Tuesday, March 28, 2006
I'm in a hotel business center next to a girl researching "bugs" on google images. Before returning to our room with ice cream, as I was sent out of the room to fetch, I just need to express myself with nine words:
Lisa. Bucky. Kellie. The inevitable can't happen soon enough.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Raising children is a social task - we raise them to take their place in society, fluent in cultural symbols and norms. It simply can't be done with the parent-child unit alone - we need others. What does socialization mean, however, in an extremely individualized, privatized society? I guess what I'm really saying is, why wouldn't anyone -- not a solitary soul -- help me with my babies when we were traveling yesterday?
James and I were together, so the adult to baby ratio was fine. But there were a few difficult moments. In order to get through security, I had to walk through with both babies (38 wiggling pounds in my arms) while James packed the bins, collapsed the stroller, and overturned the carseats. I did this alone, and waited several minutes for James, while at least eight people said "How cute!" "Twins?" "Double trouble!" "Double blessing" "Boy, you have your arms full" and "How old are they?"
We took two flights, and on each of them, I carried the wiggling 38 pounds onto the airplane alone, while James stayed outside the airplane door gate-checking the stroller and carseats. Again, on both flights, numerous people said "How cute!" "Twins?" "Double trouble!" and so on. On neither flight did anyone offer to help, not even the people ahead of and behind me in line, who had nothing in their arms. Additionally, though we spent over three hours on planes, no other passengers offered to play with or hold the babies.
Why would no one offer to help, when a person so clearly could use a hand? I think it is partially a crowd effect - it's harder to get one person to help when there is a crowd. If only one person is available, that person is more likely to help. But mostly, I think we are afraid of each other. Particularly when children are involved, we fear being perceived as a molester or kidnapper. Even when I'm with my children in public, hair undone and sweatsuitted, looking every bit the typical mom, I fear interacting with other peoples' kids. If I look into that 2-year-old's eyes, if I distract that crying infants, and God forbid, if I touch that 18-month-old who is reaching out for me from the cart ahead of me in line, I might be taken for an insane woman who has been stalking grocery stores for a baby to kidnap. Or molest.
Am I right? Or am I projecting my worries about kidnapping and molestation? I think we don't help each other parent because we fear each other. Even when we see children being yelled at or hit, or see a parent at their wit's end, we just say nothing. Or when we just see a family who could use a hand, we do nothing. Yet so many people -- say 30 or so -- said "How cute" "Double trouble" and the like, throughout the airports. People do care, and reach out as far as they think they are allowed to. And the limit seems to be words spoken from four feet away. Babies thrive, however, with touch and close faces and playing.
What kind of society are we socializing our children into? Am I to teach my children that other humans are there to be looked at, but not to be touched or interacted with? And how do I explain to them that even though there are hundreds of people around us, we are still essentially alone?
Needing help is not a sign of weakness, in fact, it is one of the most basic signs that we're human. And, to prove my fears of anthropological incompetence spurious, the fact that we live in groups is a basic sign of our humanness. More than any other beasts, we crave community, group life, communication, and learning. And more than that, even, to touch and shape the spirit of things.
Maybe this should become my Intro to Anthro lecture. But I have to give it tomorrow, and do I really have time to write a third lecture? Why did I even choose anthropology...why did anyone hire me...why didn't I stick with my Ponderosa Steakhouse Salad Bar Attendant position...
8 Comments:
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i think there are lots of reasons--none satisfying in light of your plight yesterday! one is cultural i think. when i lived in miami, i could not walk down my busy city street without several people stopping me to talk about my kids. people would play with them, comment on their clothes, how well they were growing, how i must be feeling--all this from virtual strangers. i thought this was normal and i often felt loved and supported by my community as a result of these little interactions.
later i realized it must be a byproduct of living in a place that was more than 50% latino because the second i left miami to live in dc, it felt like no one ever noticed my kids again!
i think it has something to do with how we perceive competency. in miami, the place where abuelita raises your kids while you go to work and no one expects you to raise kids without lots of family, people didn't mind giving me their two cents in the street. in dc, no one wanted to suggest that i couldn't handle my challenges or invade my personal space to help me out because the expectation was that i should be able to be responsible 100% for my children and that if that was too hard for me, i should hire help. i found this incredibly depressing and isolating.
i don't think there is any easy solution to this, but i do find myself offering help to women with babies now that my kids are older. i'm almost never turned down. and it's helped me realize how dependent i am on cross-cultural relationships for my mental well-being. i need greater connection to cultures where babies are positive and motherhood is not seen as a personal burden or isolated responsibility. those friendships help me prioritize my mothering without berating myself for struggling to do it all alone.By
, at 11:36 AM
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I do think jen has hit it on the head with the cross-cultural aspect, but I think that there's more to it than just that.
I think you touched on what I percieve when you said we are afraid of being perceived as someone who might hurt a stranger's child. When I was a kid, I don't remember ever being coached to avoid talking to or interacting with strangers - except certain individuals who might obviously be drunk or something like that. Now we, as a culture, teach our kids to avoid strangers to say safe. And as a result, when I am in a store and talking to the toddler in the cart in front of me, I am aware of possibly violating this new cultural teaching when I even try to get the child to smile. And touch them? No way. We don't really allow touching in our culture - we're even sensitive to whether teachers should be putting their hands on kids' shoulders!
So I think we've created a culture of fear for children. Now - I think that kids raised in a supportive, loving home are able to balance that influence with their inate understanding that their world is a good and safe and loving place to be. On the other hand - there are many, many children who don't get to experience that, either. -
I agree a bit with both of your posters above.
I have found that down south the culture is more warm and open when it comes to outside interaction and help with children and up north, people are more reserved and a bit more stand offish.
I positively ADORE kids. Friends tease me that I have a 10 mile baby radius. Unfortunately, I can't actually have kids, so I think I tend to notice other people's kids even more than I would otherwise.
My experience has been in airports, grocery stores, restaurants, etc, that in the South mothers tend to smile more, and want to show off their babies more... people would be more likely to say "Hey do you need help there?"
But up North Im constantly feeling like Im met with suspicious stares and downright coldness if I stop to say hi or play with a baby.
What this has to do precisely with being in an airport with two wiggling babies, Im not sure because I seem to have lost my train of thought. LOL -
Another factor not yet mentioned is legal issues and liability - apparently there have been some cases where lawsuits have been filed against people who have tried to help strangers. Specific details escape me now - the only thing I can remember is the passing of a "Good Samaritan" law in some state allowing people to open someone's car door to turn off headlights that have been left on.
At any rate, modern society certainly discourages strangers from interacting, no matter how innocent or well-intentioned the motive. I remember a passage in Lynne Truss's book Talk to the Hand about how in some cities (I think she was referring to New York or London in particular), you don't dare even look at or make eye contact with strangers on the street for fear of offending said parties. Even a glance can be considered an invasion of "personal space," and Truss mentions getting the finger and f-yous from even young children she looked at.
My sympathies on the whole flying with children thing, too - we haven't dared to fly with the kids since having our second! -
Your previous commenters have already nailed it, I think...People don't offer to help because they assume that their help will be shunned out of caution. And let's be honest, that's usually going to be a pretty accurate assumption. No parent could be blamed for rejecting a helping hand out of concern for their child's safety.
When we flew with Toby at ten months, people would smile at him and say how cute he was, but they never crossed the line of physical contact until invited. When we asked if they'd like to hold him for a while or play with them, many were excited and happy to do so. It was clearly a surprise to them that strangers would trust them with their child in that way.By
Josh Fuller, at 1:55 PM
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one time when eli was a wiggly baby, and I was shelpping him and a stroller onto the bus, a couple offered to help me. so they took the baby, and I carried the stroller onto the bus and then the woman laughed and joked with me,
"look out, I just might take this baby!"
which did not seem at all funny at the time, and even now makes me feel awful. Why did I hand her the baby instead of the stroller? Why did that seem funny to her?
Anyway, it DID make me afraid and after that, I was much more protective of him in public. -
I agree with everyone - it's a cultural issue, and varies even within the US by region. I also agree with, but am saddened by, the threat of incompetence implied by helping a mom. Even within a family, grandmothers and aunts are reticent to contradict a new mom's 'expert' authority derived from self-help books and a few week's experience.
Since posting, however, I've wanted to add that I am a competent mom, and though I wanted help, I didn't really _need_ it. I imagined a scenario in which James was gone, and the boys and I were alone on an island where there was no food. I'd cut off my legs and let the boys eat them, and then my left arm (would need the right arm for the cutting). I wouldn't even feel the pain - that's how much I love them.
That said lest you misunderstand me as actually _meaning_ what I wrote in the post. -
Before I had children, honestly I wouldn't have even noticed! its kind of embarassing to admit, but until you've had a child and realise how difficult even the most easiest things can become, I didn't really notice. like getting through a door that doesn't open itself with a stroller. or, the other day I was going through customs in Vancouver and I had to wait 45 minutes with my screaming daughter. I sat there and went WHY IS THERE NOT A LINE FOR PARENTS WITH SMALL CHILDREN?! apparently I hit it on a bad day because I guess they will collect them and send them through faster. but before kids, I never would have paid attention.
and I think too, just the fear of being percieved in any kind of freakish way doesn't help either. sometimes I get help and other times I dont. and there doesn't seem to be rhyme or reason to it.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
America voted, and my husband has to work in Eden Prairie. Isn't there a mean term for Eden Prairie, like Stinky Prairie or Eden *&$(#ing Far Away Prairie? He's gone for way too long, and I'm getting tired at the end of the days.
America voted, and I decided to axe an entire lecture I just wrote. I'm going to Messiah College next week to do some stuff, and one portion of stuff is an Intro to Anthropology lecture. Why do I feel confident about preaching, or leading a retreat (neither of which I am credentialed to do), but Intro to Anthro sets me aquiver with insecurity? My PhD is from a hack school, they're going to call anyday to revoke my degree, I don't really know anything about anthropology, I'm a fake, my career a farce, my expertise an illusion, my professional persona a sham.
What I came up with was a discussion of gender socialization and culture change. There are some, say those who write Pottery Barn catalogs, who are conservative about gender socialization. Students would analyze a PB catalog for color, texture, objects, and activities associated with boys and with girls. The findings are obvious- you don't really even need to do the exercise. Girls-pink-dolls-passivity-toys-based-on-cleaning-and-cooking-implements. Boys-blue-action-adventure-globes-sports-animals-with-large-teeth. Then, I would talk about how soulforce is coming to Bethel's campus to protest Bethel's belief that homosexuality is a sin. Soulforce would promote a change in enculturation processes around gender and sexuality. What's the point of the lecture? Fear defeated me before I got to the point, but I think it was something about how culture change in complex societies involves both conserving and innovating forces working simultaneously.
Then I decided that talking about homosexuality with an unknown group of freshmen at an unfamiliar Christian school at which I am a guest would not be wise. If you would like to hear the lecture, however, just come over at 11 am tomorrow. Oliver and Wesley are the only two students signed up for the private lecture, and you're welcome to join them. But be forewarned: they tend to drool and poop and interrupt the professor with crazy talk.
So, America voted, and I'm lecturing instead about the American romantic ideal is overrepresented in contemporary praise and worship music, and how that poses challenges to worship leaders and worshipers. It's a chapter I'm working on right now for an edited book, and by lecturing on it, I can appear to be actively engaged in research. But lame research, poorly done, by a person with a half-assed PhD, one that will likely be stripped from her anyday now...
But truly, what America voted on was the dismissal of Kevin Covais. Next week, Bucky. Week after that, Lisa. Week after that, Kellie (would go sooner if she weren't blonde). Week after that, Ace (would go sooner if his looks weren't appealing to the ignorant masses). Then the competition will begin.
5 Comments:
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Ah, the suspicion of fraudulence! Can I offer my post on the subject:
http://hnn.us/blogs/entries/7054.html
I'd love to join the twins for a roundtable discussion on faith, obedience, and sexuality. -
Even amidst the insecurity, you showed wisdom. Knowing when not to speak is sometimes the most difficult thing to determine, especially with the hundreds of thousands of words highly trained people know and the millions of concepts we build with those words. Oh, the words will come, but it's important to remember that the most appreciated, the most influential, the most important words you say are often the most unstructured, the least planned, and the most disconcertingly self-revealing.
"She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue." Prov 31:26 -
When you think about it, isn't Eden Prairie a pretty unpleasant name to begin with? I mean, it encapsulates the Fall completely, merely in the transition from its first word to its second.
they tend to drool and poop and interrupt the professor with crazy talk.
You missed a cruel joke there about them potentially fitting right in with the Christian school freshmen...Oh, and I'd love to come hear that lecture, but I...uh...I'm unavoidably occupied. See my blog later for an explanation.By
Josh Fuller, at 7:38 AM
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At some point we all feel like we're frauds that are going to be found out. When I think about what Mr. Miyagi said to Daniel-san about karate "Someone always know more." [sic] it always makes me feel small. So maybe it's better to think of Stuart Smalley's daily affirmation: "You're good enough, smart enough, and people like you."
Oh, and Eden Prairie isn't so bad once you figure out that there are no straight roads between any two points. It's been probably 10 years since I've driven less than 45 minutes to/from work. -
as an EP grad, I give you permission to call it "eep."
Ex: EEP, can you believe how long it takes to get there!
(double duty: proper noun and exclamation!)
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
What happened to his loveable phrase?
If Kellie, Lisa, and Bucky aren't in the bottom three, then I'm going to have to reopen the question of whether there is any justice in the world.
What does it mean that ten times as many people vote for American Idol contestants each week than voted for Nader in 2004?
4 Comments:
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Now hold on. I'm with you on Bucky and Lisa (the child can sing, but she has yet to convince me she believes what she's singing), but I thought Kelly did a fine job. And while my daughter claims to be in love with Kevin, and he is certainly sweet, etc., he is not going to win so he should go now.
By
, at 10:28 AM
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I'm with carla - bottom 3 should be kevin, bucky, and lisa. kellie bugs me fo sho, but it's not her week to go.
i voted for nader, but will never vote for A. Idol. -
I am not embarrassed to admit that Chris' rendition of Walk the Line was great. He is my top pick. Lisa and Kevin need to go, as does Bucky.
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it means that Nader needs to work on pitch and really make it his own. stage presence matters.
By
, at 7:36 PM
Uncool, guys. Most uncool.
3 Comments:
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Young-
that word says it.
Dana AmesBy
, at 6:46 PM
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Right...people over the age of 22 are never rude! Though there is a special form of vehicular rudeness at which young men in pairs or trios seem to excel.
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If you're hesitant to say it, I'll say it for you: The word 'men' says more than the word 'young.'
By
Josh Fuller, at 1:45 PM
If you've got 3 minutes, take a listen. My sister-in-law Jessica has an essay on Alaska Public Radio, in which my husband and his grandfather are mentioned. Listen to the essay at www.akradio.org (on the right of the screen "Jessica Paris Just Says No") for the next few days; or find it at www.ktoo.org, under the "This I Believe" section for the next several weeks.
3 Comments:
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Interesting radio spot (with a great ending)! I think I'd like to live my life more like your sister-in-law -- less stuff and more life.
I was thinking about what "satisfies" me just the other afternoon as I gave my dogs one dog treat each. I thought, what would it be like if someone gave ME one little treat between meals and that was all I got? Would I be satisfied and enjoy that one bite? Or, is my satisfaction and enjoyment partly in knowing that I'm going to be getting (eating) more and more? I only enjoy "this" cookie when I have the next cookie in my hand and ready to go...
Or maybe that's just me?
-Keisha P. (a new commenter)By
, at 11:46 AM
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Working on one's relationship to cookies is an advanced stage of spirituality. Best to begin with liver or lima beans.
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You aren't the only one keisha!
I really enjoyed the radio piece. I am reminded just how much I am affected by child-like (-ish) neediness and consumerist culture.
Last night someone read something, a meditation, at my church's vestry meeting much like this radio essay. So odd how they dovetail together.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.
I know I'm going to get up to Maine and those other states - James lived on an island off of Maine for awhile, and we're bound to visit someday.
12 Comments:
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I love the map! I have an atlas (which my husband wants me to get rid of because it's out of date, but it was a gift (1989?))and I love it) that I use to color in all of the towns and states that I have been to. So do you have a favorite place?
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, at 10:14 AM
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Favorite beautiful place: Juneau
Place in which I most liked the person I was being: Washington, D.C.
Favorite place to read Kathleen Norris: Florida
Favorite place to be in love: Buffalo
Favorite long talk on a road trip: Ohio
Favorite interstate: Pennsylvania
Favorite place for shopping at Kohl's: Minnesota
Favorite place to shovel myself out of: Minnesota
Favorite place to give birth to babies: Minnesota -
My goodness, you are well-traveled. I have yet to come to the state in which you like to have babies...
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Hugo is right. You are very well traveled!
Very cool map! Thanks for posting that, J.
And shovel ourselves out we are this week, huh? Loads of snow. -
Does touching down in an airport count?
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Yes. If you were in a place in utero, that's a little iffy, but still counts also. I've only been to Rhode Island because my dad drove back and forth across the border just to say we were there.
I have a kid's sweatshirt covered with patches of all the states I've been to. It was a point of pride in my family to drive all over the place and go to lots of states. -
Hey Happy St. Patrick's day! I made a gift for all a blog tracker for Solomons Porch. @: http://kinja.com/user/Solomons_Porch Please let me know who I need to add or anything else that you think would be related to add. Enjoy the weekend.
Peace & Love, Erik =)By
, at 1:59 PM
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Fun! I like Juneau, too!
I've been in every state except Hawaii. Maybe later this summer I'll make it there. :) -
If I did this map it would look like yours, except I'm missing a few more on the southern Atlantic seaboard and I've never been to California (nor have any desire to go - GASP!). Oh, and I do plan to get to Alaska and Hawaii once we're retired!
Our family drove (and camped) on every family vacation and this was indeed a point of pride. I didn't fly in an airplane until I was 20. With the cost of airfare I think my girls might be out of high school before they fly too! -
Wait, how did you get to Rhode Island when you haven't been to Connecticut or Massachusetts?
My family played the "what countries have you been to?" game over dinner last summer. Since my grandfather served in the Pacific in WWII and went on a round-the-world tour in the late 60s, and my sister-in-law is a Missionary Kid who grew up in Africa, I lost. Big time. But at least I've been to 80% of these United States. -
I went to Yale once during grad school to pursue a relationship with a snooty Anglophile. I forgot about that, thankfully. And if I took the bus to Connecticut from D.C., did I go through some other states, too?
I have no idea how I got to Rhode Island. My dad was driving, and he is a superhero, so he just did it. -
Oh, I know...your dad is a superhero? Well...he just flew!!!
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Is it just my family, or evangelicals, or Minnesotans, or what? People speak of money in strange ways.
"I'm going to Florida to golf all weekend...oh, but I'm not paying for it."
"Happy birthday! I hope you like ice cream cake. It's just like Cold Stone Creamery's but it's from WalMart."
"Yes, this is a new shirt. But it was a really good deal."
"We're getting a new couch. We got a tax refund, and the couch is on sale, and we'll keep it for twenty years, and it's a neutral color, and we won't eat on it, and it's the only thing more than $15 we're buying all year."
Though it appears to be self-conscious frugality, it's not that simple. Money holds center stage, whether one is quick to proclaim one's own frugality, or wasteful. This strange talk is really a way of explaining why, even though you are purchasing something costly, you really are not a rich person. It might be upward mobility guilt - trying to maintain the perception that one is in the "middle-middle-class", even though one is purchasing luxuries. Americans with incomes of $20,000 up to $200,000 will define themselves as middle-class - we despise the poor among us, and distrust the rich, and struggle to maintain a self-definition of "middle". Or it might be evangelical frugality. Evangelicals today have immense discretionary income compared to evangelicals of several decades ago, and perhaps we want worldly goods, but don't want to be perceived as being successful in worldly terms.
I appreciate plain speech. Why not say, "Yes, this sweater is new and I like it" or "When I'm home with my family, we have expensive ice cream cake, but when it's a large party and you're invited, we get the cheap stuff."
I wonder how the Amish talk on the way home from auctions or real estate sales. I wonder if they just speak plainly and clearly about money - how much they made, how much they lost, and how much they need. They distinguish themselves from the culture in so many clear ways, and perhaps that frees them from manipulating other peoples' perceptions of their wealth.
5 Comments:
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Great post. Great observation. I've noticed how apologetic I am when I tell people about a new item I bought. It could have been me you were quoting.
"Yeah, we just got this new DVD-recorder. It cost $300--but we had a bunch of gift certificates and it was a good deal and our other dvd player was on the fritz and paying for repairs isn't worth it and we sold our X-box and the proceeds went towards the DVD recorder so in the end we only paid about $50.00" (and breathe and feel justified).
Good stuff.By
Marc Vandersluys, at 11:01 PM
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Having spent 30 years in Minnesota followed by 7 years Elsewhere, I can tell you that is totally a MN, um, issue.
I AM interested, though, in the confluence of this post and that one about the nice clothes. Are you setting us up to be prepared when you get the tank top from J Jill? "I bought it on sale, and then I got a coupon for free shipping and it was black which goes iwth everything, so..." :)
PS: Yes, I can post comments, again. As you can see. -
Wow - I didn't think that Minnesotans ever left. Where is Elsewhere?
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Hahaha. That is so true. And I think it's a Minnesota thing.
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I just spent spring break in Ireland. I think maybe this American money attitude is a leavening Scotch-Irish influence throughout the U.S.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Does anyone know why my comments are working strangely? They're just blogger comments, set for "anyone" to comment, with word verification. One person told me that they were blocked unless they have a blog (or are member of blogger or whatever), another person is blocked from commenting from their workplace, and another person just said they can't write comments. Maybe those are unrelated issues, but has anyone else experienced that with blogger, or can tell me how to fix it?
7 Comments:
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This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
By
, at 12:29 AM
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This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
By
, at 12:30 AM
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I'd comment but I couldn't. Okay, I'm a moron. Go to your dashboard, click on settings, click on comments, and look at all your options on the left side. You can reduce spam comments by using word verification, etc.
Hope it helps. -
This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
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This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
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comment test.
your clothing posts had me cracking up on our honeymoon. i heart shopping and i love clothes, but i am STUMPED at all your requests.
after reading the comment section, though, i can tell you this: lands end does have the best socks, bar none. my mom works there, so i can getcha some cheap(er) if you like. -
Can I be friends with kp - "just the socks Mam, just the socks."
Monday, March 13, 2006
It's just that, where I live at least, there is a strip mall at nearly every single highway exit. The malls have Home Depot, JoAnn Fabrics, WalMart, Kohl's, Old Navy, Rainbow, Cub, etc. They're all more or less the same. I feel overwhelmed when I think about the quantity of goods that come into the stores, then into our homes. How can a community of 2 or 3 million people (Mpls/StPaul area) support so many stores? Isn't there some limit to how much stuff we can fit into our houses? We buy millions and millions of dollars of stuff, every day.
As I said earlier, my clothing situation has been difficult for the last four years. My primary way of shopping has been to buy batches of clearance crap at Kohl's ($3-6 an item), and wear it for a season. It is so crappy it doesn't last more than a season. Then I make cleaning rags out of cotton and flannel, and the rest goes to thrift stores. I recently realized, however, that my cleaning rags were my clothes less than a year ago. The fabrics don't last, and my body has changed alot, also. But mostly, the quality is just so low. When I was growing up, I remember buying something costly like jeans or a sweater, and wearing it for 3-4 years. We didn't buy things only for a season's fashion, and such cheap quality, low-cost clothing wasn't readily available.
I'm not going to draw lines about how much we ought or ought not to spend on clothing (though j.paris will probably remain untank-topped by j.jill). Buying clothing is about money and budgets, but my point here is not. I don't want to be a serial shopper - buying the same things over and over because nothing lasts. Electronics, printers, cameras, phones, clothing, jewelry...all seems to be very temporary and disposable. In an age in which technology seems to connect everyone and reveal all, the links between consumption of goods and the conditions of their production seems even more obscured. That's postmodernity from a marxian perspective.
I appreciate my lasting possessions: my violin, my piano, our cars, my KitchenAid mixer, and my Land's End tote bag, to name a few. I'd like my wardrobe, at least the work part of it, to contain a few lasting things rather than a closetful of crap.
There must be values buried underneath all these heaps of stuff, musn't there? frugality? wastefulness? stewardship? justice? simplicity?
1 Comments:
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I do spend too much on clothes.
That said, I do think there's much to be said for the Italian way: buy a very few things of the highest quality you can afford, and wear them regularly. Italian men will wear the same suit three days a week; Italian women will wash or dry clean the same dress over and over again.
I do buy upmarket items, but I wear the heck out of them.
Saturday, March 11, 2006
I'm working enough this spring to need decent clothes, and need a new wardrobe when I return full-time in the fall. Where are all my clothes? Well, in the last four years I've been depressed and sad and didn't care, and then I was pregnant twice, and none of my clothes fit during or since.... so I'm just in a sad state of clothing. And you know (and I know you know) my difficulties with pants. The Public Speaking Pants and the Jeans That Fit are still going strong, though.
Is there a place where a person can buy good quality clothing? I'm alarmed by the thready, synthetic fabricy, see-through, clingy, cheapo clothing that gets wrecked when it's laundered that they're selling to teenagers. There is too direct a link between cheap prices for cheap clothes and the horrible conditions of its production. So, if money were no object (and even if it were), where would I shop?
Additionally, these are the terms by which I clothe myself for work:
1. Start with the feet. Must wear Naturalizer clogs or Birkenstock sandals. No heels. No exceptions.
2. Socks. Must be cotton (or smartwool). No nylons. When I couldn't stand putting on nylons even for the memorial service for my triplets, that was the moment I realized there would never again be an occasion for nylons.
3. Pants. Cannot be tight at the waist - I hate waistbands. Must stay up, but be as loose as possible. Legs must be pretty much loose. Should feel as much like pajamas as possible. I prefer pants to be pulled up very, very high, but I understand that I need to accomodate social norms on this issue.
4. Skirts. May be worn, but must go with clogs or sandals.
5. Shirts. I can't wear turtlenecks, crew necks, or anything touching my neck - make me gag and start pulling it off. I can't wear tight shirts that make me feel self-conscious. I don't like things that button down the front. I don't like things that wrinkle. Shirt should be knit or cotton, big v-neck or scoop neck. Best to just stay 6-8 inches away from my neck. Ideal shirt is a tank top and a cardigan. I want tweedy, cotton, multicolored cardigans. Four of them, and six tank tops. I'd be set.
I saw a tank top in Carla's j.jill catalog that I liked - it was only $89. My PayPal account is accepting donations. Or I could work 17 hours at a minimum-wage job.
8 Comments:
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On the shirt side of things, have you considered twin sets? That's all I wear to work. They pull double duty, as I can wear them year round.
For me, the hard part is finding twin sets with a short-sleeved shell, as my workplace doesn't allow anything sleeveless. But you may not have that problem. -
Have you ever checked out Sierra Trading Post? They are an outlet store with good quality product relatively cheap. I really like checking them for shoes, but you may have some luck with clothes also. Their website is www.sierratradingpost.com.
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, at 3:50 PM
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If money were no object, definitely j.jill. Their clothes are very loose-fitting and comfortable, yet also flattering. Some of their clearance prices online are reasonable, sometimes. Finding decent clothes without having much money to spend is a huge issue for me. Have you ever worn Dansko clogs? They are my everyday shoes, and they transverse seasons well too.
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I'm with Kira on the Danskos. They are spendy, but I have worn mine pretty much straight for two years and they still look great and feel fantastic. They go with everything (mine are black)--jeans, skirts, dress pants. I truly don't need any other shoes, except flip flops which are my exclusive summer shoes.
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, at 10:56 AM
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Danskos don't work for me - I've tried them on, and the arch just isn't right. I like Carla's - I'd wear them if they were comfortable. Naturalizers are cheaper, but still good quality - I buy one pair each fall.
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Shoes: The clearance room at the Schuler Shoes in Har Mar Mall. I think they have a decent selection of styles and sizes. Pants: Sears, they have a few brands that fit nice, aren't tight around the waist and you don't have to be nervous about mooning anyone when you bend over. Shirts: Lands End.
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, at 4:52 PM
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My mom-body loves Lands End for everything (just bought a swimsuit to replace the 7 year old after- baby suit that finally wore out). They have cotton socks that make my heart sing, they difinately last, but they are 3 pair for $18...my mom gets them for me for Christmas. Hey, she missed this year...
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Socks to make your heart sing...wow! If I were a diva, I'd have my assistant buy me a pair of SmartWool socks every single day. They're always great, but even better when they're brand new. At $15/day, that's $5500/year for socks. Really, who couldn't squeeze that into their budget if they tried?
How is "Bernd Heinrich" pronounced?
I've been saying it "Burnt Hine-rick." He's an author I'm discussing in a talk on Monday, but I'm not sure of the pronunciation.
The only thing I remember from the invited guest's speech at my college graduation was that she said "Emily Durkheim" instead of "Emile Durkheim." When you make a mistake like that, your mom says, "Oh, no one will even remember it." But they do.
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Ja, Ich kann Deutsch sprechen. Aber nur ein bischen. (but only a little). I only took non-conversational German in high school, so take it for what it's worth.
First name I would pronounce the vowel sound like "air" -- Bairnt.
Last name you're spot on. General rule is "ei" spelling sounds like "eye". And "ie" spelling sounds like "ee".
Again, take it for what it's worth. -
You are giving a talk on Bernd Heinrich? You are even cooler than I previously thought, which is saying something.
If you want to go full German, you have to soften the "ch". It's somewhere between "ck" and "sch". Maybe a little like the ch in "cheese."
- WillBy
, at 10:54 PM
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OK, so it's Bear-nt (like "errant" collapsed into one word) Hine-rich (with a "ch" as in "cheese" at the end).
I'm using his "Winter World" to talk about animal survival as a parallel to human survival in life's difficulties. It's a great book. He seems like a fabulous professor - wandering around the Maine woods with students, looking for animals and learning about biology. -
Maybe you could just call up Bernd's answering machine when he's not home to see how he pronounces his own last name.
I wouldn't go all the way to "itch" (like "rich") on his last name but something like "icchk" almost like you've got something stuck in your throat or like a cat's hiss. -
Hi Jannel! keep blogging! I have appreciated your blog for over a year.
"Bairnt" is good but I wouldn't use "ch as" in cheese, which would sound kind of dialect-y or just wrong.
Instead imagine saying the English words "humour" or "humane", but breathe with the tip of the tongue touching the back of the lower front teeth. (Kind of like a sleestack from the old TV show "Land of the Lost".)
There are a few examples of "[vowel] + ch" here: www.ex.ac.uk/german/abinitio/pronounce/audio/blech.wav
Troy
www.xanga.com/Chicken_PaxBy
, at 2:27 PM
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My major preparation for this morning's sermon was saying "Bairnt Hine-risch" over and over. I only said it twice in the talk, and hopefully it wasn't too mangled. Hopefully the whole talk wasn't too mangled!
Thanks to all who helped, and thanks to Dr. Heinrich for writing a fantastic book.
Friday, March 10, 2006
There oughta be a name for posts in which the blogger reflects on his/her own blog inadequacies, and then begs for comments, possibly even threatening to leave the blogosphere if comments do not appear. What should such a post be called?
Anyway, I was poking fun at such posts, not really writing one. So you don't need to write supportive comments. Unless you really want to...no, not even then. Well, maybe just a few. Not really. My blog has had seasons of stability and continuity, but now it's just a fun place to come when I'm able. I'm actually more frustrated with my inability to keep up with other peoples' writings. If I see you or hear from you and seem not to realize that you were crowned Miss America, or were imprisoned for all of last month, or something otherwise momentous, just know that I missed that post.
1 Comments:
Ben, whose workplace disallows comments to my blog specifically due to its revolutionary content, e-mailed me this definition:
"The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, a professional honorary organization of over 6,000 motion picture professionals, was founded to advance the arts and sciences of motion pictures; foster cooperation among creative leaders for cultural, educational and technological progress; recognize outstanding achievements; cooperate on technical research and improvement of methods and equipment; provide a common forum and meeting ground for various branches and crafts; represent the viewpoint of actual creators of the motion picture; and foster educational activities between the professional community and the public-at-large."
I certainly don't question the legitimacy of movie people having a professional organization, but I'm going to stand by my point that it should be called a society, and not an academy. Not that anyone asked.
And, indeed, I like to keep up on my celebrity news. Britney, alone in Hawaii "alone and unloved", according to my horrible magazine that I won't admit publically I even read. Katie and Tom are together, despite the rumors. Oprah doesn't love Stedman, according to an unnamed close friend of hers who gave an interview to the Star. George and Teri are in love, but he wouldn't even take her to the Oscars because he values his privacy. Kirstie lost 60 pounds. Al gained 20.
At high school debate camp, I was required to give an impromptu persuasive speech on the topic, "The National Enquirer is a valid source of evidence." (We were learning to argue any point, even bad points). You'd think I would have learned something back then.
I've finished a massive amount of work this week - a chapel talk for Bethel on Monday, a book chapter, and a magazine article. James has been sharing extra days off with the other guys at work to keep themselves employed, so I've been able to write more. Now I have some other talks to prepare, but I'm sensing a sabbatical space opening up, space I plan to fill today with baking. I'd like to blog more, and perhaps I will. I can't believe anyone still reads this thing. Not that very many people comment anymore...just comment if you're out there. Well, actually, I'm thinking of ending the blog. Please comment if you'd like it to continue. That's not entirely true. I'm just feeling insecure and lonely. Please comment if you like me. Let me be blunt. It hurts my feelings when no one comments. Please write something. Please.
It drives me crazy when people put comment pleas on their blogs. But even more to the point, it drives James crazy, and he checks in with my blog from time to time. Honey, if you're out there and if you love me and if you want this blog to continue, please comment. (He is, he does, and he won't.)
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Ha - At the top of this page it says, "no comments yet."
Well, I'll say you are one of the few blogs I check every day. (Along with Jan, so you're in good company!) I appreciate that we are like-hearted, but our hearts manifest themselves in different ways. I also appreciate that you're a working mom and I enjoy watching you juggle that (grin!) so well. Mostly, I just think you're cool...don't end the blog! (Although I've had fantasies about ending mine lately...) -
I like you, and I would like you to continue blogging. I am a daily reader and will vow to comment more.
ColleenBy
, at 10:11 AM
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I read and I think you're cool. And I'm mystified about how you get so much done with two infants. Half the time I'm reading your blog I'm trying to crack that code. So by all means *do not quit* before I figure that out. :)
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I comment all the time!
Though if you're just going to write about Britney and Oprah I may stop...more revolutionary content, I say!
Hmm, could I have gotten away with "say I" there? Possibly...By
Josh Fuller, at 1:25 PM
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Keep blogging Jennel - I'm better for it!
and I love shameless plugs. -
your readership extends far beyond the bounds of Minnesota. You got at least two daily readers in Washington DC. So keep blogging.
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, at 3:24 PM
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oh don't quit blogging. if anything blog more.
i'm only reading about five blogs right now (plus the very guilty read of trent.blogspot.com which will save you that national enquirer guilt in the checkout line) and if you quit it would take all the fun out of it.By
, at 7:56 PM
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
My thesis is this: The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences (AMPAS) should be renamed. It should be called a Society or an Association, but not an Academy.
My understanding is that an academy is educational, and in our culture, is almost exclusively understood in terms of higher education or higher ed preparatory. The AMPAS doesn't educate anyone, as far as I know. Isn't it a collection of members who make awards to qualified individuals and groups? That is a society or an association.
My professional organization, the American Anthropological Association (AAA), is similar to the AMPAS in that it is a professional organization. We organize our profession and discuss its future, and we meet annually and do things like talk about our work, advance the field, and give awards. Our awards ceremonies are not televised, because apparently no one wants to see an old bearded man or a batik-clad woman receiving a prize for some obscure work that no one else is familiar with. Fair enough. I'm just questioning whether the AMPAS is similar to the AAA, except that the AMPAS people are beautiful and have interesting sex lives in which the masses take interest. The AAA is an association that is ancillary to the academy. The AMPAS has nothing to do with the academy, or any academy.
Or am I wrong? It seems like the AMPAS uses the word "academy" to infer prestige on their awards and proceedings, but there is no actual academy or academicians involved. Is it a wizard of Oz situation - real, ordinary people, cloaking themselves behind a curtain of authority, making judgments about movies?
Please inform. And if you'd like my opinions, I didn't like the fashion as much as I did last year. Bleegh to the dress of Charlize Theron. A second glance of interest to the dress of Jada Pinkett Smith, but a shrug at her hairstyle. Heart aflutter for Philip Seymour Hoffman.
And if you'd like more opinions, style at the American Anthropological Association is thriving. Professor Shefler sported an exceptionally long beard that has everyone wondering about how he crafts it unkemptness. Professor Mitter's heavy wool skirt looks just as fabulous as it did last year, even moreso for the new ink smears. Graduate students everywhere will be skipping haircuts, scuffing their new clogs, and spilling coffee on their laps just to try to keep up.
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To be fair, AMPAS does host seminars and forums for discussions about the role of cinema in modern life; AMPAS also plays a leading role in historic preservation of decaying old films. Whether that is sufficient to merit the use of the term "academy" is still debatable.
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You have a point, but I'd have to say that once your academy, association or society has been around for 78 years, whoever named you is long dead and you can't really argue with them about it anymore, so you're stuck.
But the only point on which I really differ with you is that of their sex lives being interesting.By
Josh Fuller, at 1:55 PM
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I'm impressed that you know who the people actually are. The problem I have is that most movie stars look the same to me and unless I've seen the movie, I have no idea who anyone is. I just loved that one of the winners was wearing jeans.
By
, at 7:34 PM
Friday, March 03, 2006
Just because I read this book doesn't mean I'm experiencing burnout...I haven't been in the classroom for over a year, and am eager to return. I love O'Reilly's writing, especially The Barn at the End of the World. It's about how we can bring a spiritual perspective and practice to our work lives.
Instead of using riddle questions (sound of one hand clapping) to derail our minds from their repetitive tracks, she proposes that we sit with the questions of our everyday lives. Hold a question like, "Why are my students so dumb?" or "Why am I angry in the classroom?" and sit with it. Just sit (Buddhist), and way will open (Quaker).
Best idea for me: The point of spiritual practice is to do it, to practice. We often pray in order to get an experience - of intimacy, of conversation, of peace, or of something else. There's so much pressure to have an experience that we fabricate it, even deluding ourselves into believing our prayer or worship has a quality it doesn't really have. She also points out that spirituality involves suffering - you can't pursue the spiritual life because you want only peace and joy. By living with deep awareness and spirit, you will also enter more into the world's suffering and your own - fewer evasions and distractions. Sitting, mindfulness, bodyscanning, or contemplative or centering prayer value the practice itself. Just sit and breathe. God is there with you, and in you, regardless of what you experience.
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I have come to believe that many are "think" they are seeking God when in reality that are seeking peace.
I suspect some would say that quiet place... that sitting.. listening... is where we find God deep within ourselves. -
ooops... also, when I am so troubled with others it usually comes down to my inability to CONTROL them. It takes my being quiet long enough so I can hear and see how I am the one who nneds to change.
Wright helps me move beyond thinking about the Bible in fundamentalist (inerrancy, inspiration, literal) and liberal (myth, literature, narrative) ways. He chooses words carefully, and helps shape a new vocabulary for understanding the Bible, avoiding polemicizing phrases. The most important word he wants to retain is "authority."
Put simply, Christians are the people who read the Bible and live by its authority. Wright sees the Bible as a five-act play: creation, fall, Israel, Jesus, and the church. We should understand our place (church), and read other eras accordingly. We must read contextually - understand the context of the passage, and our own context.
Two points of avoidance that I appreciated:
1. Avoid saying that you read the Bible literally, whereas others are interpreting.
2. Avoid this argument. "The Bible says thus-and-such." "Well, it also says not to mix two fabrics, and we don't do that." Both people need to speak contextually, taking all of Scripture seriously, but in its proper context.
1 Comments:
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To that second one I would say that (sometimes) the person who responds with the fabric example is making the point that context needs to be considered, and moves the discussion ahead from there. But if it is said in a manner of ending the discussion, then yes, it's a very unhelpful comment.
By
Josh Fuller, at 1:41 PM
Mom loaned this to me, suggesting an altered diet to help O and W recuperate from their flu. If it was good enough for baby Jenell, then it's good enough for babies Ollie and Wesley. Advice taken - slowly increase amount of feedings, slowly reintroduce solids.
Conventional wisdom regarding baby care has changed...
- Spock lists "pram" as optional equipment, saying that some women in the Northeast like to take their babies on walks, and take pride in owning a pram. Most women are unconcerned about outings.
- If you lack funds, just make a crib mattress out of a blanket folded in half and tufted. If you can afford it, go for pig hair.
- Now that you have a baby, you ought to strongly consider purchasing a washing machine.
- Parents with a healthy spirituality have a wonderful source of existential purpose to pass on to their children.
Spock lists twins under "Special Problems" (also in that section are separated parents, working mothers, adopted children, and prematurity).
- The mother of twins should be expected to clean her house half as much as she regularly would.
- Twins may develop a private language based on "grunts and foreign-sounding words" that may lead to "temporary backwardness in school." So, my twins may be backwards, but it's only temporary...what's your excuse for your singleton?
- "Even more important to the mother than the practical help is her husband's moral support - patience, appreciation, sympathy, affection. The father of twins has the greatest opportunity that ever comes to a husband to show his devotion and his caliber." True in general, and true for me. But I would not, in any way, diminish the importance of practical help, especially in a half-cleaned house.
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I need to read it. My mother raised my brother and me on his advice, and I've never taken the time to read Dr. Spock and say, "Aha, that's why she did that crazy thing."
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noooooooo! i can't believe that Dr. Spock really said those things.
Maybe this book was a misprint and actually written by Spock (with the pointy ears) ... that would make more sense!
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Ace is on the hit list after 1) singing the dumbest song ever!!! Have you ever listened to the words? DUMB! and 2) The scar bit was Constantine plus 20 on the "15-year-olds will think this is sexy and vote for me" scale.
By
carla, at 9:32 AM
everyone was pretty bad. i was encouraged by taylor plugging his ear when he was singing - he was like the only one who realized that he might be off key (and he wasn't - he nailed that song).
I'm with you on your choices, jenell. my guess is that it's lisa's week to go.
By
kp, at 10:07 AM
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