Sunday, June 14, 2009
How to leave fundamentalism (without even trying)
My twins recently turned four. When I was four, I accepted Jesus into my heart. I've been agonizing over the fact that I haven't even invited my sons to accept Jesus into their hearts, nor encouraged them to abandon the frolicking hell-bound path of worldliness and sin that they're on. I haven't told them they're going to hell someday, and mommy and daddy are going to heaven, and if they pray the right prayer, then they can come to heaven with us.
Obviously I have some unresolved issues with my own journey to salvation! Accepting Jesus into your heart is a good thing. I believe that. But the accompanying theology, fear, and shame isn't helpful at all. And I no longer believe in the exclusivity of that metaphor for salvation -- that the sinner's prayer (which is derived from scripture, not written in it) is the only ticket to heaven.
Sometimes it seems the stakes are huge and they're planted here: aggressive evangelism of preschoolers. But the truth is, I'm teaching my children about spirituality every day, simply by living with them (it's everywhere, in my cooking, my yelling, my praying, my comforting, etc.). I don't need a system or an ideology to pass on to my children, because the Way of Jesus is a way. We live it together, even if (especially if!) we can't articulate it perfectly, systematize it thoroughly, or prove it scientifically.
And I'm heartened to see much of my fundamentalism left behind as if in a cake pan; I'll serve the best of my religion to my kids in large slices and leave behind the crumbs. Most of it isn't intentional, but when I engage the fundamentalism of my youth (on a summer visit back home), I see what I was taught as a child, but I'm not teaching to my children:
- that they're going to hell
- that God kind of loves them and kind of hates them
- that sex should be discussed with words like "filthy" "slutty" and "dirty"
- that rightful authority should be ascribed to James Dobson, Jim Bakker, Ken Ham, Bill Gothard, Pat Robertson, and Jerry Falwell
- that conservative talk radio and cable news corresponds with conservative Christianity
- that whatever they're doing isn't good enough
- that their culture deserves their fear, judgment, and avoidance
- that the the world is 6000 years old and that God planted dinosaur bones in the earth to test our faith
- that Jesus is going to return any minute and won't they feel ashamed because their beds aren't made
- that, as boys, authority over women is their birthright
- that if they question outrageous, violent, ethnocentric, historically questionable, or contradictory things in the Bible, their faith is weak
- that a single moral point may be derived from absolutely anything in the Bible
If you have advice about 4-year-olds accepting Jesus into their hearts, I'll take it. That's a live issue for me, but wow, how much more of my theology has died as I become more and more alive. That's wonderful to have in my heart.
My twins recently turned four. When I was four, I accepted Jesus into my heart. I've been agonizing over the fact that I haven't even invited my sons to accept Jesus into their hearts, nor encouraged them to abandon the frolicking hell-bound path of worldliness and sin that they're on. I haven't told them they're going to hell someday, and mommy and daddy are going to heaven, and if they pray the right prayer, then they can come to heaven with us.
Obviously I have some unresolved issues with my own journey to salvation! Accepting Jesus into your heart is a good thing. I believe that. But the accompanying theology, fear, and shame isn't helpful at all. And I no longer believe in the exclusivity of that metaphor for salvation -- that the sinner's prayer (which is derived from scripture, not written in it) is the only ticket to heaven.
Sometimes it seems the stakes are huge and they're planted here: aggressive evangelism of preschoolers. But the truth is, I'm teaching my children about spirituality every day, simply by living with them (it's everywhere, in my cooking, my yelling, my praying, my comforting, etc.). I don't need a system or an ideology to pass on to my children, because the Way of Jesus is a way. We live it together, even if (especially if!) we can't articulate it perfectly, systematize it thoroughly, or prove it scientifically.
And I'm heartened to see much of my fundamentalism left behind as if in a cake pan; I'll serve the best of my religion to my kids in large slices and leave behind the crumbs. Most of it isn't intentional, but when I engage the fundamentalism of my youth (on a summer visit back home), I see what I was taught as a child, but I'm not teaching to my children:
- that they're going to hell
- that God kind of loves them and kind of hates them
- that sex should be discussed with words like "filthy" "slutty" and "dirty"
- that rightful authority should be ascribed to James Dobson, Jim Bakker, Ken Ham, Bill Gothard, Pat Robertson, and Jerry Falwell
- that conservative talk radio and cable news corresponds with conservative Christianity
- that whatever they're doing isn't good enough
- that their culture deserves their fear, judgment, and avoidance
- that the the world is 6000 years old and that God planted dinosaur bones in the earth to test our faith
- that Jesus is going to return any minute and won't they feel ashamed because their beds aren't made
- that, as boys, authority over women is their birthright
- that if they question outrageous, violent, ethnocentric, historically questionable, or contradictory things in the Bible, their faith is weak
- that a single moral point may be derived from absolutely anything in the Bible
If you have advice about 4-year-olds accepting Jesus into their hearts, I'll take it. That's a live issue for me, but wow, how much more of my theology has died as I become more and more alive. That's wonderful to have in my heart.
11 Comments:
I remember questioning my salvation at a very young age, probably about 5 or so, because I had not prayed the sinner's prayer. I also remember the whole issue being very upsetting to me- had I been unsaved all along? How often did I need to pray this prayer?
For many years now as I've looked back on that, I see a lot of unnecessary fear that was presented to a little girl who had a very simple faith in Jesus. And when people ask me when I "became a Christian" or "accepted the Lord", I simply say that I've known Jesus for as long as I can remember.
By
Hannah Forney, at 2:30 PM
Great, Great Post! I love it!
My kids are 7 and 11 and I figure that I do not want them choosing their religious path right now anymore than I want them choosing a spouse. In my, not quite so humble, opinion - such decisions are best left until they are older.
Not that they don't get regular doses of Mom and Dad's take on life, but I want them to know that there are other views out there as well and that they need to make decisions... not my drilling into them what their opinions should be. :)
By
Andrew, at 3:31 PM
Don't worry Jenell, your kids aren't near the "age of accountability" yet (:
But,I am praying there is a Child Evangelism Fellowship group nearby.
(:
Smarty pants, Randy
p.s. I loved your garden post.
By
Randy, at 6:13 PM
Thank you for this! I, too, have been agonizing over whether to encourage Audrey (5) to "accept Jesus in her heart." I mean, she already knows him. I don't remember ever praying the sinner's prayer for the first time -- but I do remember countless "recommitments." I'm inspired by your resistance to fear and shame in your kids' spiritual vocabulary. I'm going to try to do the same.
By
Kimberly, at 8:24 AM
Seen this one? Jenny Schroedel, just published by Paraclete Press, Naming the Child: Hope-Filled Reflections on Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Death.
By
Anonymous, at 12:19 PM
Great to know not all committed parents are fundamentalists. Great post!
By
Howie Luvzus, at 3:02 PM
THanks, anonymous. Someone told me about that book some time ago, and I didn't know it had been published. I'm glad to know.
By
Jenell Williams Paris, at 11:42 AM
love this bit:
"how much more of my theology has died as I become more and more alive"
I share that sentiment. AA has this wonderful expression: Let Go and Let God. If God is who we say God is, then what we think about God is limited at best, an evil idol at its worst.
We just had a VBS at church with a couple of clowns. The first song they lead was "Don't monkey around with Satan, Don't money around with sin." My 4 year old did not care, and I was glad he did not care. What he cares about and what we know has the greatest impact on religion in kids, are nurturing parents and a good group of adults and friends he can trust.
By
Drew Tatusko, at 12:53 PM
But really, it probably isn't wise to monkey around with Satan :)
By
Jenell Williams Paris, at 10:32 AM
Loved this post. Found it through the "weeds" of the internet blogosphre-a flower among the thorns indeed. I know that God knows my kids and frankly it doesn't matter if we know God because God knows us.
By
Anonymous, at 10:55 AM
I don't believe in "evangelizing" children anymore. And I don't believe the "sinner's prayer" actually does anything more than fairy dust would.
I think rites of passage are valuable and when a child expresses a certain "crossing over" into a new level of understanding or belief or whatever, we can certainly celebrate those moments in our families, individually and in our communities.
But I don't think "asking Jesus into one's heart" is really the most intellectually honest and spiritually significant way to usher a child into a life of spiritual discipline and right living.
I have 2 girls - 7 and 4 - they don't know the Bible stories and don't know there is such a place as hell...much less that people go there. But through living in our family, they know the triune God, they know love, they know service and compassion and justice...and that's more than most adults I knew growing up in the church.
By
Mak, at 11:13 PM
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