor and pastor (whose predator is now a registered sex offender for life--it is a felony offense in the state of Texas for a counselor (licensed or not) to have a sexual relationship with his/her patient. )
By
atticus, at 11:56 PM
Atticus,
Thank you! What a powerful clarification. The five situations I discussed were all male pastors, in exploitative relationship with children, a teenage church female, sex workers, young adult females, and a female counseling client.
Absolutely right - none of those are affairs, because that word does carry implications of egalitarianism and consent. The victims were all persons of lower status and power within the perpetrator's community.
By
jenellparis, at 9:00 AM
jenell, this is such an important post - thank you for using your platform here to challenge these damaging misconceptions.
By
Anonymous, at 12:54 PM
YES! Yes! Yes. Your insights are excellent, and right along how I feel about these things...and unfortunately, similar experience.
By
Heather, at 1:29 PM
I think that ordeals like what you have described are more common than we realize. (Duh - this is basically the whole point of your post: but I still have to say it.)
Everyone - predator, victim, bystanders - believes that they are untouchable. It is earth-shatteringly devastating to be affected by the evils of sexual exploitation, whether personally or by connection. Although not talked about regularly, it is something that affects many more people, families, and congregations than anyone would ever guess. It just kills me.
By
Anonymous, at 11:30 PM
"When evangelical institutions distance themselves from disgraced individuals, they perpetuate the radical individualism that marks evangelicalism. They are also acting more to preserve themselves than to necessarily tell the truth or to love anyone." This makes me so sad, Jenell-- you put your finger exactly on it. I keep hoping with each of these scandals that the church will humble ourselves and change and not just "move on", as the guy in your link said.
Katie
By
Anonymous, at 10:22 AM
Thank you for the thoughtfulness of exposing institutional sin. The culture of hero worship within the church is far too powerful. About 2 years ago, my Senior Pastor, good friend and mentor committed suicide. The isolation, power, and unrealistic expectations of the church all fed his struggle with clinical depression. In a way, we all allowed his diseas to kill him, because we didn't make him get help or place the necessary checks and balances around him to insure his health. Ted Haggard was not the exception to the rule. He was just the biggest name to be held accountable in a while. It is sad to think of how many other churches in of the 45K will go through the same thing.
Blessings-
Greg
By
Greg Arthur, at 10:17 AM
Jenell,
I found your post through ChristianityToday.com. I am glad I read it; you presented some very important points. I am strongly reminded of Revelations Chapters 2-3; clearly it is not merely the individual who is accountable to God, but also the institution and the community. I think your point that the sins of the institution nurture the sins of the individual has a lot to do with that!
I myself am a young man, and have had off-and-on struggles with internet pornography for years. I was introduced to it by friends and unfortunately was foolish enough not to stand up for my convictions when it happened. Through it all I have learned how dangerous, serious, ugly, and harmful sexual sin can be. Thank God for His mercy and power to cleanse! But in order to have that, I had to be open about my struggles both with the Lord and people; I had to face the reality of what I was doing and to this day I am not confident in my own strength to resist temptation. And make no mistake; the power to overcome such sin comes from a very alive, risen, and ascended Christ. No amount of counseling, discipline, and accountability got me anywhere without Him.
Nevertheless, I can't imagine having been in a significant position of church leadership while struggling with that sin. It would have been horrible; thank God I am dealing with this _now_, and learning these lessons! Sin is sin; like you said, Ted's sins _really do_ affect _all_ of his congregation, and now many people beyond! We who call ourselves Christians need to treat sin with the same enmity as God with no excuses, for God will allow us none when we stand before Him. We must begin with our own lives, and we must extend it to our churches.
By
Daniel, at 3:05 PM
I've often thought that the ancient concept of primum non nocere-first do no harm-should be part of every pastor's ordination vows and held to legal standards. Many people obviously failed Ted Haggard and his family by averting their eyes or ignoring the warning signs. The difficulty will lie in changing the institutions where such behaviors and expectations are entrenched. Hopefully, this situation will become catalyst for change in churches where similar problems lurk. Thank you for speaking plainly.
By
Anonymous, at 6:51 PM
It's easy to tear down and point fingers. I grew up in the church and I am an active worship leader. I can remember only once in my many years of knowing someone personally that fell like this. We cannot police every person that has authority in the church. I know scandal happens but I don't believe it's the rule. What's in your closet? What did you do late at night with your boy friend? Did you presume something about somebody and you talked about them and they left the church. David was forgiven by God so I will choose to forgive as well. I hope Ted (and all of us) continue to find peace and forgiveness...and mercy.
By
Anonymous, at 12:23 AM
To Anonymous (11:23PM),
I agree with you that forgiveness is important, but the thing is not about 'policing' people. That will just turn Christianity into a legalistic society based on whether you have done it or not. We need to always get our relationship with Christ right, and one of the many byproducts of following Christ is a desire to set our relationship right with Him.
This means that if we are in a position of authority, we must be ever so careful never to allow power or temptation to overwhelm us. It means that even more so than others, we must first choose to be open, to set that standard of leadership. yes we practise forgiveness but we too must practise holiness for God desires it. This is because we will stand before God accountable for our actions and whether we have led people astray.
Jenell, you're right in pointing out that the sins of the institution has led to many issues in individuals. And it would be wise if we as the church really reflect upon ourselves and see collectively what we have become. Let's not forget that while Jesus ministers to the individuals, He also desires unity and one body.
By
Josh, at 2:55 AM
Incredibly well said. I particularly appreciate the point that we worship men in power in evangelical circles. Lord, keep us from idolatry!
By
MicahGirl, at 8:43 AM
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